Managing newborn and big brother

[SpanielFace]

I have two children, DS1 (3.5) and DS2 (3 weeks). Currently DS2 is very much like I remember DS1 being - he doesn't want to sleep except in my arms. Nights are not so bad, he usually does one 2-3 hour stretch in his crib and cosleeps for the rest of the night. But daytime is challenging. He is EBF and wants to feed to sleep, but then cries as soon as he's put down, so I seem to spend my days trapped in a cycle of feeding an increasingly tired & grumpy baby, and trying to put him down. Lots of crying, and no time for me to play with poor DS1, who is being so good with the baby but is obviously unsettled by his arrival. I remember DS1 being exactly the same, and I struggled to put him down for naps until he was about 6 months. I remember the key for him was to stop feeding him to sleep, and we had to go through a bit of crying (nothing major - 5-10 mins of whinging at nap time). Clearly, DS2 is far too young got that. But how do people get though this? Other than just keeping him in a sling all day?!

[UniversalTruth]

Possibly not helpful, but I have a similar age gap and tbh just gave up putting baby down - once baby asleep I would either read books to older dc or sit on a cushion on the floor to play jigsaws or puzzles.

[UniversalTruth]

With baby in my arms if that wasn't clear - I need some sleep!

[Iggly]

Kept them in a sling all day....

I ended up structuring each day a little bit to engineer walks at key times. DD (youngest) never really napped in her pushchair until she was 4/5 month old and could be propped up a bit.

[SpanielFace]

Thanks. I'm glad it's not just me. I'd forgotten quite how much hard work babies are at this age! I wish the weather was a bit better, then at least walking to the park with him in a sling would be an option. It's pouring today! We have been reading a lot of books, especially when I'm feeding. Also watching far too much cbeebies / paw patrol.

[FoodPorn]

It's a nightmare. I've a 4 month old and a 2 year old and the baby takes every nap in a sling. I'm breastfeeding but won't feed to sleep as I did with 2 year old as I'd spend my entire day glued to the sofa.

Too much CBeebies here too (particularly when baby is crying into a nap). Going out everyday helps as does sending toddler to nursery a couple of days a week . MIL is starting to take toddler out once a week so he gets some one on one time albeit not with me.

I try to find bits of quality time in the day for each of them like playing with baby when toddler naps and doing things like playdoh and drawing and reading (things I can do sitting down) or riding his bike in the garden when baby naps.

It gets a lot easier at 3 months when the baby starts to cry less and play more. Now when they're both awake I can lay baby on the floor and play with both of them at the same time.

[Artandco]

We have a one year gap. Second lived in a soft wrap sling virtually all day until he was over 6 months. Get a comfy one that you can sit with it on and then it leaves you hands free to do stuff with elder one when needed. You can feed in the sling also once you get the hang of it.

When you feed, get stuff on sofa for eldest like a pile of books. Then you can use it as some nice quiet town to read to him as baby is feeding.

Aqua draw is great. It's like drawing with a water pen so no mess to be had.

[Callthemodwife]

DS1 is 2.5 and DS2 is 12 weeks. I've found the baby bjorn bouncy chair is fab - bounces v easily so I can stick DS2 into it once he's dropped off and start bouncing right away, seems to keep him asleep! Then I can bounce with one foot and play with DS1! They're not cheap but I got ours second hand for £20 so might be worth a look on eBay? It has got easier, even over the last few weeks, and DS1 is much more used to having a little brother now and more accepting when he needs my time. Good luck!!

[Pollyputhtekettleon]

I'm at 9 wks now with a 3yr old and 1yr old too. Baby was very similar to yours at 3 weeks. Go with the flow and things will be quite different in just a few weeks. Don't be afraid to keep putting the baby down to deal with your son. They have very different cries and you will know when you really need to come running to the baby. A bit of whingey crying won't kill anyone for a few minutes. I haven't taken to baby wearing as I don't really like it.

[MamaDuckling]

Not much advice but I'm in a similar boat and struggling. 8 wk old DD has reflux. Feeds to sleep and won't be put down. If I do pop her down or in the rocker she is sick everywhere which results in more time spent on her with changes etc.

DS is 2.5 and has really begun to play up over the last few weeks.

I'm also really struggling to see how it will calm down. I'm so reliant on my family at the moment who are helping out a lot, but the days I have them both on my own are absolute hell.

So, I can't offer much advice but you are certainly not alone! I am sure it will all pass before we know it... And we'll long for those newborn cuddles again.