Need some tips on how to deal with nearly 3yo.

[imwithspud]

DD1 will be three in October and for the past few weeks, has been really trying my patience. She has also started wanting to do EVERYTHING herself, especially things like getting dressed/undressed, choosing her clothes etc. I understand that this is a normal part of development and that it's a positive thing. We do encourage her to be independent. but woe betide either me or DP if we accidentally remove her vest for her at bath time.

I think the dreaded 'threenager' stage is upon us and I've come to realize that I really am quite clueless on how to deal with it. Her tantrums have become more frequent, literally anything that doesn't or can't go her way she will at best have a whine about it and at worst will have a complete screaming meltdown which can include jumping/foot stamping, throwing, occasionally hitting.

Any tips will be appreciated, even reassurance that this stage is normal would be great. Currently considering starting the naughty step. We've always done a mix of getting down to her level and talking sternly, counting to 3 and then concequences i.e 'if you don't stop jumping on the sofa I am going to turn cbeebies' off then following through if she doesn't listen - which of course results in a tantrum, and also ignoring and waiting for the tantrum to pass if efforts to calm her aren't working. Seems to have worked pretty well up until now but I'mm worried we're not doing enough now in the 'discipline' department.

She is an absolute angel at pre-school and for her grandparents when they look after her occasionally, it just seems to be me and DP she gets like this for.

[BathshebaDarkstone]

Let her do as much as she can for herself, allow an extra 10 minutes in the morning. During tantrums, ask her if she wants a cuddle, if she says no, ignore her.

[KatyN]

Defo ignore the tantrum. I seem to have perfected an inward eye roll before walking away. Our tantrums are normally about winning (being first to do.. ).
Also can you give her choice in some things and not others? So if my son wanted to wear a different t-shirt and it was clean then no problems. But I tend to make the decision about shoes because it's clear from the weather which is appropriate.
I have been know to use the killer line 'because I am the grown up' in response to tantrums about not getting his own way. Used rarely it hits the mark every time!!!!

[icclemunchy]

We just went with letting DD do as much herself as possible and warning her in advance if we had to help her ie: let's get in the car, mummy will buckle your belt so your nice and safe.

We also did controlled choices where needed, offering two different outfits or snacks so she feels in control but isn't

We still had tantrums but it seemed to help!

[ItMustBeBedtimeSurely]

I have one the same age, so I completely understand. They are infuriating. Having been though this before with older DD, the best advice I can offer is to keep in mind it's a perfectly normal phase, and just do what you need to do to stay sane. So, don't worry too much about disciplining for the tantrums etc, and just try and stay consistent and calm. In my case I go for lots of peppa pig, trips out and fresh air. And nice early bedtimes!
Don't beat yourself up for finding it hard. It is hard.

[imwithspud]

Thank you, yes we do try and let her to as much as possible, I sometimes give her a choice of clothing, two t-shirts, dress or a top, etc which seems to keep her happy and give her a sense of control even though I'm still in control iykwim.

She can be so contrary at times too! Earlier she said she wanted a ham wrap for lunch, so that's what she had. Then when she'd nearly finished, she started moaning because she wanted peanut butter on toast instead she does stuff like that a lot. Toddlers.. Good to know I'm doing okay though. She's going through a 'why?' Phase at the moment and I have found my self saying "because I said so" more than I care to admit... This stage is so challenging.

[imwithspud]

They really are infuriating, both me and oh feel at a complete loss at times! We just try to bear in mind that it is normal and it will get better. The refusal to listen is SO frustrating though.