Dp pressuring me to stop breastfeeding

[GracieGraives]

Hi

I have thought about posting this for a little while now but today I have had enough. My dd is 12 weeks old and I feel total lack of support from dp. He keeps going on about me breastfeeding in public or in front of friends and now keeps asking if we can go on nights out and "get our lives back." She is only 12 weeks old and I really have no intention of leaving her for a night out yet. He wasn't like this with our ds but straight from the start I have felt unsupported this time round. Not just with the breastfeeding but the whole parenting in general. He keeps saying things like our lives are over and he can't bear the thought if the next 4 years of childcare costs etc. Etc.

It's starting to really get me down. I am so happy with our two dcs and can't get my head around his negative comments. I had a miscarriage last year and so was so looking forward to dds arrival. I feel totally alone as he seems to get little to no joy from her and spends most his time on his phone when at home. Even watching videos when I ask him to watch the kids for 5 mins while I take a shower etc.

Anyone else had similar? What should I do?

[Poppybella2015]

Have you asked him if he is depressed? New dads can get a kind of postnatal depression sometimes I think?

[GracieGraives]

Yes he probably is. I think he has been for a while but having the baby has escalated it. Any ideas on where to go for advice?

[Poppybella2015]

Can you try talking to him about it?

[Dixiechick17]

I was going to also say that it sounds like depression. Some info below, could you get a family member to look after your children just for an hour or so and go out for lunch and have a talk about it?

www.pandasfoundation.org.uk/help-and-information/pre-ante-and-postnatal-illnesses/dad's-and-depression.html?gclid=CIq8jauDt8oCFSoEwwodf_kD1Q#.Vp7GTp-nzqA

[CaptainWarbeck]

As above. But your feelings are totally valid. You're absolutely fine to breastfeed in public, continue breastfeeding and not want to leave your little one. Don't let him persuade you otherwise.

[GracieGraives]

Thanks for the support. Yes I do need to talk to him properly. We have discussed things before and he is very sceptical of getting help from anywhere. For the moment I am trying to just enjoy the kids and hope he joins in too. . Will try and get him to talk though.

[whatsoever]

I think perhaps gently suggest a chat with the GP - agree with PPs that he sounds depressed, especially as he wasn't like this when your previous child was born. Sounds like he's struggling to bond/accept DD and he's taking it out on you in these outbursts about breastfeeding, starting to go out again etc.

Best of luck OP, I know it can need a bit of tenacity persuading men to think about the possibility of depression.