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For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Parenting

Musing going for a 2nd DC - your experiences as an adult and a parent

19 replies

GingerDoodle · 26/05/2015 14:21

I know perspectives are only perspective and based on personal experience but:

As an adult are you close to your sibling? Do you recall them being a positive / negative part of your childhood.

Do you have 2 or are you sticking at 1? What was your reasoning.

DD is 2.8 tomorrow and we are not convinced either way which I feel we should be. No. 2 would need to be here by the tie starts school in Sept 17 as past that and there are some personal things I plan to do once i'm done with childbirth!

TIA

OP posts:

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Stubbed · 26/05/2015 15:01

I'm very close to both my siblings, both when we were younger and today. Our children are close to their cousins too. I have a large family and love it.

On the practical side, much easier to entertain children when they can play together.

shatteredstudentmum · 26/05/2015 15:41

I have 2 sisters and have always been fairly close, was nice to have someone to play with on holiday and things like that.

My two are 9 and 5 now, and it was hard for quite a while but I am finding it easier as they get older and play together more.

Andro · 26/05/2015 17:07

My 2 are 4 years apart and co-exist very well, they have little in common beyond eye colour but they don't fight. I have hope that as they get older and the relative age gap shrinks their relationship will continue to develop...that has been the pattern so far at least and they do look out for each other.

My siblings' arrival utterly destroyed the tenuous relationship I had with my mother, a parenting problem has resulted in a sibling gulf which is now beyond repair. They despise me and I both loath and resent them, I wouldn't trust either of them with anything and my dc are not permitted to be around either of them unsupervised.

My relationship with my father has remained solid, my mother wishes I had never been born. Nothing good has come of having siblings; they brought pain, isolation and physical danger into my life and stole a large part of my security.

pixiestix · 26/05/2015 17:14

My sister was a positive part of my childhood, a hugely negative part of my teenage years and now we are nearly estranged. We see each other about once every eighteen months.

My two are 4 and 1. They have a nice dynamic and life isn't much harder than with one. Having the second did change my relationship with the first in a big way and not for the better. She is very different to me and having an easy, cuddy baby around highlighted just how tricky the bigger one is. They are both fab though, and we muddle along ok.

GingerDoodle · 26/05/2015 17:18

Thank you all for your very honest responses.

I have no real benchmark from childhood as my half sister is 18 years my senior and was married when i was tiny. I was meant to be one of many but stillbirth and fertility issues meant it was not meant to be. That said I am very attached to the memory of my baby brother who was stillborn. Me & half-sis get on ok (although didn't speak for many years) but thats mainly down to the existence of DD - otherwise we wouldn't have reconnected.

DH on the other hand had a good relationship with his DS in his childhood but as adults they have minimal in common and rarely speak.

A Crystal ball would be lovely!

OP posts:

theowlandthebear · 26/05/2015 20:08

I only have one brother, for many reasons (that I can't really post here) he has enriched my life beyond measure, there is so much that I would not be if he was not here. He is an amazing person and shaped my outlook on life for the better.

My parents are both one of 4, one of my parents keeps in touch with all of their siblings, they have all supported one another through some really tough times. I have also ended up with an amazing extended family of cousins, aunts and uncles.

From the parent point of view we have more than 1, it is harder work but lovely watching them play together.

Roseybee10 · 26/05/2015 22:27

I have a half brother and sister who I try to see often and have a good relationship with but I never grew up with them living in the same house so it's not the same.
I get on well with my brother's partner which is nice and we all meet up with our kids and do holidays together.

I have two dd. one is 2.8 and the other 3 months. It's damn hard work with two especially with the phase dd1 is going through and has definitely impacted on my relationship with dd1 but seeing them together and how much dd1 dotes on her sister makes me melt. Dd1 is a very sociable child and I think she desperately needed a sibling. Some kids do better as only children but she loves being around friends and I really hope they have a positive relationship as they grow up.

cocosprings · 26/05/2015 22:39

I have two sisters and a brother. I barely talk to my brother, we don't have any disputes but don't see each other much due to his work commitments so he's a bit of a stranger to me. I get on fine with my sisters and see them more often, but we don't have much in common so we don't do many social activities together, although we have family gatherings/meals. I don't rely on anyone in my family for emotional support, I prefer to keep things to myself or sometimes confide in DH.

I have one DS who is 11 and I'm not interested in having any more. I liked being able to focus on him as an individual and he's never had any wish for a sibling, he's very independent in fact and comfortable in his own company.

CakeRattleandRoll · 28/05/2015 16:22

I have one Dsis, 2 years younger than me. We are very different people and haven't seen much of each other since we left home, due to living in different parts of the country/different countries, although we do email often. We argued a lot as kids/teenagers but we played together a lot, too, and I think I would have been quite lonely without her around. It may be a cliche, but I also think I would have become a more self-absorbed person without her around, and less appreciative of different views/ways of doing things/personality traits.

Perhaps it is a reflection of my own upbringing that I always wanted 2 children. They are only 2.9 and 3 months old at the moment but I hope they will play together as children and look out for each other throughout their lives. DC1 is very sociable and very good with DC2, I think (hope!) he is the kind of child who will love and benefit from having a younger sibling, but perhaps this depends on the personality of the older child.

ch1134 · 29/05/2015 07:01

I am extremely close to all 3 of my sisters now. We're all in our 30s and count each other as our closest friends.

We've always been close and had a ball growing up. I was never ever lonely. My childhood memories are full of happy times on the beach, singing in the car, imaginative games...

There was little space. I shared a bedroom until I was 14 and my eldest sister went to uni. But even though I lived in hand-me-downs and was never spoilt with material stuff, I never remember feeling hard done by. I was always busy, happy and entertained.

I am so grateful for my siblings. I feel that being part of a big family defined me as a child, and they provide endless support in adulthood. As a result I can't help feeling that the greatest gift I could give a child is siblings. Currently expecting no.2!

bronya · 29/05/2015 07:22

My aunt is a great support to my Dad now my Mum is ill. I have two and DS loves little DD to bits. I didn't realise how much he craved a sibling until she was here. My relationship with him hasn't changed, and I love them both totally equally.

TheMidnightHour · 29/05/2015 13:55

I love my brother to bits. He's 2y younger and we have always fought and played together until we were teenagers, when we stopped fighting (mostly). We've always got on pretty well. That said, I love my 'not-a-brother' to bits too - an only child of my parents' friends who is a month younger than I am, who I was raised with, and who is as close as a brother.

Sibling relationships seem to be part parent-sculpted, part circumstance (would we have been as close if we hadn't been the only kids in the village?) and part lottery so perhaps a second is something to do or not do for you & DP, not your DC? (She says, gearing up to have her first and therefore still being delusional a perfect parent (tm))

storybrooke · 30/05/2015 12:03

I have two younger half sisters (4 & 6 year gaps) and a half brother who is 10 years younger. We don't have the same dad (they do) but it makes no difference, I adored them growing up, we fought like siblings when they reached teens but we share 'in jokes', experiences, a lot of history and I can't imagine life without them. Dh has two brothers, a half brother on his dads side and two step sisters, so we both come from big families that way. I always wanted 4 but the practicality and expense means we'll stop with my son and daughter (18 month age gap).

They annoy each other, snatch, fight, yell at times but they cuddle, kiss, she idolises her big brother and shes his babs and it works great. Shes brought my son out of his shell in public and its easy to see they're learning from each other. I didn't imagine it'd be as hard at times but then I'd not change a thing we did. The thing that has been most difficult was splitting my attention. Its doable but more than two I don't think I'd manage well.

Good luck with whatever you decide. We got a shock with my daughter so wasn't totally planned at that time but works so well for us x

WorldsBiggestGrotbag · 30/05/2015 12:05

My brother died when he was 27 (I was 24) but we were very close before that.
I'm currently expecting DC2. DD is only 18 months and it definitely wasn't planned but I'm glad the choice was taken out of our hands

DoveOfPeace · 04/06/2015 22:46

Sorry for your loss, Grotbag.

Addictedtocustardcreams · 05/06/2015 16:42

I think others would say I am not that close to my brother but although we don't see each other loads or speak on the phone all that often (as we are both busy & at other ends of the country) I love having him. We totally share the same sense of humour & I love having someone who we can chat about growing up with. We hated each other as teens though!
I am waiting to see how things go now I have two of my own. It's only been 3 months but DD clearly loves her baby DS. I just have to try and stop her climbing on top of him now!

LemonYellowSun · 05/06/2015 16:48

I am friendly with my brother but we aren't close ie we don't see each other more than a handful of times s year. That said I would be there for him at drop of a hat. Hopefully vice versa. I had a happy childhood with my brother being a big part of that as we shared ours together.

I have a noisy household but my two really are the best of friends. Can't imagine their childhood without each other.

Rinkydinkypink · 05/06/2015 17:58

My sister and I aren't close. We'd help each other out but we live our own lives, don't socialise and frankly annoy each other.

My dc are 5 years apart. It's lovely. They're much closer than I was with my siblings and I love watching them be together.

Two is more tiring, expensive, stressful but it's also lovely

I honestly think they'll be friends for life!

Don't do it for the children. Do it because you want another child!

Wigeon · 05/06/2015 18:01

Three years between me and my sister and very glad to have her. Also can't imagine my childhood without her.

Three years between my DDs too and I am sure they would rather have each other than not.

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