I'm the mum of a 10 week old baby - first baby. He's a lovely little fella. He's EBF and cruising along the 25th centile since birth. Coping, gurgling, laughing and doing mini push ups all the time :-)
I've recently had to deal with very competitive ILs. ILs have from pregnancy advised me about the superiority of formula milk in helping babies gain weight - and been very sceptical of any other feeding method. My lovely DH and I have managed to set this aside but it has been chipping away at my morale because all babies in ILs family are on the minimum 91st centile and this has been repeatedly used to speak about the superiority of one feeding method over another.
Our baby is not on the 91st centile. And my SIL in particular has not let this go. Every time we have met she has compared her baby (who went from 9th centile to 98th centile in 4 months) and ours. Quite a few times I have been upset on the way home. I've found myself weighing him fort nightly or weekly when I really don't need to. I am very aware of weight being one of many indicators and even weights wise the little chap is fine.
Yesterday it came to a head. She came and told us that our baby is very small. If we are sure of his age. She can't remember hers ever being that small. DH pointed out that he's cruising along his 25th centile line. She immediately pointed out that hers has jumped 4 centile Lines in four months and has enough weight for the both of them. When anyone coos over ours saying for example oh what lovely little fingers he's got she says but they're so skinny, someone says he's got a lovely chin, she says mine has two!!
This is just one instance. There are so many DH And I were counting yesterday. But yesterday it was the last straw. Breastfeeding is hard. It's been smooth for me but it is physically demanding. I have no family of my own anywhere in this continent. If my family in law can't support my feeding journey that's fine but to repeatedly run it down or compare babies is beginning to make me look at my own son - my beautiful perfectly healthy progressing little chap - and see what SIL is asking me to see - a too small, too little baby.
Any advice? I'm a very non confrontational person. I also don't speak very much in social settings. Professionally I'm the opposite. Personally SIL especially is becoming someone I'm dreading meeting.
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competitive parenting: how to cope?
46 replies
Focusfocus · 27/12/2015 05:01
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