How can I help ds1 (8) improve his confidence?

[daisydalrymple]

Ds1 is 8, and has always been quite reserved. Not totally shy, but never really confident with a group, or when he's in the spotlight.

He's always had one or two friends each school year, (our primary makes 3 mix classes out of each two school years, but changes the mix each year). As a result, he's moved classes, not had the same friends in the classroom and struggled to keep up with the other friends out of class.

He's also been up against a rather dominant boy in his class, who is finally in a different class this year. The thing is, he gets really nervous going into school in the morning. He is part of a small group of friends, but feels shy walking up to them and saying hello in the mornings. He has cried a bit a couple of days, when he's gone over and been ignored (not intentionally, they've just not noticed him, so I've tried to encourage him to speak up and say hello cheerily etc). He does football, rugby and swimming classes out of school, and has just started extra curricular music lessons in school. I've spoken to his teacher who said he's noticed ds is nervous in class at times. Ds says he's not very good at rugby compared to the other boys (the others joined in 2s or 3s and tend to pass to their friends, the coach is aware of this and trying to reduce it).

I'm just wondering if anybody has any tips on how to help build up his confidence, and help him believe in his abilities a bit more? Dh works long hours, but does lots with him on the weekend. DS is generally happy at home, well behaved , fun.

[composemail]

We had exactly this with dd. She was fairly well liked and nearly all her classmates spoke positively of her but bumbled around on her own alot as she would not approach easily so she never made a best friend. She just had people to talk to.

We tried everything including actual confidence sessions but nothing much worked. At secondary she has had self esteem sessions and has a room where children like her can relax without the pressure of being on the yard.

Again i am hearing the same names regularly but not enough for her to be invited out anywhere.

She started karate and its done her the world of good, she's participating as an individual so not having to rely on others to take part and she's found something she's good at. But she's also interacting with children and adults of all ages and attending events and parties through them and when they compete it is as a team so they get quite close.

[daisydalrymple]

Thanks so much for replying! Ds has actually mentioned judo classes, and I did wonder about it improving his confidence, so will give that a go maybe if he brings it up again.

I'm glad to hear your dd sounds as if she's getting on well, gives me hope that he's ok. I do try and have one on one time with him (also have Dd 6 and ds2 11mo), but don't want to make a big deal of it and make him any more conscious of it either. Thanks again.