Is my 13 year old daughter depressed?

[nuttygirl41]

My 13 year old has recently been very down. She cries at school and doesn't know why. She has no close friends and wishes she could have a best friend like she used to have. Though i would have never called that girl a best friend, she invited a load of girls to her birthday, except my DD! saying she wanted different girls to come along.

Today she said she had an awful day at school and that she cried. She said she spoke to someone but they didn't really help. One girl she does hang with has a best friend of her own and tends to leave my DD out. She sits on her own a lot drawing. She is a very talented artist and loves Sonic the hedgehog, she tends to draw a lot of sonic characters and makes up her own. There are no art clubs at her school either. They all tend to be sporty clubs and my DD isn't into sport at all.

My DD stays in a lot as well on her computer, we have no family close by apart from my husband's nan. I suffer with depression as does my husband, though we never show it. My DD also says random kids come up to her and say nasty stuff though she won't tell me what they say. i feel so helpless sad
I have already taken her to the doctors as I asked about her going on the pill as her periods are very heavy and painful. She gets more down when they are due to start. The doctor said to bring her back in a month or so as he didn't want to rush putting her on the pill, but i think she should now.

I think her social skills are not too good, she doesn't really know how to join in and tends to hang back. I am thinking of going to the school to speak to someone. I can't let this go on, she seems to be slowly getting worse, she has even said she doesn't want to go to school tomorrow! She was enjoying her school as well to start with. If anyone can offer any good advice please do I am so worried for her.

[Dottymum2]

Hi, don't have any experience of this personally but recently u attended a talk on mental health in adolescence at my dd's school and they gave us some useful warning signs to look out for if we think our child may be depressed.
Feeling down for 2-3 weeks or more.
Withdrawn from friends/family.
If yes then the advice was to speak to her teacher, her friends and if necessary a doctor and get that support in place from as many she knows people as possible. I hope that's of some help. The main thing is you are aware and trying to find ways to help her so I'm sure she will be ok xx

[Dottymum2]

I attended!! stupid auto correct sorry for mistakes

[nuttygirl41]

Thanks Dottymum2, I went to her school this morning and spoke to student services. they have counsellers that come in and talk to the children and they are going to get my DD the help she needs hopefully. I also booked another doctors appointment for her. She is a beautiful, bright and friendly girl and this shouldn't be happening to her at her age, it breaks my heart :( Fingers crossed she will be ok x

[pointythings]

I think getting her help is a good idea. The teenage years are hard, and that's without all the social issues your DD has got to deal with. I hope the school can help - do please get your DD to be very open with the GP about her feelings because if she needs a CAMHS (Child and Adolescent Mental Health Services) referral, they are not easy to come by. If your own GP seems dismissive, ask to see someone else in the practice - not all GPs are clued up on mental health.

I say this as the parent of a 14yo with past anxiety issues - we did get a referral but ended up not needing it as school services ended up being perfect and amazing, and DD did a lot of mindfulness and medication work herself. However, she does say that talking to it to our excellent GP brought it out into the open and allowed her to admit that she needed help.

[poppycomeshome]

Speak to the school, your dd needs to see a counsellor as a starting point. It is time to become proactive now, whilst she is still young enough to have these issues resolved.

Research an art club today and enrol her after school or at weekend, this will do wonders for her confidence and she may make new friends there. This is clearly a source of happiness for her and must be explore and enjoyed. Put all of her pictures and paintings on the walls, show her how much you value her wonderful drawings. Take her to art galleries at the weekends, and look at different styles of paintings. This could be a whole new dimension to enjoy with your dd. If there are other girls who would like to come, bring them too, and then organise lunch afterwards and perhaps even some drawing/painting if they are inspired.

You described some friends, even if they have other friends which is completely natural, invite them over anyway for a few hours, make sure something is organised for them to do to avoid your dd feeling pressurised to entertain or take them out roller skating etc if it is easier.Encourage your dd to take the lead, and have fun!

Practice at home ways to join in with others without feeling embarrassed, role play every weekend, giving her opening lines to talk to others. Open your home to her friends, put on music, make sure it is enjoyable, friendly and above all something dd wants to repeat.

There are lots of friendship books, how to make friends, aimed at this age group. Check the reviews and order them for her to give you both ideas.

Good luck!

[nuttygirl41]

Hi all, I have put counselling in place for my DD, There is a 2-3 month waiting list. But they are meant to be good as they deal with young people. The doctor keeps saying it is my DD's hormones. She is making herself ill now, not wanting to attend school. She phoned me up everyday last week to say she wasn't well. I kept her off today as she had no sleep last night, and I took her to the counselling place.

I am trying all I can but she just doesn't seem interested in anything. She needs to help herself too. She is not even sure about counselling as she told me she is not keen on talking to strangers :/ but I have told her it will help a lot.

Her GCSE's are growing ever closer and I am so scared her work is going to go down. She is a bright and clever girl and has always done well in her subjects. Her teachers have always praised her. I don't want her to lose that now. I will be going back to the doctors and asking for a CAMHS referral.

I am feeling let down by the school as I have phoned them on a number of occasions (always get the answer machine) I ask them to phone me back and they never do. Even though I had a phone call from head of student services saying they always phone back if requested by the parent!

I feel as if I am dealing with this on my own as my hubby hides himself away in his mancave, when he gets home from work. He has said he finds it hard to deal with sometimes. I need his support too, I am making myself ill with worry :(

[leanne963]

Oh OP Your daughter sounded like me in school. I was about 12 years old when i woke up one day and started sobbing and i didn't know why i was so sad. I just cried all the time and i dreaded school. I felt like everyone didn't like me. My Nan died when i was 11 and my best friend also moved to another country, my parents were fighting and i just felt so sad. Luckily my mum took me to the doctors and i ended up having counselling. I don't think it cured my depression but it helped me to deal with the way i was feeling.

You mention her social skills aren't the best, i was very shy with my depression, i often felt like i was sat in a bubble while the rest of the world went by. My self confidence was lacking and i felt that no one would want to be my friend and i didn't want to set myself for failure by trying to engage in others. Depression is horrible and as a sufferer yourself i am sure you know this.

I don't know what to suggest as it sounds like you are doing everything you can! I just wished at the time that my dad tried to understand more, he never acknowledged i was suffering and just blamed me for him and my mum arguing. Just be there for her, tell her that she can always talk to you. I am 28 now and it feels like i lifetime ago. I too was very arty, i loved drama (which sounds like an oxymoron considering how shy i was) and i went to a drama class every weekend. Maybe find out if there is anything she really wants to try, or a hobby she could take up.

I am so sorry you (and her) are going through this, it is so hard! Big hugs!

[nuttygirl41]

Thankyou leanne963, and I am sorry you went through it too. I just used to skive from school, that was my way of dealing with things :/

My DD has been a bit happier the last couple of days, I'm hoping that the counselling will be a big help for her. I want her to enjoy school again or at least tolerate it. Her dad has taken her and her friend out for something to eat today. A lot of the time, she just wants her dad to be there.

I have been looking for an art class for her out of school, but there isn't really much round here for her age group :/ I will keep looking.

I just want her to be happy again :) my bright, clever, beautiful DD. She has so much going for her and her artistic skills will hopefully take her where she wants to be :)

[Cassimin]

My daughter went through this too.
Just crying and feeling sad.
We joined a gym together as I read exercise lifts the mood and went out for coffee and cake. Fortunately it only lasted a few months.
She's 18 now and still can't explain why she felt like this.
It is a worry and hopefully with your support her mood will lift soon.

[clippityclop]

You and your dd sound lovely, so sorry this is happening. Nothing to add to the wise words here but making sure she eats well, fruit and veg, lots of water, multi vitamin with B group will help. While dh is in the man cave get her out and about in the fresh air for a walk. Your local library may have info about art clubs Keep posting.