DS at nursery for 9 months and still not reliably settled

[Thetreeonthemountaintop]

I am feeling really low. This is the second nursery ds has been at, and he has been at it for 9 months. I took him out of the first as it became clear he it didn't suit him and he hated it. I was delighted when his current nursery offered him a place as it just seemed like it would be a really good fit for him and the staff are all lovely. It took him a long time to settle at drop offs, he got better, then worse for a long time, then seemed to be doing okay at drop offs, clearly a bit perturbed but not crying. But what with the Easter break and him being ill he has been off for two weeks and he is now hysterical at the mere mention of nursery. This morning his dad was going to take him to nursery. I was explaining that he was going to nursery, he was crying and gripping onto me as tight as he could. His dad managed to get him in the car seat, but he was sobbing, screaming and reaching out to me. He has been like this every day since Easter,
I would be a sahm in a heartbeat but we can't afford it and dh's job is very insecure.
I'd he doesn't like this nursery he won't like any. I don't see that a CM would help as it seems to be the separation that is upsetting him. Nursey say he is ok in the day, but at home time now he runs to me and wants to leave straight away.
I hate this. I just want to cry.
Anyone else been through this?

[Thetreeonthemountaintop]

He is two btw.

[DaneBowers]

My 2 yr old does this every nursery day too, but she's fine once she's there. Tbh, I think at this age they can only think about the here and now IYSWIM, so it's difficult for them to imagine/remember that there's another place where they can and do have fun without their favourite people (you).

It's really very normal for kids to run to their parents at home time and to want to leave quickly; they're excited to see you. It's not necessarily a sign that things have been bad.

Do you trust what the nursery staff tell you about him being fine? Is he playing, eating, having fun once you leave?

[Thetreeonthemountaintop]

Thanks Dane, yes he is very happy when we leave, wants to run around and play. The nursery lady who told me he is happy there is someone I trust. I sought her out to ask especially as I partcularly trust her and she always gives the most detailed feedback about ds when I pick him up. That makes me think she is partcularly good at observing kids and understanding them.
It is though, hard to truly believe when he is so, so, hysterically screaming and having to be prised off me.

[Thetreeonthemountaintop]

I don't know desperately, they say they will call if he stays upset. I could try that. I used to hear that he would calm down even before I left the nursery sometimes.
I think I am so upset ( apart from massive sleep deprivation) because this crying and getting upset in anticipation of going to nursery is new. At least before he was only upset when he was at nursery and realised I was leaving him. And his levels of hysteria are just so magnified. I really thought he would be okay by now.
Thanks for replying. I guess I am just letting of steam. I probably just need to ride this through ( or win the lottery and take him out of nursery : )

[DaneBowers]

This is the age when they learn that it's OK to be apart from mummy and daddy because mummy and daddy will always come back. It's an important thing for a little one to learn IMHO.