Troubles at home

[Shymum88]

Please don't judge me I don't know where to turn And was hoping for some advice
I'm a mum of a one year old and two year old , my partner works long shifts , my partners parents come once a week to visit , we have never ( me and them ) had a good relationship partners mother calling me fat when pregnant sly comments etc this has always caused arguments between me and my partner as he wont stick up for me , his parents are in their 70s ... He says their just old leave it etc , well last week whilst they was here my eldest went to bite me so I picked him up put him on the naughty step , to when my partners farther got up screaming in my face literally nose to nose I'm a disgusting abusive mother , I raised my voice back saying my children and here and to not shout at me in my own home in front of my children ( by this point I was holding the one year old abs the two year old crying holding my leg , he proceeded to scream at me I told him to get out he said he didn't want to see my 'sh##' kids anyway to which I said that he was not to see them ever again as was being aggressive to me , he stomped out of the house screaming at the neighbours I abuse my children ( I tried to explain in the street it's a naughty step !) to which he got back in my face saying I'm reporting you to social services ! I rang my health visitor crying who told me that I have absolutely nothing to worry about and she would log this all on her system , she even came to see me . I suffered PND and got over it with just talking to my doctor , I keep having nightmares that social services take my children and I can't get the back ( even tho I've been reassured they wouldn't take the naughty step as abuse seriously ) my partner won't talk to me , I think his farther has some mental health issues as he goes to the doctors every day can't stay awake longer than an hour and forgets things and now the anger , his mother is unable todo things due to a clicks hip and walks on sticks , I've told my partner under no uncertain terms are the children to see his farther , he called them sh## to their faces screamed at their mum and was aggressive , my health visitor also thinks it's a good idea he stays away as my children have become clingy and upset after those, my partner won't talk about it and I don't trust him out on his own as think he will take the children to see them ( his farther also slags off my partners ex wife constantly using bad language and i have told him more then once not to say this in front of them , this is why I would know he would slag me off in front of the kids ) I don't trust my partner , am scared of my children to be around there grandad due to his aggressive behaviour , and just feel more depressed than when I did with PND , I don't have many true friends , just a lot of play group mum friends who I can't burden with this , I feel so alone and don't know what todo

[FattyNinjaOwl]

You are absolutely right to stop contact with your partners dad. And your partner should not go behind your back and take them anyway.
You are doing a fantastic job don't beat yourself up, I use the naughty corner with my 20 month old, and I used it with my 6 yo. It certainly does no harm, and your hv knows that and so would ss if they did turn up.

I don't know what to advise, but just wanted to say that you're doing the right thing and for you. Hopefully you will get a few more replies now it's bumped, and maybe someone can advise better than me

[Shymum88]

Thank you so much for taking the time to reply , it really makes a difference just to know someone took the time to read ( listen in a way ) and thank you so much for the reassurance .... Xx

[Shelduck]

shymum
Sorry that you are going through this. Your partner's father's behaviour is completely unacceptable. Of course it is Ok to use a naughty step - we take DS to his bedroom for thinking time. It sounds like you are doing a great job, and that you have a good relationship with your hv, so trust her advice. Have you been able to discuss this with your partner?

[Shymum88]

He won't really talk about it , he doesn't seem mad with me but more mad at whole situation , I think it's been a long time coming as tension always been there , when we found out our first was a boy everyone was over joyed as my partner with his previous marriage had a son that died , and I always feel they tried to over compensate with my LB when I had our daughter they came to visit said ooo she looks like you ( my son is the double of his dad daughter double of me ) and then refused to call her by her name making up there own , they have always favoured my son which gets me so mad ... My HV is amazing my son has a lot of hearing problems since being 14w old so have built a wonderful bond with her , I'm so glad everyone is saying the naughty step is a good idea , my partners parents are from the age where they would use the cane so can't see how a naughty step is abuse in their eyes , when as a child they would have been subjected to physical punishment ... Thank you for taking the time to reply , it really makes a difference to talk to someone , where as I was bottling it all up before and just crying when it became too much to handle x

[Shelduck]

Oh, bless you. Do you have any idea why your DP's father reacted the way he did? Is there more to it? Sorry that your DP won't talk about it, because it sounds like you really need his support. X