when do I accept that I've been given one that just doesn't sleep?

(35 Posts)
Ilovenannyplum Sat 06-Feb-16 05:38:23

DS is 18 months, my god he's cute but he's yet to sleep through the night.

When do you just accept that this is your life now and you're never going to sleep a whole night again?

Goes off to google coffee iv's.....

confused

SofiaAmes Sat 06-Feb-16 05:46:22

It will get better. It's also important to remember that different people/kids need different amounts of sleep. I once calculated that I slept 40 hours a week less than my roommate. Perhaps your ds just doesn't need the same amount of sleep that the average 18 month old needs. Maybe playing around with bedtimes (over a period of time) might help with finding the rhythm that works for him. Also, don't forget that pretty soon he will be able to entertain himself even if he does wake. What happens right now when he wakes? When my ds was that age, he was able to self amuse with toys in his room if he woke up early. We had a stair gate across his bedroom doorway so that he couldn't just leave his room on his own.

GreenRug Sat 06-Feb-16 06:04:01

Same here OP. It's a killer isn't it? I have two others who were sleeping through well before this age, this one though- no chance. I'm just burying my head in the sand and planning to get it out in about three years time!

Peppapigallowsmetoshower Sat 06-Feb-16 06:28:58

Maybe by the time he's two? <hopeful>

At 18 months my son needed to fall asleep on my knee and I was through to him in the night like a blinking yoyo. Now at two, he goes to sleep himself and doesn't wake til morning. Feel like I've entered a strange world that I'm not supposed to be in and someone's going to snatch me away from it...sleep is wonderful! (I'm a couple months away from a newborn though before you gouge my eyes out!)

Honestly, it was an accident too... He'd been arsing about for over an hour one bedtime, standing up, singing, crawling around, asking questions while we sang to him, read him his hypnotic story, coaxed and pleaded with him then I just put on a teacher voice and said "right, that's it, mummy and daddy are leaving and you are going to sleep, we will see you in the morning." Little bugger actually said "bye bye!!" Then lay down and went to sleep, he's done that every night since. Just shows that when they are ready, they do it. 6 months before he would have screamed for hours if we'd left him. It's such a long time though, right???

Minirocky Sat 06-Feb-16 06:36:40

Same here op. My dd2 is 14 months and a terrible sleeper, always has been. Tried various things to help her sleep and am now in the acceptance zone. Hoping camping and tons of fresh air in the summer will help (it sorted her sister out from 11weeks).
In the meantime, I'll put the kettle on ....

shiteforbrains Sat 06-Feb-16 06:40:55

10 month old DS has never slept in a cot day or night. Sometimes won't sleep in the day. Has to be breastfed to sleep every time. Wakes 5-10 times per night and can't self settle.

But...

He is currently, as most mornings curled up with his head on my chest. I wouldn't change it for the world. smile

I started to get really really tired. No rest in the day, having to do all housework in the evenings, no decent sleep at night. Probably the worst was everyone telling me how well their babies slept, in cots, for hours and all night!! Then I realised I don't care. I love these baby cuddles they are amazing.

TeaT1me Sat 06-Feb-16 06:44:23

Mines 4...

cuntinghomicidalcardigan Sat 06-Feb-16 06:53:34

Mines 15 months, I've accepted it and started looking forward to when I can screech 'get back in bed or we won't x/y/z' and it be effective.

DD slept from 12 months... I think DS is an altogether different species. I feel tricked!

Ilovenannyplum Sat 06-Feb-16 07:52:25

He goes to sleep absolutely fine, 7pm is as far as we can push it without him completely losing the plot from over tiredness. But he will quite happily lay down and sleep. No problem with that.

He wakes up anywhere from 1 to 6 plus times, usually just to have his slave me find and shove his dummy back in.

When he's been to nursery and not eaten much (if he doesn't like the food they have that day, there isn't an alternative) or his been at him with DP who thinks his routine is there just for fun and completely ignores it, the nights are worse because he's either hungry or been allowed to sleep all bloody day.
If I gently suggest that DP sticks to the sodding routine I'm met with questions of why I think I'm the one in charge etc

The other problem is, we currently live with my PIL buying a new house, we are so close to exchanging that it's within touching distance so when DS is whinging I leave him and he goes back off to sleep but when he starts full on shouting/crying I have to go in to basically shut him up before he wakes the whole house up. If I know he's not hurt, not hungry and just doing it for attention, I would happily leave him but until we move, that's not an option because FIL in particular, does not function well after a night with shouty DS and it makes me feel so guilty. Once we move this is ALL CHANGE!

Of course, he's still sparko now and I'm up with bags under my eyes, hanging onto the Nescafé jar like its my best friend.

(As a side note, if I see one more "my baby is 3 months old and she sleeps through the night, can recite the alphabet backwards and already make the perfect poached eggs, so proud of my little bubs princess hunz" I may scream grin)

shiteforbrains Sat 06-Feb-16 08:41:26

I quite agree. I don't know what it is about sleep that makes people such smug arseholes.

If I said to someone...

"my leg hurts"

... I would consider it cuntish for them to respond with...

"mine doesn't hurt, mine has never hurt, look at me with my amazing non-hurty leg I can hop for a mile, perhaps you have done something less well than me to make your leg hurt?"

Somehow when it involves sleep they think it is acceptable to rub it in your face.

I wish I had the guts to say what I am thinking.

"Yes your dull-as-shit child sleeps for three hours in the afternoon and 14 hours through the night, but how the hell do you fill the remaining waking hours with such a face-gnawingly boring child."

I never say that though. I walk away and drink gin.

LtGreggs Sat 06-Feb-16 08:50:26

Hang in there. DS2 was similar - no major problem going to bed, but up multiple times a night and ready for the day at 5 something everyday - bad days at 4 something, good ones he made it past 6.

It started to get better at about 2.5.

As they get a little bit older, they also start to be able to entertain themselves in the early morning. And you can try leaving them a snack for the morning?

He's 7 now and still an early riser - often up shortly after 6. I just let him get on with it - though we do have a rule of 'no screen time before 7am' and my spidey-sense sent me in to extract the ipad from him at 0615 this morning :-)

Good luck!

Enjoyingthepeace Sat 06-Feb-16 11:47:38

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

shiteforbrains Sat 06-Feb-16 14:06:08

Erm? Excuse me? What is your fucking problem?

Ilovenannyplum Sat 06-Feb-16 19:11:23

@shite - I don't like gin, buckets of wine over here make it all better wine

I've shoved food down him all day and we've had a super busy day out in London so hoping that will equal a good nights sleep for him me

What did the deleted message say? Betting either goady twat or someone with a child that sleeps 23 hours a day and learns mandarin in the hour that they are awake....

HomeMeasurements Sat 06-Feb-16 19:14:12

Accept it immediately! And close your ears to anyone ever talking about sleep ever.

My number one tip is to never ever look at the clock. I used to often count the amount of hours I had slept and now I know that's a mistake. So much better to just not be thinking 'oh god I've only had two hours sleep how will I cope at work?'. Honestly it's changed my life, sounds weird but I feel so much better for just not knowing.

KittyandTeal Sat 06-Feb-16 19:16:40

It gets easier once you accept it tbh. And tell yourself that at some point he will sleep through.

My Dd was a non sleeper until 2.2yo then went into her own bed and slept through in the space of 2 weeks. No training from us.

Ilovenannyplum Sat 06-Feb-16 19:34:16

When he's 13, I'm definitely going to wake him up a few times in the night. Sit on his bed, demand that he puts a dummy in my mouth, or makes me a drink or finds my lost bear grin
He'll LOVE IT I'm sure!

(I'm joking before I get flamed)

I love the bones of this child, is my absolute world, would walk over flaming coals to get to him etc etc but Christ, I'm tired

shiteforbrains Sat 06-Feb-16 19:59:19

Deleted post was taking exception to my last post and being rather derogatory about my username. I can only assume she likes to gloat about her angelic sleeping child. ;)

I am moving me and DS in to his room on a mattress on the floor. His room is totally baby-proofed so if he wakes I don't have to worry in the same way. Even if I could get him in to a cot without waking him he is now tall enough to get out of it and fall from a great height. At the moment he sleeps in my bed so I am too scared to get up and go to the loo/get a drink in case he wakes up and falls out. This morning I had to text DH in the spare room at 5:30am because after a salty takeaway last night my mouth was so dry my face was almost inside out but I was too scared to move. This way we can still co-sleep but I can hop over the baby gate for a well needed piss as required! Plus DH will get to sleep in our bed for the first time in about 8 months since the Snuzpod got too snug!

shiteforbrains Sat 06-Feb-16 20:03:37

I like that idea nannyplum! When he is older I will wake him hourly by walking on his face, demand snacks then nod off with part of my body obstructing his windpipe. ;)

SweetAdeline Sat 06-Feb-16 20:04:17

Your post was a bit harsh shite!

I'm not smug. I've had one good and one terrible sleeper. Even my terrible sleeper has been ok since about 3 though so there is still hope OP!

shiteforbrains Sat 06-Feb-16 20:09:08

I wasn't suggesting all good sleepers are dull, sorry if it sounded that way.

It was more a response I would love to give to an acquaintance that does have a particularly boring baby and a habit of smugly rubbing my tired face in the fact she has slept through like a charm since conception.

Ilovenannyplum Sat 06-Feb-16 20:55:30

I like you shite, your brain thinks like mine!
grin
I hope the sleep gods are kind to you tonight.
I think the mattress sounds a very good idea and much preferable to getting up 48,500 a night. Maybe we could team up, one night you can have mini nanny and mini shite and then I'll have them the next night.
At least one of us could sleep longer than 10 minutes. Perfect.

JeffreySadsacIsUnwell Sat 06-Feb-16 21:00:52

You never accept it, you just adapt.

Then, when they amazingly sleep through the night (sort of, 12.30-5.45am) for two nights in a row aged 4y, you wake at 1.30am anyway, terrified by the silence, and rush in to check the little bugger's still breathing... And then can't get back to sleep.

Hope that helps grin.

JeffreySadsacIsUnwell Sat 06-Feb-16 21:05:07

By the way, they get cuter. 4yo DC2 (the worst non-sleeping offender, though 6yo DC1 still wakes 3 or 4 nights a week) was invited to a birthday party this afternoon. I asked him which parent he wanted to accompany him, he said "Daddy. I think you need to go to sleep this afternoon because I will wake you in the middle of the night again and you will be very tired"!!!

I love the consideration...

poocatcherchampion Sat 06-Feb-16 21:05:26

Sleep is totally elusive.

I've got 3 good sleepers but the problem here is that with one good sleeper we went on to have another and now we have done it again. It raises the stakes as the law of probability suggests that with 3 under 3s someone is going to wake up for a legitimate reason (milk, wee. Lost teddy) most nights and drop back off to sleep while their mother lies there thinking inconsequential thoughts like what to cook for supper and whether there are enough nappies left to forgo a wash.

Its a parent's life!

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