Breastfeeding support please :( is baby getting enough?

[jessica3692]

I feel so low today and I'm going to see a bf specialist next week but wanted to hear advice from other mamas.

My daughter was born weighing 6.8 and at her 12 week weigh in she is now 11.7. Although she is putting weight on she has "dipped" on the weight graph so I've been asked to go back in two weeks. This made me feel pretty crap.

My LO feeds every two hours in the day. She then cluster feeds a little at night and then sleeps 3-4 hours before her next feed. Then 2-3 hours until it's morning and we are then back to two hour feeds. She feeds beautifully at night but it seems in the day my milk let down seems slower so she fusses at the boob until the let down and she is then very content. I should also mention that she feeds from one boob at a time (unless she is having a growth spurt) and only for ten minutes. I am not concerned about this as have researched it and seems normal.

What upsets me is I feel I have very little support from anyone but my partner. 1) From day one my friend and her mother keep suggesting I express and crumble risk with it so baby has more. They say it all the time. The mother (even though she formula fed) even talks to my daughter saying "I know, mummy's bad not giving you any rusk". 2) I feel crap about her last weigh in. 3) now my mum (even though she formula fed) after seeing baby fuss at boob in the day has said sadly milk supply does fade and bought me some formula and has told me a sad story about a baby passing away due to dehydration! ;( Why are people making me feel this crap. It's all said in kindness I suppose but it just leaves me crying to my partner at night.

My baby is happy, smiley, active, fed on demand, satisfied after each feed and has plenty of wet nappies. So how can I not be giving her enough?! Please tell me I'm right and I don't need to start giving her formula. It means so so much for me to continue to bf exclusively and it seems I am being persuaded not to.

Thanks for all advice and support in advance.

From one anguished mama xxx

[ragged]

You know she's getting enough, the nappy contents tell you as much.
So :( to read the people IRL aren't helping.
Are there any support groups in your area?

[boardblonde]

They are all wrong!! Breastfed babies don't put on weight in the same way formula fed babies do. As long as your lo is happy, plenty of wet nappies and latching on well you don't need to worry. I would suggest finding a breastfeeding support group near you to get some reassurance. Listen to your intuition, if it feels like everything is ok then it is. I personally don't think

[KatoPotato]

Can't offer any practical advice I'm sorry, but couldn't read and run!

You're doing great x

[Dollyemi]

Omg, tell them to shut the hell up, their comments are stressing you out. Ban them from visiting if necessary. How about having a chat with La Leche league helpline until you can see your bf support worker? Their number is 0845 120 2918. So sorry you're having a rough time, wish I could be more helpful.

[Iwillorderthefood]

You are doing fine. The weight gain sounds great. Ignore these people, your baby would be beside herself if she was not getting enough, she would not sleep like she does, and she would be feeding all the time to try and stimulate more milk. If you crumble up rusk to feed your baby, you will start to jeopardise your milk supply. Your milk is enough, it's not fading.

[boardblonde]

La leche league have a UK helpline you can call for advice and can help you find a local group.
www.laleche.org.uk

[boardblonde]

La leche league have a UK helpline you can call for advice and can help you find a local group.
www.laleche.org.uk

[Abracadabra1]

Babies are roughly expected to double their birthweight in 6 maths which your baby seems on track to do if she already weighs 11 lb! That's great. As long as you are feeding her often whenever she wants and she is having wet and dirty nappies she will be fine. Try not to get too hung up on is she having enough? Look at the baby if she is happy and healthy she IS getting what she needs. Keep on feeding and try not to take peoples comments to heart. You are doing a brilliant very important job! X

[PenguinsandtheTantrumofDoom]

Your friend is badly informed.

Are they suggesting rusk in a bottle? If so, that is massively dangerous. Babies can die choking on solids in bottles.

Just don't see so much of them. Or lie about weight.

[pangaea90]

YY to all the above. You're doing great, your baby sounds fine (and don't worry about the weigh in, weight gain fluctuates and even with my not-at-all small (fully bf) baby, I had one HV really upset me over weight gain once). If there was a genuine problem, somebody professionally qualified will tell you anyway.

Two things I will add to the sense given above are that:

1. Milk supply doesn't generally fade to the point of needing formula if you're feeding on demand. When your baby starts taking solids and dropping feeds (which won't necessarily happen at the same time), your supply will adjust to the needs of your child. But that's just it, it won't drop to being too low unless you actively encourage it to reduce, e.g. by introducing formula. And if they start feeding more again, e.g. when teething, your supply will increase again too.
   

1. As your baby is 12 weeks she is far too young to be given rusk, or any other solids. She shouldn't be having those until six months (I'm sure you know this, but just to be clear what I mean). And saying things like "I know, mummy's bad not giving you any rusk" is appalling. It's mean and unnecessary and downright wrong.
   

I'm so sorry you're having to go through this. You are doing an amazing and sometimes difficult thing for your baby and you should be supported and applauded. If you can, get to a breastfeeding support group, rant on here if you need to, but absolutely do not give up just because of the judgemental and incorrect 'advice' you've been given. Please don't cry over what they say - be annoyed by it, dismiss it with the contempt it deserves, but don't be upset by it. You're doing a wonderful thing.

[measles64]

My DIL goes to a group once a fortnight, one of ten mums she is the only one breastfeeding. This week when they were weighed the health visitor said he was not gaining as fast as the others in the group. This upset her. I said look at my three all big strong men. They told me way back when, that they would not gain as fast. He was 7 12 when born and is 12 12 at twelve weeks. Looks very well and is happy. I despair sometimes.

[cookiefiend]

11lb???! She is huge! (In a good way) those growth charts also include ff babies so a bf baby does tend not to quite follow the curve. The key is that she is gaining weight and that she is meeting the milestones you expect like being alert. She is doing all of these thing. It took my 8lb 3oz daughter forever to hit 10lb and I was freaking out, but the wise midwife told me the above. She also asked me to look around the room and whether all the adults were the same shape and size- of course they were not- and she said exactly, it is the same with babies.

You are doing incredibly well. Do not let anyone knock your confidence or pressure you into doing anything silly like weaning early. Your baby is doing brilliantly. Relax. Eat some cake and see a bf specialist next week to rebuild your confidence and ignore the idiots giving you outdated advice. Your supply will not fade given how much you are feeding- all is well. Keep it up.

[ShadowFire]

Are there any breastfeeding support groups near you? La Leche League or Sure Start Baby Cafes?

And as pp say. The current guidelines say to avoid solids of any sort, including rusks, until baby is 6 months old. The guidelines used to say 3 months, so is it possible that your mum may not realise that you're following up to date advice by ignoring her advice on rusks?

Milk supply is unlikely to fade if you're exclusively breastfeeding on demand, as the amount of milk produced increases / decreases depending on how much the baby feeds. Replacing a breastfeed with a formula feed could, on the other hand, lead to a reduction in supply.

[jessica3692]

Ladies, thank you SO SO much for reassuring me. You have reminded me of everything i knew but forgot due to my confidence being knocked and I feel so much stronger that I'm doing the right thing. I knew I was right about not giving bubba rusk but it's impossoble to tell my friend and her mother - I guess because that's what they did then it must be right!

Thank you again, all of you. I will sleep much better now and will tell eveyone to shove it in future! :)

[KatoPotato]

Some DM's and MIL's would have us all believe we were eating roast dinners and sleeping through by 12weeks.

[measles64]

And potty trained by 16 weeks.

[pangaea90]

Something I have learnt since having a baby is that people will give you all sorts of unsolicited and sometimes incorrect advice. If it's only occasional you can just blandly brush it off and completely ignore it, but it's much more difficult when it's relentless and/or someone close to you.

I had this sort of thing from close quarters too for a while and I had to really stick to my guns over it. But I did, and eventually it stopped.

The important thing here is that this is your choice, your baby and your body. Ultimately, you know you're doing everything right and that it's up to you. If you have to then tell them that you appreciate that they're trying to help but that you're feeding your baby in a different way to them and that their comments are starting to knock your confidence, so maybe in future if you're doing something differently to them they could ask about how that works differently for you or just mind their own business rather than tell you you're wrong.

Stick with it, it'll be worth it a million times over in the long run.

[pangaea90]

Oh and YY to the potty training. My response "good good"

[Latium123]

I totally agree with all the other posters here. Do not give in to these stupid comments. Trust your own instinct on this - if you know your baby is having plenty wet and dirty nappies and is alert and happy then feeding is going well. And the weight gain is good too. Mine started on the 50th centile, dropped to the 9th at one point for a number of reasons including mastitis etc but I trusted my instincts and carried on BFing on demand and at her 6 mo weight check she is back to the 50th centile. Certainly do not give formula unless you have considered this fully and want to introduce it - that will potentially cause more problems by reducing your supply and can also cause problems with the babies gut health.

Trust your instincts and carry on doing the great job you are doing feeding your baby.

[Latium123]

Just one more thing to add. For someone who is BFing on demand and not missing the baby's feeding cues, it would be very unusual for milk supply to "fade" / dry up. Sometimes people think their supply is reducing but all that is happening is a combination of 1) baby getting more efficient at getting the milk and therefore feeding much faster; 2) breasts feeling more comfortable as the body adapts to BFing and therefore less engorgement and less noticeable when there is still plenty milk.

[September60b]

Op your situation sounds identical to mine-to the point that our bath weights are almost exactly the same. My dd's weight dipped slightly at the last weigh in but the health visitor wasn't in the least but worried and told me to go back in 4 weeks. My mum made a comment along the lines of giving baby rice but I just put it down to a generational thing (and also she didn't bf me). Sounds like you are doing really well and sorry you're not getting the support!

[Cobo]

People say things like "milk fades away" because they don't understand how breastfeeding works. As someone else said above, it might appear to someone who was ill-informed that milk is reducing because the breasts feel less full, but this is just the body getting milk levels right.

If I were you, I'd start by getting some help from a support line or group - they might have some ideas for boosting weight gain in the next couple of weeks. (There's a good page on the breastfeeding website Kellymom on increasing weight gain too - Google "kellymom weight gain" .) Then I would be getting tough with your mum, giving her the formula back with a "thanks but we don't need it, my supply is fine" and then telling her that her comments aren't helpful and you don't want to hear them any more.

Good luck, sounds like you're doing great.