Advice on telling inquisitive 4 year old her father isn't around because he is violent.

[cyprusmomma]

Advice Please

[Stripysecrets]

Does she need to know he is violent?

I guess it depends on your 4 year old and how much you want her to know and how much you are happy for her to repeat to others.

Could you say something like 'sometimes daddy gets angry and so daddy is working on new ways to deal with it so that everyone is safe. We can see daddy again when he's sorted it out' or something!

It all depends on how much she already knows.

[cyprusmomma]

So far I just keep repeating that he's a bad man and lives very far away. Which Is true. she's never known him but she's very flipping inquisitive and notices everyone around has a mum and dad.

[RB68]

Many people have both but not all. I would be open and say he does live far away and that he has not been around since she was xx (age) because he hurt you/her and that he got too angry and it was decided that it wasn't safe for him to live with you. Kids can cope with alot more than we think so long as we are there to support them and we are open to talking and telling the truth. Whilst the phrase "bad man" is how you prob think about him you do need to be careful being so generic with her - e.g. if she thinks of being naughty as being bad she may feel like you will send her away, which undermines her feeling of safety etc

[cyprusmomma]

That's a good point regarding the bad man part of it. Hadn't thought about that.

[BeccaMumsnet]

Hello cyprusmomma - we're just going to pop your thread over to a more appropriate topic so you can get the best advice.

[TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams]

What do you want other people to know?

I'd be inclined to say something along the lines of "Daddy hurt me/you and you didn't want to live with him any more because nobody is allowed to hurt other people" . I agree with RB68