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For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Parenting

I'm in birthday party hell...

17 replies

verbeier · 15/04/2015 20:14

My DS is in reception and extremely shy. There have been lots of parties since September - he has been invited to very few. So I have spent a stupid amount of his party, to try and raise his profile a bit and make friends (he is very worried about his very small number of friends at school). We have a small flat, so church hall booked, veeeeeery expensive entertainer....twenty invites given out three weeks ago. Four acceptances. Party in two days. I feel dreadful, for him - he was so happy handing out the invites. (Completely appreciate that the holidays must have interfered with peoples lives, but can they at least respond to say no?). I just really hope the five of them have a nice party, don't want to think about the per head cost, haha! Is it common for people not to respond at all to invites here? We had the same thing at his nursery too, but better turn out in the end but 8 out of 20 didn't even reply then too. We live in London, by the way.

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lunar1 · 15/04/2015 20:20

I'd check with the others. I'd also tell those coming that siblings are welcome to come.

verbeier · 15/04/2015 20:23

Maybe that's part of the problem - I only do one pick up from school a week...I don't know all the parents. Maybe I should have gone with children of the parents I do know, they might feel a bit more morally compromised to come! . Extremely good idea about siblings, thanks, will do that!!

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iwantavuvezela · 15/04/2015 20:25

You need to go up to the parents you know and just ask if their child can make it. Not rsvp'ing and still coming to party is quite common. If you have their texts just send and ask. (I have done this before and that usually gets a quick response) I would imagine that you will get lots of children who are planning on cloning and perhaps with break they have forgotten to reply.
I hope your son has a good party .

DarylDixonsDarlin · 15/04/2015 20:26

Do you see the other parents at drop offs /collection times? Id ask them in person if possible. Not sure what else to suggest if you cant see them personally did you ask for RSVPs?

Hassled · 15/04/2015 20:26

People really do seem to see RSVPing as entirely optional - the number of responses could bear no reality to the number who actually show up .

Do you have (or could you wangle) a pick up day between now and the party where you do a bit of assertive "I sent Little Jimmy an invite - is he coming?" at the school gates?

MisForMumNotMaid · 15/04/2015 20:28

Better five potential good friends than a free for all where your son gets lost in the crush.

We had a similar situation with my younger son. Moved to a new school, struggled to find his place, threw a big party, invited whole class got about 1/3 responses, almost all turned up. DS2 completely overwhelmed joined in but didn't really establish any friendships. I was to flat out dealing with dramas to chat to any parents and try to make adult contacts to arrange future play etc.

Enjoy your select group of mannered parents and children.

Only1scoop · 15/04/2015 20:28

Yes to trying to do a school run and asking parents if they can come. If they were given to dc before holidays some could still be at bottom of PE kit bag

Ask and text who you can. That's an awful response to be honest....hopefully just some tardy responses. Hope he has a fab day.

DarylDixonsDarlin · 15/04/2015 20:29

Oh I cross posted with you, sorry.

Yes definitely people have been known to not respond, and turn up anyway. I was amazed to get 29 replies to the 30 invites we last sent out, must be a mumsnet record!

verbeier · 15/04/2015 20:52

I have one more sibling coming, hooray!! Am relieved to hear that more might come! Should I get food for 20 and 20 party bags then?? I wasn't planning on it, good thing I posted on here! We can always reuse the party bags, that's no issue really. Thanks for responses and well wishes!! :)

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PisforPeter · 15/04/2015 20:58

Best of luck, parties are a nightmare x

Graceymac · 15/04/2015 22:07

I really hope it goes well for you. I can't believe the poor response. In my house birthday parties are a major deal. My dds wouldn't let me forget about an invitation. Do try to go to pick up and ask parents directly. Do you collect outside the class or gates?

elQuintoConyo · 15/04/2015 22:14

My son's class has a whatsapp group - would that not work? Super easy to get replies, and when we know who is going to little Jimmy's party, one if us will set up another group to discuss gifts (we usually pile in to buy one thing between us).

It has all worked really well so far.

verbeier · 15/04/2015 22:31

Again, thanks for the wishes. I always respond to invites, I would have thought it exceptionally rude to not advise whether we could come or not. I do come into school, and there are a few mothers I have chatted to who have not responded. I will ask them tomorrow. I don't know the rest. I try and be very smiley and chatty but get snubbed quite a bit. Whatsapp group is a great idea, I might suggest it. Also like the idea of one present, thanks will suggest!

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elQuintoConyo · 15/04/2015 23:18

I try to be approachable and smiley, but not in-your-face. I spoke to one mum yesterday for the first time and hit it off really well - I'd had the wrong impression about her

I find school-gate parents are like, y'know, normal people - some you'll like, some you won't and vice versa.

The whatsapp thing is great. If it ends up as 6 of us going to a party, for instance, we all chip in the usual 5 quid and bat around a few ideas about what to get for the accumulated 30. Sometimes one present, sometimes 2 or 3. It's lovely and stress free for all of us - what to buy, when to buy it, will I buy something s/he already has, will s/he get the same gift on the day, etc.

Of course, we can then use the class-group to chase lost property or compare swimming club pick up times etc etc.

Happy birthday to your DS

Passthecake30 · 16/04/2015 21:51

I had a similar thing for the class party I organised, so much that I've been put off for life due to all the chasing I had to do.
For food I would buy extra crisps/choc fingers/cheddars and only open if needed. Get a couple of cucumbers as they are cheap and then all you could potentially be throwing away is sarnies and sausage rolls if you do them maybe?

Perhaps do a lucky dip party bag thing. If less kids, 2-3 things each? If more. ..then 1-2?

Saz12 · 17/04/2015 23:18

A lucky dip party bag is a fab idea. Also a great way to add a "closing" game to the party.

Not RSVP-ing is v rude but does happen; I'd not get too hung-up on it as am sure isn't personal.

Hope DS has a great birthday and the party is fab.

Saz12 · 17/04/2015 23:20

Meant to add: try and arrange games that will take up a lot of space - egg and spoon race, three legged race, whatever, which will hopefully stop the room feeling to empty and instead make it nice and spacious! Also, check for echo-y-ness.

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