Could I have pnd 17 months on?

[PumpkinPie2013]

Sorry if this is in the wrong place but I just need some help

I have a beautiful 17 month old ds who is our only child.
His birth was traumatic for me - 41 hours ending in emergency c - section under general anaesthetic

For ages, I felt like I didn't really bond with him - it's hard to explain but I felt like I'd been handed a baby that could be anyone's

I had the usual baby blues but nothing major. Had a birth debrief when he was 4 months old but it didn't really help tbh.

Fast forward to now and I feel so low he's lovely and funny and starting to talk but like most toddlers he has his moments and it just stresses me out so much

For example, today, we have come out for the day and he created in the cafe - not sure why but properly kicked off DH can cope with distracting him but I just can't as I feel that everyone is looking at me.

It's got to the point that I dread going out with him (even to family ) and would rather just stay at home

I do love him honestly, and I would never hurt him. I make sure he has everything he needs and more but I feel so low and sad all the time

Me and DH work full time ( teachers ) so it's not that I don't get time apart.

I feel so awful - he deserves so much better I just don't know what to do - I haven't properly told anyone how I feel - not even my mum or husband

[joopy79]

Don't worry about other people! Those with children will understand that toddlers have their moments!

I have a 16mo and I avoid going to cafes and restaurants because DS just wants to walk about and push chairs over!

I tend to go to parks a lot to tire him out or shops where he can wander without breaking anything. We spend a lot of rainy days looking at washing machines!

You're both working full time, do you get a break? Does your husband take him out without you or do you have family that can help out?

[Galvanized]

Yes it could be PND. All the other mums in my PND support group only sought help after 12+ months. Ask around, get support from GP, HV, friends, family, online, PND charities, HomeStart. Equally it's okay to feel like you do, you're not the only one

[Lonz]

THIS is exactly how I feel. I have only just realised myself how I feel and my son is three! It's taken years and I'm heartbroken. I didn't even know.

It may not be PND...It could be Post Natal PTSD. You sound like you have the symptoms. They are different, but symptoms can over-lap. I didn't know what it was and I think the awareness of it needs to increase! Ask your GP. Look it up, and you'll realise. I cried when I read about it because I feel like I've missed a lot in the last 3 years and I would hate for you to find out what's wrong so late. GO TO YOUR GP!
xx

(this is late post as I can't sleep because of it!)

[PumpkinPie2013]

Thank you all so much for taking the time to reply - it has helped to read other people's experiences.

joopy the bit about washing machines made me laugh I know what you mean about them just wanting to walk around - that's my ds! He will sit while he eats but as soon as he's finished he wants to be off.

He loves parks/farms/soft play (we have a brilliant one near us thankfully ) - basically anywhere where he can run around. Bizarrely, he also likes sitting in the trolley while I do the shopping.

I don't get much of a break tbh - DH will take him out but really only for an hour whereas I will take him for a good few hours while DH gets stuff done.

Postnatal PTSD sounds like it could be a possibility - I'm going to make a GP appointment.

Thanks again.

[CristaBell]

I do feel for you and understand completely how you feel. Talk to your DH or a close friend and see your GP. Talking does help and you've made the first steps by posting on here. Good luck