how difficult is it with two children close together?

(114 Posts)
jessica3692 Wed 21-Oct-15 19:26:11

That's all really please ladies.

I have a 9m and I would like another baby. I would like them to grow up together with 2yrs between give or take.

just wondering if I am committing myself to a life (or few years at least) of stress and 0 sleep etc.!

Thanks mamas!

lljkk Wed 21-Oct-15 19:41:30

hard work. Not sure any gap isn't hard work.

cleoteacher Wed 21-Oct-15 19:46:11

It's up and down like having any number. I was anxious when I had my second with a 2.2 year gap after being told how awful it is. However , I have found it ok generally and I am coping but do have weeks where it is one long slog and I regret the close age gap and feel like I am tearing my hair out. It's mostly my toddler who makes me feel like this as with this age gap there's a lot of extra things I didn't think about which I think if i d had a bigger gap it would be much easier. Just simply things like taking them shopping or to the bank, potty training and although my eldest is quite independent he still needs quite a lot of attention and care and supervision. He has gone babyfied since dd was born. But on the otherhand because he's only coming up to three himself it's just a question of doubling up as I am still doing lots of things for and with him in terms of prams, groups, food , nappies which I do for dd.

However, some weeks when he is being lovely I love my age gap and it's fine. I love how interactive he is with her and how he helps take care of her.

My toddler goes to a childminder two days a week and that is my saviour. I would recommend this.

However , if I had my time again I would wait longer Atleast until ds had been 3 so was going to pre-school as childcare costs for us for the next 2 years is going to be huge. Plus, he would have been that little bit older, maturer, hopefully out of the terrible 2s and potty trained. All the things which I find make the age difference hard.

WorldsBiggestGrotbag Wed 21-Oct-15 19:48:57

I have a 23 month old and a 3 month old. It's bloody hard work.

cleoteacher Wed 21-Oct-15 19:49:02

I have friends who waited until dc1 was at school. Part of me is envious as it's just like having one baby again but at the same time to me that age gap is too big. Their interests are too different. I think just get through a couple of hard years and then they will play well together and be into the same thing. I hope!

iMatter Wed 21-Oct-15 19:57:38

12 month gap here.

Very very hard to begin with (started with difficult pg with dc2) but gets a lot easier when they are about 2/3. Then it's a complete breeze. smile

jessica3692 Wed 21-Oct-15 20:05:22

Hmmm so it seems like it's bloody hard work but eventually it pays off! Keep the comments coming, it is helping me mentally prepare myself! smile

PicnicPie Wed 21-Oct-15 20:19:14

18mo gap here. 2.10 dd and 15mo dd As others have said bloody hard work esp as I'm at home all the time. It's constantly mummy, mummy, mummmmmmmmy!

Plus points
Same sets of toys, not having to buy new ones again 4 years later for example
You're already in midst of sleepless nights and teething and tantrums so may as well get it over with, with the 2nd
Doing things together, like park and softplay etc is enjoyable because they both like it
Planning days out and hols easier because you are planning for a similar ages in terms of activities...I.e. peppa pig world, Thomas day out, farm, disney etc
Same routine, eating and sleeping so makes life easier somewhat.

But I'm sure there's lots of plus points for having a bigger gap! For me personally though I just needed to have another one soonish as I knew that if I let DD1 get to school age I wouldn't want to go back to the baby stage again because I found the baby stage with DD1 so so hard.

cleoteacher Wed 21-Oct-15 20:20:24

I think having two close together just makes the challenges you would be having anyway with the eldest magnified that's all. Or that's what I keep telling myself anyway !

I am lucky as my dc2 is a very easy baby, I have friends where this isn't the case and it's a lot worse for them

trilbydoll Wed 21-Oct-15 20:23:08

2y exactly here.

DD1 can and will play by herself which is helpful. Also she will watch tv, whereas I don't think it would hold a 15mo attention for as long.

However, she does still sometimes want Mummy right now, she doesn't want to wait a minute!

I must admit life was getting easier and I resented DD2 a bit for taking us back to the beginning. I'm glad the gap wasn't any bigger for that reason.

trilbydoll Wed 21-Oct-15 20:26:12

Oh and EVERYTHING is DD1's. DD2 is allowed a couple of teethers that dd1 has decided are boring. It's really irritating having to buy another Sophie la Girafe and another high chair for no good reason! A smaller gap would solve that issue, before they get to the MINE stage.

WorldsBiggestGrotbag Wed 21-Oct-15 20:30:14

Oh and EVERYTHING is DD1's. DD2 is allowed a couple of teethers that dd1 has decided are boring. It's really irritating having to buy another Sophie la Girafe and another high chair for no good reason! A smaller gap would solve that issue, before they get to the MINE stage.

Yes, a million times this.

ShutUpLegs Wed 21-Oct-15 20:32:17

26 months between the DDs - now 7 & 9. The first year was Hell. Just Hell. WOUldn't do it agai if you paid me - DD2 didn't sleep, DD1 regressed and I was On My Knees.

Thereafter it got easier and easier and when they really bonded, its fab. They really love each other and are best mates. I put that down to sheer good fortune rather than the age gap but I think the age gap helps. They share a lot of the same interests at the same time - although we are careful to give DD1 a bit more independence as befits her extra 26 months.

Sylviecat Wed 21-Oct-15 21:43:07

Mine are 2 and 4. It was a very tough first year, and I was envious of friends who waited til their eldest was at preschool. But.. It is getting easier and easier. They play and fight, but mainly just entertain each other so I can now cook in peace etc!

I'm actually finding it hard to entertain the 2 yr old now my older DS has started school. They are easier and happier when together, and I have no regrets at all about a 2 yr age gap.

bebo100 Wed 21-Oct-15 23:18:24

27 month gap between my 2 boys. Now 2 1/2 years and a 3 month old.

Eldest has actually been really good and really helpful with baby.

I have put off a couple of things which I'd planned to start before now - still haven't potty trained eldest (can't face the extra work yet), and he still had the sides on his cot bed (he sleeps well so don't want to rock the boat). Also had to rely if CBeebies more than I'd like to entertain the eldest. Overall though it's been easier. You don't stress every time baby cries.

Hardest part for me was the pregnancy. Awful morning sickness / borderline HG. So trying to look after the 2 year old was really really tough.

plipplops Thu 22-Oct-15 08:29:17

16mo age gap here, DDs now 6 and 8. Hard at the beginning (like pp, couldn't face potty training DD1 so think I missed the window when she was ready and it took absolutely ages, and also I don't think I did a great job with food when they were small and they're pretty fussy now). Positives massively outweigh the negatives for me though:

Both in nappies/not sleeping through meant I was still used to it rather than going back to that that after a gap.
Both play with/like going to the same things/places.
DD1 can't remember DD2 not being there so we never really had the "mine" thing; they pretty much shared everything until v recently.
I found second pregnancy easier as I was so much more active running around after DD1, rather than just sitting down eating cake like with DD1.
They're best friends now - I'm sure that will change over time but I love that they get on and look out for one another.

The only other thing I'd mention is that I had help at bedtime for maybe the first 9mo of DD2s life - if DH wasn't going to be home form work then my lovely sister would come and help. I know people do it on their own but I don't really know how? Good luck, I wouldn't have it any theory way smile

plipplops Thu 22-Oct-15 08:29:33

Any other way. Stupid computer...

Frazzled2207 Thu 22-Oct-15 09:09:12

21 month gap here, they are 5 and 26 months. It's exhausting, my life is currently an endless cycle of getting them to eat/sleep. However I am confident that one day it will get better, in any event I am getting on a bit so waiting wasn't sensible.

My two saviours are childcare for dc 1 (nursery 2dpw and grandparent help on another 2dpw) and the fact that dh works from home which means he gets up with the toddler (6-7am), and in the night if necessary, Every Single Day.

Frazzled2207 Thu 22-Oct-15 09:12:58

Thinking about it the worst thing is that my entire life is defined by two small boys atm, I barely get a moment to myself and if I do I collapse in front of the tv, things like going to the shops, child-free chat, evenings out, even tidying the house properly, exercise, are all simply off the agenda for now.

I miss my grown-up selfconfused

IDontWantToBuildASnowman Thu 22-Oct-15 09:14:34

2yr gap here. Very hard work for first 6-9 months, then not so much hard more just relentless for another 18m. Started to improve when youngest was about 2yrs and now they are 4yr and 6yr it's mostly wonderful as they get on well, play together, love each other massively and are generally best buddies.

Artandco Thu 22-Oct-15 09:14:42

15 month gap here. We love it. We haven't actually had a difficult stage really yet. Helped that eldest was a dream sleeper and very good so we co slept but could all sleep in until 8/9am which was good if I had been awake with newborn

They have slight sibling bickering over toys etc sometimes but generally they are best friends and make life easier having two close as at home they play together and always have a playmate outside. So for example I can work from home a few hours and they play together and I don't feel bad they are being ' semi ignored' as they have each other

tinymeteor Thu 22-Oct-15 09:21:35

Really interesting thread. Been wondering how on earth you do potty training while having a new baby, amongst other things. Is it just a case of you cope because you have to, or do you rely more on grandparents/neighbours for extra pairs of hands?

And frazzled, I hear you. wine

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeG0es Thu 22-Oct-15 09:23:11

23 month gap here, they're 9 and 11 now. I haven't found it particularly hard TBH even in the early days and it has meant that for the most part they've been at the same nursery and school. Nearly all my friends have the same two year gap so it just seems normal to me. I like the fact that they are always at a similar life stage, if I'd got as far as starting school with the first there's no way I would have wanted to start again with nappies, baby groups etc and doing the primary school run for 15 years+.

I am dreading simultaneous GCSEs and A levels though.

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeG0es Thu 22-Oct-15 09:24:24

Or maybe that would have been 12+ years at primary school.

BrandNewAndImproved Thu 22-Oct-15 09:39:58

Mine are 17 months apart. When they were little it was actually fine. They were both good sleepers and we got over the nappy stage and crap around the house stage in one go.

Now they're 8 and 9. All they do is argue and bicker. He spat his toothpaste on me, she's took my pen, he's poked me. It's so irritating but then you'd get that with most siblings whatever age difference plus they share a room which doesn't help.

The good thing about it however is they like the same TV programmes, want to watch the same films, we can do activities together without having to think about could a little one do it. They have the same circle of friends outside school and it works.

How soul destroying would it be to get out of the toddler wrecking your house, potty training fug of patenting where you start to feel normal again once they're school aged and then bam your back in it for another 4 years.

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