being a Mum to 2 boys

[belhamwalk]

Hey everyone... I am 3 weeks away from baby number 2's due date and the stupid sonographer let it slip that I'm having another boy. I feel like this has plunged me into depression! I really wanted a girl. I'm certain I only want two kids max so that means I will never be mother to a girl. No beautiful female to pass all my worldly feminist knowledge. I'm so upset!! I love my DS1 but can't get into the idea of two little boys tearing around. Somebody please give me some good points about being mother to two boys!!! TIA

[Artandco]

Mine are wonderful. A year apart so close in age and get along great. I don't think they do anything different than if we had girls. They might start day biking in park, but then spend afternoon baking with us and having manicure! It depends whether you treat children as girls or boys or just children regardless of sex imo.
Mine don't really crash around screaming and neither play fighting/ or 'boy only stuff'. I had a lovely breakfast out with them this morning where we spent 2 hours chatting and sharing knowledge like I would with a girl.

[SoupDragon]

I found out Ds2 was a boy in the same circumstances as you. By the time he arrived I was over it and loved him right away.

I loved having a boy gang. It was easy to deal with two the same.

When DS2 was 5, his sister arrived. When I found out she was a girl I was upset that my precious boy gang had been spoilt. There is no sense behind it at all!!

Pass on all your feminist knowledge to your sons instead :)

No doubt someone will be along shortly in a grump to whinge about how you should be grateful you are having a baby full stop.

[belhamwalk]

I will definitely be raising two little feminists despite their gender. My first boy is really turning out to be very boyish! He yells a lot just to hear the sound of his own voice and wants to run around and destroy things. If I knew how to treat him so that he would be calmer and more interested in sitting in a cafe and chatting about worldly issues I would, believe me!

[TravellingToad]

I was the same. When I found out the second was another boy I was crushed. It's not PC to say it but I'm one of two sisters and INCREDIBLY close to my mum.

I adore my boys and was not sad about having boys, per se, more sad about NOT having a girl.

We were certain we only wanted two. I've been unable to get it out of my head so we have rolled the dice again and I'm pregnant with the 3rd. If it's a boy then so be it, but I was unable to move on with my life knowing that we MIGHT have had a girl if I'd tried again.

My boys are gorgeous for what it's worth. We are Raising them in a gender neutral sort of way, dolls as well as trains, bright colourful clothing not "cheeky monkey" stereotypical slogans and I will raise them as feminists. Boys are fantastic and it's between their ears that counts not their legs ;)

[RachelZoe]

I have 6 boys, wouldn't have it any other way. It would have been nice I suppose but meh, I never really had that need for a girl and you get what you're given really.


People are people, you can't choose your children, for all you know your daughter could have grown up to not agree with your own personal ideals, my children aren't all like DH and I.


My boys are great, a wide variety of personalities and interests, I can go for a manicure with one, watch another play football, like I said, people are people. It'll be fine, congratulations!

[SixtyFootDoll]

I have two boys, and didn't try for a third as I was worried I couldn't cope with another boy.
Now I wish I had.
2 boys are great.

I do sympathise though, I do get a bit sad when friends go out with their daughters on ' girly shopping ' trips.
I've asked my BFF if I can go wedding shopping when her DD gets married, just to have a taste of it!

[brittanyfairies]

I'm a mum of two boys and it's fantastic. They are great company, both of them have a wicked sense of humour. As a family unit we are incredibly close and they can talk to me about anything which is great, but as they're progressing into their teens I've had some quite mature themed conversations. They are certainly closer to me and each other than I was (and am) to my mother and sister.

Sometimes when they leave their crap lying around and I say I wish I had daughters, they like to remind me of the episode of Malcolm in the Middle where the mother had a fantasy about having all daughters instead of all sons and how it turned out for her - you should try and catch it on Netflix, it's very funny and shows how each gender brings their own differences.

I couldn't imagine being the mum of a daughter now to be honest.

[MissBattleaxe]

I think it's all too easy to idealize an imagined relationship with a daughter. I'm sure there are many threads about women who have very strained or estranged relationships with their daughters. Don't let your idealised version of an imaginary daughter cloud what is the wonderful reality of your baby boy.

I lost a daughter before she was born and was just so relieved to get a healthy baby after that. My two boys have brought me unimaginable joy. I have occasionally wondered what my daughter might have looked like, but I feel its disloyal to my sons to dwell too much.

I wish you years of joy with your sons. It's what you make it. You can still watch Frozen and take them out for hot chocolate and cake.

[belhamwalk]

Oh dear God, I'd imagined banning Frozen and Disney and such as part of my amazing relationship with my incredible inspiring daughter!!
I'm going to look for the episode of Malcom in the Middle, I reckon that will cheer me up.
I actually think I might be a bit depressed. Im not really looking forward to this baby's arrival at all. I'm totally unprepared. I just can't get my act in gear to get anything done. Plus I feel a bit like my life is F**ED now... well, in three weeks time.
I know I will be grateful to have a healthy baby boy and I do love him in utero, I just don't want him to come out. Maybe thinking about another boy tearing up the place is part of all that. C'mon, everyone says that baby/toddler girls are much easier and calmer. When they are teenagers it's another matter but boys are more of a 'handful.'

[IssyStark]

My boys love Frozen although ds2 who is 3 is more vocal about it that ds1 who is 8 , and going out for tea and cakes or ice-cream with them is fun (usually!).

Seriously 'though I know exactly what you mean. I was so sure ds2 was going to be a girl and although when he was born I wasn't disappointed, I did feel disappointed shortly afterwards when the 'baby blues' hit. It made me feel absolutely horrid about myself, moreso as it was my 10th pregnancy (recurrent m/c) thus I should have been grateful that I had a baby at all yadda yadda, so in a way your sonographer has done you a favour in that you can get it over and done with before he turn up

But it doesn't bother me in the slightest now. We're raising two boys who will be feminists, wear colours other than blue, and floral prints, know how to cook and clean as well as how to garden and fix things around the house etc. They are completely different temperaments and really I don't see how throwing in a different gender would make much of a difference to the family dynamics. I was never much cop at make up or doing girly stuff so I did dread having a girly girl; I can do everything with them I'd do with a girl without the worry of being asked for makeup advice!

I also came across the MoB acronym. I like being a MoB (mother of boys).

[TondelayoSchwarzkopf]

Hate to say this but a feminist mother of boys is in a much better position to change the world. It's the ones with the privilege who need to change.

[JawannaDrink]

You want to stop projecting on to your children your expectations of what they are going to be like, especially based on something as daft as their genitals.
Children are individuals, and you haven't the first idea what this one will be like. Give him a chance to be himself and leave the expectations at the door. If you're lucky you will get another healthy happy child, what does it matter if they have a penis or not?

[Twunk]

I have the calmest children in the world - both boys.

[Sylviecat]

Small children love tearing around, regardless of gender. My parents had 4 girls and we were always raving round the garden getting muddy/fighting etc!! Plus although we are v close to our parents I'm not sure any of us have had some kind of magical mother daughter bonding shopping trip!

I have two little boys. They are totally different to each other but so close and hilarious. They have loved playing with dolls and trains! I love watching dh bonding with them over lego and e chat about all sorts all the time.

The only thing that bothers me is comments I get from others. Esp my sil who has 2 girls. Things like 'ah I feel for you, you'll have 2 teenage boys soon' etc.

Having 2 of the same sex is great. Saves you money and seeing them play together will melt your heart.

[belhamwalk]

TondelayoSchwarkopf - hear hear! I think i'd be disappointed if i was having 2 girls aswell - i wanted one of both.
I know I should be grateful to have any healthy happy child but Jawannadrink I just can't believe I won't be able to shop in the girls section at Zara. Maybe I can raise him a girl like they do sometimes in the South Pacific??

[RachelZoe]

I don't think boys are "more of a handful", I know some seriously bratty and aggressive little girls, some very calm and placid little boys, same for teens, some drama free girls, drama queen boys. Why such heavily defined gender roles? You're way over idealizing this.

[MissBattleaxe]

C'mon, everyone says that baby/toddler girls are much easier and calmer. When they are teenagers it's another matter but boys are more of a 'handful.'

That varies according to gender. I know little girls who are much harder work and boys who are quite gentle. All children can be a handful, gender is not always the reason.

You may be nervous that you can't love your second the way you love your first, but just wait til they're born. All those doubts will disappear.

Don't close your mind to the joy a baby boy can bring. My second boy was so completely different from the older one, but I honestly can't pick a favourite, I love them both the same. Your heart just gets bigger.

[TravellingToad]

I really don't think children being a handful is down to their sex. My elder son is 3yr and he's shy, quiet, gentle, thoughtful and kind. My younger son is 1 so not sure what he will be like yet
My best friend has 2 girls. The 4 year old has always been wilful, stubborn, violent (hits and shoves!), and argumentative. It's not down to parenting as their other daughter is different.

[Seeyalater]

I don't think that girls are easier. Yes perhaps they are more likely to sit and colour rather than race about, but wow do the girls tend to be more high maintenance and demanding in other ways. Swings and roundabouts.

[belhamwalk]

Perhaps RachelZoe. I think I wanted one of both. And my DS1 is turning out to be a handful who likes to destroy things and all my friends say things like: oh, girls just sit there and read books while boys, well - they're a real handful. I don't know because I've not got a girl.
Thanks Sylviecat I was actually hoping MoB's (see what i did there?) could give me examples of how its GREAT having multiple boys. Like, they are so cute playing together, they make you breakfast in bed every day, they do impressions of Monty Python that make you fall about with laughter, they potty train themselves and..and.. you'd never get that with GIRLS!!!

[CPtart]

I have two boys now 12 and 10. Having two of the same gender has absolutely been the best outcome in the long run. They are fairly close in age and have so much in common. Will play and entertain each other with shared interests for hours on end.
Don't kid yourself though that there won't be things you may miss out on once they are older. It is still the girls in school who tend to have dance lessons and paint their nails. Not being a girly girl however, this does not bother me in the slightest. I wouldn't dream of a spa day or shopping trip with my mum.
I occasionally look at female toddlers and have the occasional pang, but for my boys having a sibling of the same gender has enriched their lives tenfold.

[Artandco]

I wouldn't say my boys are a handful at all.

Re wedding shopping example, dh is one of 4 boys. His mum went wedding shopping with him for a suit, and they spent the day having champagne afternoon tea.

Now dh still has 'mother and son' days out with his mother approx 1-2 times a year. They go out for a meal/ to theatre/ catch up. And she does the Same with his brothers throughout the year.

My boys have had their toenails painted rainbow colours all summer! They are 4 and 5 years.

[ALemonyPea]

I have three boys, and I wouldn't have it any other way. They each have their own personalities, they were all different as toddlers, they all had a pram with a doll, all had toy kitchens and all wore their (girl) cousins princess dresses. DS3 loves Frozen and cried when we went to the cinema to watch it.

Hopefully by the time he is here you will have gotten used to the idea about having another boy. You can't do much else about that really. When I found out DS3 was a boy I was disappointed as he was my last, but that had gone by the time we were out the hospital grounds and I looked forward to having another boy. I just hope I don't get sidelined as one of those awful mother in laws.

[RachelZoe]

Your friends are a bit shortsighted then OP. Like I said, among my 6 boys, I have the full range, when they were little it was everything from chemistry sets to pottery to football to reading, all sorts of things.


Like, they are so cute playing together, they make you breakfast in bed every day, they do impressions of Monty Python that make you fall about with laughter, they potty train themselves and..and.. you'd never get that with GIRLS!!!


You might get those things with girls, you might not, as much as I wish the self potty training thing were true though

[gymboywalton]

i have two sons.
they are the light of my life.

i cannot tell you how much joy and happiness they have brought me.

they are kind and considerate and gentle and loving and funny.
they are also HUGE now they are older and it's quite nice having these huge young men around the house. They eat a lot and have deep boomy voices but they are so sweet to me. They have never spoken to me in the way that some of my friend's teenage daughters have spoken to them!

They are great friends too.