Small age gap help, tips and advice.

(15 Posts)
Jenny1231990 Sat 09-May-15 12:28:01

Hi all, I'm nearly 40weeks pg with baby number 3, I also have a 12month old and a 6 year old son.

My eldest is fine and extremely excited about the new arrival, however my 1 year old obviously doesn't understand, she is extremely clingy with me, her dad and brother.
Although on the go constantly I'm worried about how the new baby will affect her, i never had to worry about such a small age gap before.
How do I stop her getting jealous and maybe trying to hurt baby?
My mum has made remarks about her possibly becoming spiteful and trying to hurt the newborn. I don't want this and the comments upset me, least with my son I could involve him more by helping me.
Can anyone with an age gap so small tell me what they did, or did it just flow and nothing to worry about.
I plan on trying to use the baby carrier as much as I can so I have my hands free and so on.
I need tips. I'm so happy and excited too just it's in the back of my mind

Givemecaffeine21 Sat 09-May-15 20:14:12

11 month gap here and jealousy was never an issue - I think DD was too young to be jealous really. I got her involved too, passing me things like wipes and nappies. She always wanted to 'help' with her little brother. I wouldn't worry too much unless it happens, but try to make as much fuss of her as of new baby and when people visit with gifts for baby have some things for her so she feels she is getting something too...even if it means having gifts wrapped up and pretending they're from guests. She's too young to understand. Last year on DS's 1st bday a bit of jealous emerged as DD could nor comprehend that his presents were HIS and not hers, but she was nearer two and it was something we handled gently. She kept taking his gifts and wailing when he wanted them back, saying 'mine' etc. But other than that she has been a loving big sister and we always praised her loads for being kind and gentle which she thrived on.

Jackieharris Sat 09-May-15 20:17:27

I think she's too young for you to be worried about her hurting the baby.

Your dm shouldn't be saying things like that to you!

Loubar Sat 09-May-15 22:23:12

I have a 12 month old DD and a 6 week old DD. My 12 month old has adapted so well. She is gentle (ish) with the baby and very interested in her! She is too young to remember things being any different, and I'm so happy to have them this close. There are huge challenges, but spitefullness/jealousy is not one of them. Good luck, enjoy it.

ShatterResistant Sat 09-May-15 22:28:17

I have a 14 month age gap, and honestly, my DD wasn't interested in the baby at all for about the first 4 months. Never even looked at him. I was a bit worried actually. In retrospect, I think she was too young for jealousy, and he was just too boring when he couldn't do anything. Now they're 1 and 2 and they LOVE each other - so much giggling and rough and tumble. Reasonable precautions, of course - I never left them in a room on their own when he was tiny etc etc, but I'm sure it'll be great.

Jenny1231990 Sun 10-May-15 11:36:33

Wow thank you all, that's made me feel so much happier, yes my mum does seen to say these things she had a similar age gap between my brother and sister and said it happened. She caught my sister pinching my brother in his cot but again I wouldn't leave them alone like that anyway.

Lots of fuss for all of them definitely. I love the thought of a small age gap and them growing up together, happy I posted. Thank you all x

Lilipot15 Mon 11-May-15 19:55:41

I opened this thread as I will shortly have a 15 month age gap and it had made me feel less anxious. Also hopefully your six year old can both be helpful and also help make a fuss of and keep your one year old company Jenny - good luck and enjoy your new baby :-)

Hillijx Mon 11-May-15 20:12:04

I have a 4 week old baby and a 17 month toddler so a 16 month age gap. A month ago I was so worried about this as my toddler is boisterous and a bit clingy with me. She already pinches a hits her 3 year old sister so I was convinced the poor newborn was going to suffer. No problems at all! She is so young that she just accepted this change like it was normal. Loves the baby, tries to help change the nappy, rubs her tummy when she cries and says aahhhh and even gives her impromptu kisses which the rest of us don't get! Only problem is she likes to give her toys and they often land on her head!! There are a lot of nappy changes to do now though!!

Lilipot15 Mon 11-May-15 22:01:04

Hillijx - sounds like you are doing well. Do you mind sharing tips for keeping your 17 month old occupied when you are feeding the newborn? I felt better when I saw how gentle my DD was with a much younger baby recently, but equally she can be rough and my parents dog and our car put up with quite a bit of over-enthusiasm! She will need to be closely watched with a newborn.
Also, practical things like simply getting everyone downstairs - do you take baby first, leave them somewhere safe and return for 17 month old? I'm hoping a fabric sling will be our friend. DD can get upstairs on her own with someone right behind, other way definitely not yet!

Lilipot15 Mon 11-May-15 22:01:52

*our cat, not car - the car can survive some over vigorous patting!

mrsmeerkat Mon 11-May-15 22:50:36

14 month gap here op. The only issue I had was that i didn't breastfeed for long so when i fed the newborn a bottle and toddler wanted it. I felt I should have toddler off the bottle but in the end I just gave in and i give him two in the daytime so he doesn't feel left out.

Also he was fascinated with the newborn and wanted to touch his eyes but it wasn't I spite l just fascination. The newborn is now five months old. I have felt isolated at times but I think it is a lovely age gap. Toddler calls out for the baby in the morning from his room until we bring him in. Baby roars laughing at the toddler. It is so so cute.

Hillijx Tue 12-May-15 11:29:05

Lillipot, my 17 month old is very enthusiastic, by that I mean a tad violent at times! Yet she is only gentle with the baby. When feeding she just plays and I'm careful to talk to her lots, if she is in a mood and doesn't want to play we read a book (takes some juggling but rugby hold works well as you can have one each side) or if it comes to it then I resort to in the night garden but that's only when she is super tired and grumpy. In all honesty feeding hasn't been an issue and I can't see how bottle feeding would be easier so I'm still enjoying breastfeeding. I fed dd2 until 6 months with no issues from dd1. Baby is the last to be moved as if she is in her basket she is safest! I have the basket in same room most of the time or upstairs with the monitor on. Getting to the car is a struggle with 3 as we don't have a drive but we have a double buggy so if needed toddler can be strapped down! All the things I worried about have turned out easier and the hardest thing is dealing with my 3yr old and toddler as they argue a lot, the baby is a breeze in comparison!!

ShatterResistant Tue 12-May-15 11:48:10

Lilipot, for getting downstairs, I sat down, carried the baby and the 14 month old sat on my knee. Ridiculous, but worked for us. We also kept going up and down to an absolute minimum, I.e. all dressed and ready for the day before we went down. I'm a bit more relaxed about it now, but that's how it was for months!

Lilipot15 Tue 12-May-15 11:53:19

Hillijx - thanks, sounds like what I was planning on. DD getting better at sitting and looking at books / toys for a bit longer now, and we have been series linking various cbeebies shows! There is a lot to be said for the convenience of breast feeding and not doing all the bottles, so hoping I'll find it easier and quicker to establish this time round, but not taking that for granted, it was a bit of a struggle for the first 2-3 weeks last time but DH will be off for 2 weeks pat leave at least.

MiaowTheCat Tue 12-May-15 19:08:36

11 months here and it's only now they're both toddlers that hurting each other becomes an issue - and it's the usual toddler pushing and shoving and hugs that are more of a wrestling match on the carpet... and they're very very close as siblings go.

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