When do you start teaching right from wrong?

[Writerwannabe83]

DS is 13 months old and appears to have had a personality transplant as he's become such a monkey

His latest one is that he won't stop throwing things. He will pick up a toy and throw it across the room and at meal times he will repeatedly pick food off his tray and throw it over the side of the high chair.

The throwing of the toys has been escalating and today he threw a toy brick in my direction and it hit me in the face. Whenever he throws something I always give him a stern 'no' but then he will pick up another toy and then throw that one. He looks at me in such a way when he does it that I know he's testing me.

This morning, after the brick hit my face, I decided that something had to be done so every time he threw a toy I gave my stern 'no' and then pick the toy up and put it on top of the wall unit and so far there are five toys up there. He has a few seconds of being hysterical when I put his toy up there but I can't let him carry on throwing things. Is this too harsh at his age?

Story time before bed has also become difficult as whereas he used to sit nicely on my lap for his two stories he now constantly tries to stop me turning pages, he hits the book, he tries, to rip the book out my hands and surprise, surprise he tries to throw it. I have taken the stance that if he behaves like this then he doesn't get the story and so I stop halfway through, put the book back on the bookcase and then start on his second story. If he starts with the same behaviour during the second book then I stop reading that one too. This morning, prior to his nap, he was carrying out this behaviours on both stories so he was put into his cot without either book being read.

I don't know what's normal behaviour or what I should allow him to do because 'that's what babies his age do' and in what circumstances do I need to be firm and take action to try and make him see his behaviour isn't acceptable.

Does anyone have any advice?

[WowOoo]

Right from the start, as you are doing.

He'll learn and it will get better.

I remember awful tantrums after taking toys away because my son was throwing them. Grin and bear it because the sooner he learns, the better.

[ArriettyMatilda]

I could have written your post last month! My dd is 16 months old. I like to let her explore and do exactly as she pleases. I wanted to encourage her curiosity. This was fine at groups and with most things, as I had made the cupboards safe to explore. But everything was a mess all the time. Someone gave me an amazing tip that we are trying. Basically if she gets things out that is still fine, but now there is a consequence in that when she has lost interest I help her put it all away. This way she fulfills her strong desire to empty cupboards and will eventually understand that she must put things away. Also when there are cupboards with unsafe objects in, I lead her to a cupboard with safe objects in, so that I am saying no and offering an alternative.

In your example you can see your ds has a strong desire to throw. Would you allow him to throw soft toys or balls? Or perhaps he could throw things into a bucket? Either way it is OK to say no but without offering an alternative this leaves the child with the same desire and energy to throw and no outlet for it. Then comes frustration! Offering an alternative teaches them that it is not OK to do the thing they initially wanted. Does that make sense? We have just started trying this method in the past few days and it really does work for us, but please let me know if it works for you too.

[ArriettyMatilda]

www.awareparenting.com/twenty.htm

I've also just found this link, I think it has some helpful suggestions about what to do when your child's behaving in a way that is not acceptable.

[Hillijx]

Sounds very normal, my dds have both become very opinionated after 1, it makes me wonder why they call it the terrible twos when it starts so early! My dd likes to pinch and hit, with my dd1 I did a similar thing to you and said no and made consequences, it worked well and she is a reasonably behaved 3.5 yr old now! Dd2 is 16 months and saying no made her pinch me more, so I just turned my head and ignored her and she stopped immediately, she also had that look and she seemed to enjoy my reaction so not giving her one made her grow bored. She rarely pinches me now but she still does it to my husband who gives her a stern no, and dd1 who acts like any small child would and screams to the delight of dd2!

I think by setting the rules now you are doing the right thing and he is definatley not too young. There is no set rules on how to teach them so if he seems to be getting the message then keep on going. I found it a bit shocking first time round when my darling baby started to misbehave!

[seventeen]

Right from the beginning

It's all just phases at this stage, so there's the hitting phase and the pushing phase. All dealt with by a firm no and eventually it stopped.

DS is 2.5 now and knows the meaning of "naughty". As he develops other issues come up and he's told no if it's something he shouldn't do.

When he's really pushing I either ignore or distract as at the moment he thinks getting told off is hilarious. It's fucking annoying!

[DeathMetalMum]

At that age I would have done the same as you in regards to the book. With throwing food or toys before removing the item I would show what's supposed to be done with it. E.g the bricks I would say 'no we don't thow' and build a tower or line them up then ask dc if they'd like to do it if they threw it again I would show them again and offer and then take it away if they threw for the third time.

[seventeen]

Sorry I should have added I would have reacted the same as you in both of the situations you describe.

DS used to throw toys out of the bath, which drove me nuts. So every toy he chucked out didn't get thrown back in and instead got put away - he soon stopped!

[Hillijx]

The bath toys annoy me too, they don't get them back! My health visitor asked at the 1 yr check if she had started playing the game of throw things on the floor and get it back and throw it again, I said she would if I gave it back, the health visitor looked at me as if I was mean!!

[seventeen]

That made me

[Writerwannabe83]

I'm glad I'm not the only one with a thrower!!

[Lucyccfc]

I had a thrower and did exactly the same, except our toys went on the top of the microwave. Took a bit of patience and consistency, but it worked.

[Writerwannabe83]

You aren't a Coventry City fan are you Lucy?

So far today there have been 6 toys put on top of the cabinet

[MokunMokun]

DS's first word was no

DD is 15 months old and also can be 'naughty'. We do tell her repeatedly not to flush all the toilet paper and not to hit big sister. Gentle but firm.

[Writerwannabe83]

My DS has got two words, cat and ball. Absolutely anything that moves is a cat

[HarveySchlumpfenburger]

It's not so much about right from wrong being naughty, it's a schema.
www.cbeebies.com/za/grown-ups/helpful-articles?article=schemas-and-play

If he's thowing stuff at you or stuff you don't want I would say 'no' firmly. But I would give him plenty of opportunities where he can experience dropping or throwing stuff i.e. take him outside and give him a ball. He will stop but mostly because he's out grown it rather than anything else.

[qumquat]

That article is great! Dd has a tennis balls which she throws constantly, luckily always downwards!