Returning to work worries

[BlackCatGirl]

I am currently on mat leave with my first. I'm planning on returning to work full time at the beginning of October, my DP is then taking over her care full time.

I have a while, but I'm already worried about being away from her and the effect this may have on our relationship and bond. It would be great to hear other people's experiences and coping strategies they employed. For example, someone has suggested increasing the amount of time away from her in the lead up so she gets used to me not being there.

I am probably over thinking it and she'll be absolutely fine, but it must be a shock to babies to go from being with the same person all day every day to another, Albeit their dad. Oh, she'll be 7 months when I go back to work.

Thanks

[Littlef00t]

I would use some of my annual leave to ease into working up to ft, as much for you as your LO and DH. Or if not possible see if DH can take some AL to get used to full days without you about.

7 months is quite a good age for this, too soon for separation anxiety and with a familiar carer. Becoming much more independent.

Dd has only turned into a mummy's girl at 14 mo, until then she was as happy being around DH who works ft as me, who went back pt at 9 mo.

[BlackCatGirl]

Thanks. Unfortunately I can't ease into going full time by taking holiday as I am using a month's holiday as my final month of mat leave. think I'll be left with 3 days to last me until January

I might see if DP can take some holiday in the lead up and I'll disappear for the day (which will be very hard!).

[CMOTDibbler]

Don't worry about it - I went back ft at 4.5 months, and ds went to nursery having only ever been with me or dh. He was fine, and has always had a fab bond with both of us.

Its not like your dd doesn't know your dp after all!

One thing dh did when I went back to travelling for work (and ds bf till he was 23 months and whenever I was at home was bf) was to never tell me anything I didn't need to know. Much later he told me how hard it was to get ds to settle without me, but just got on with it. This is in stark contrast to my colleagues dh who will still ring her (our children are now 9) when she is away and tell her the kids are ill/what should he do about a temp/ wheres the calpol etc.

[AntiHop]

My dd is 10 months and I've been back at work since she was 9 months. She's settled into nursery fine. Babies are very adaptable. We've been lucky as my dp was able to work flexibly to ease her onto nursery so she didn't have to do the full 10 hour days straight away. But I don't think that's made that much difference to be honest.

[Frizz1986]

I went back full time after a year of mat leave. Yes the first month was hard but then she settled and has even longer days there now after I changed jobs.
We still have the most special bond. She runs over so excitedly when I pick her up and wants to show me what she's up to.
They are still very adaptable so it will all be fine.

[PuppyMummy]

I went back to work full time at 7 months. I hadn't left ds for more than 4 hrs as he was bf. he went to nursery and was fine! Never seemed bothered that I 'left' him.
it hasn't affected how he is with me at all.

[blahblahblah2000]

I was so worried as well and she had separation anxiety, bottle refusal but she coped absolutely fine and from the first day back I didn't even think of my daughter during work until the end of the day!

[Nolim]

I went back at 12 months and the first few weeks dc would cry when dropped off, but also when picked up. Now he is happy in the nursery. Your baby will be fine.

[purplemurple1]

I second that you oh needs to be confident and get on with it when you aren't there so you can work and concentrate.

We both worked pt for a few months hand over but I don't think it was needed. I travelled away for few days a 3months and ds didn't seem to care I was gone.

[cheminotte]

Have you used any KIT days? If not could you use these at 2 or 3 per week and delay your official return by a month?

[BlackCatGirl]

Thanks everyone. I think I am worrying unnecessarily, she will be fine. Also she'll be 7 months which will be different to the 3 months she is now. That's a good point re the KIT days, I hadn't thought of them like that, I would have to use them before my last month though as I'm using up loads of annual leave after I finish to drag out mat leave a bit longer.

I think it'll be me phoning at lunchtime to check how things are going rather than him bothering me all the time! Although work is going to be very busy and demanding when I go back so that'll hopefully stop me worrying!

[cheminotte]

If you have said to work 'I will return from work on e.g. 1st September and immediately take e.g. 20 days of annual leave' , why not say instead 'I will return on 21st September and take 5 days annual leave but would like to do 9 Kit days in the previous 3 weeks. I wouldn't use up all your leave to extend your maternity - much better to be able to plan in some long weekends to look forward to after your return. I know you said DP is going to be looking after baby so he will cover sickness but if he were to get ill you might need to take time off.