I'm seriously at the end of my tether will 3 & 7 year old. Where am I going wrong?!

[Jemster]

My ds is 7, dd is 3. I've just had the afternoon from hell with them & have left them with dh who's just got home as I had to get away.

I took a day off work today to be with them on easter hols. This morning was alright as we went out for a bit. We went to get some bits to make easter cards & ds wanted to make something. Got home & made lunch & straight after dd wanted to make cards so we got all that out & made a right old mess. Ds then demanded I help him make his craft but I said he would have to wait as dd needed my help with cards. Cue first strop of the afternoon from ds. I promised him I would help afterwards. Spent an hour making cards & then said to dd I'm going to help ds now. Massive meltdown from dd who said she wanted to 'help' but I explained it was too hard for her. She screamed I want to sit on your lap then, I said no. Ten minutes of screaming later my head was banging. Said to ds I'll help you when DH gets home.
Cleared up mess from dd activity & attempted to put online shop away. Dd clinging to me, demanding I read her a book - not happy when I said I need to put shopping away, further tantrum.
Made a cup of tea - dd askes for a drink. Gave her water, she demanded apple juice but I said no as had enough today. Huge meltdown screaming at me for apple juice! Ds meanwhile was raiding the tesco bags, still not unpacked, and scoffing biscuits etc even though just had lunch.
I refused to give in to dd's demands. She then asked for a cuddle, sat on my lap & refused to budge. Continuous whining about various things for another 5 mins. Told her I needed to finish the putting away. She got up went over to ds who was teasing her and hit him pretty hard. I picked her up & put her in her bedroom screaming just as dh walked through the door.
I grabbed my keys, and am now sitting in Sainsburys car park crying.
I just can't handle this. It is like this alot of the time & I just don't know what to do. I thought by doing a nice fun activity they would be happy but it seems not.
I feel so stressed out by their constant whineing & bickering. I feel like I have no control & some days the stress of it makes me feel rubbish & exhausted.
I actually am lookking forward to going to work tomorrow which sounds awful but I just don't think I'm cut out to be a mother. I just can't get any of it right.
Please can anyone help me as this is making me so unhappy & i do adore my children so I dont want to be miserable around them?

[nickynackynoo31]

Aw I know how you feel....my two who are 12 and 4 carry on from the minute they are both together. they scream at each other, fight, punch, hit...you'd think with the age gap they would be ok but no they drive me up the wall. I sometimes think it's an act for my attention as there both jealous of each other. if I'm helping older one with homework the younger one wants my attention and vice versa...if I'm playing/reading with little one then older one is carrying on... . people have told me to ignore them when their fighting as they know exactly how to wind me up but you can guarantee one will end up hurt. I think the more we stress out as parents the more the kids sense it and do it all the more. always here if you want a chat x

[Edenviolet]

Sounds like a very tough day and its good you have been able to get out for a bit. Some peace and quiet (even in a car park) and a good cry will probably actually help.

From your post it sounds like you disciplined your dcs properly for any tantrums/things they did and didn't give in to bad behaviour/demands so long term that will help loads as at some point they will realise behaving a certain way doesn't get them what they want and things will get better

Tomorrow is another day and will help!

[Jemster]

Thank you, it's a relief to hear someone who knows how I feel. None of my friends seem to get this much hassle so I don't like to ask them. I feel like it's just me that can't get it right or make them happy. I'm just crap at this parenting lark!

[sliceofsoup]

I do feel a bit sorry for your DS, not getting your help after waiting while you saw to DD though. And then DD got a cuddle!

I know how difficult it is to reason with a 3 year old, but you need to make sure DS doesn't lose out just because he is the eldest.

That said, we all have days like this. Yesterday my two (6 and 2) were hyper and wouldn't listen or do anything. Don't be hard on yourself and think there is something wrong with you as a mother. Children are relentless.

[moomoob]

We all have days like this your friends will too but probably don't admit to it! It's hard keeping them entertained doing chores and being referee anyone who says it's easy is a liar. Wipe your tears get yourself in sainsbury buy a bottle of wine and the biggest bar of chocolate you can find. Go home put a smile on your face get the kids bathed and In bed crack open the wine & chocolate and write it off as a bad day

[nickynackynoo31]

I'm sure your not crap at parenting..its just after a hard day with the kids I bet we all feel the same now and again...as a previous post said it's good you've been able to have bit of time to yourself and relax even if just for a while. I'm sure speaking to people in similar situations helps too even if it's just to have a rant then switch off. I will always listen to your rants sometimes it's nice just having someone to talk to xx chin up and have a bar of ð??« â?º x

[Jemster]

Thank you all. I did feel awful that ds missed out but how are you meant to make a monster pillow, which involves stitching, with a stubborn little 3 year old around refusing to get off your lap & screaming at you?! I did feel bad though for letting ds down so I've come back & have just spent half an hour doing it with him so he's happy. It needs concentration so there's no way we could do it with her around.
Wine sounds like a nice idea although still have the headache so might opt for a nice hot chocolate instead!

[nilbyname]

Oh god my 2 are driving me around the twist! (3,6) and I crave time with them!

The clocks changed- this has messed with us all and DS-6 is very tired. I have to have this in the back of my mind when he is losing the plot!

I would say, with kindness, you could have done a craft activity for both so you could have done it altogether?

Also, do you think perhaps that because you had this one day off you had unrealistic expectations?

Feel better, tomorrow is another day! Xx

[Jemster]

You're probably right it would have been easier to do one activity but they don't like the same things as there's a four & a half year age gap. DS didn't want to make easter cards so used his pocket money to buy the pillow kit.
I was off yesterday too & we had a lovely day out at a local attraction. It was a much better day so maybe that's the answer, to just not stay at home but I can't be out every afternoon with them especially when school's on ( I work half days usually so am with them every afternoon).

[championnibbler]

i don't think you're crap at parenting.
its not you, its them.
some kids just fight like cat and dog.
end of.
some are just wired that way and they fight and bicker.
all. the. effing. time.
every little thing is a competition and starts WWIII.
they're often thick as thieves as adults though, if that's any compensation.
i don't blame you for being frustrated.

[nickynackynoo31]

It's finding that happy medium with the kids...age gap means not same likes so it's all about finding something they can do and you helping both and them as children learning to wait and share mummy....we all have days like it as I say mine never stop and you can guarantee as soon as I leave the room they start and that's with a 8 1/2 year gap!!! x

[Hottypotty]

Oh gosh I know how you feel-mine are 6 and 3 and everything I tried to do with the 6 yo at the weekend got interrupted or spoiled by the 3 yo demanding attention or messing with what we were doing. I feel like I never get any quality time with the older one (younger one gets lots on my days off when older at school).
Sometimes dh and I will ' divide and conquer' but that only works if one is physically removed from the house otherwise they just squabble and wind each other up.
We got about half an hour the other day when they played nicely together which must be an all time record!

[Jemster]

Does anyone have any suggestions for things to do with both of them at home, that they'll both enjoy? I've tried baking and even that was challenging but will give it another go.

[nickynackynoo31]

It's a hard one as there is an age gap and different genders but what about something simple like drawing or painting. or maybe an egg hunt? potato printing may catch there imagination for a while and yes baking is always a good one. maybe you could collect boxes and let them have a go at box modeling?? x

[blondiep14]

I have a 7,5 and 2 1/2 year old so well understand the task of trying to find something they all like.

Mine are fairly impossible to please but if you have a selection of things to do that need the same tool, that can work (albeit briefly!). So pens, pencils and paper. Youngest scribbles happily, middle can make cards or pictures, eldest does drawing or colouring. All of them can have a go at all. Chuck in some stickers or prit sticks and (pre cut out) shapes and you may have 15 mins of peace. No promises mind!

[HaveYouTriedARewardChart]

Sounds like most days with my three and seven year olds. Have a baby too which adds to the strain. They were both at school / nursery till 3 today but by the time dp got back I had completely had enough and went to bed leaving him with all 3. Just so sick of the same arguments and tears and tantrums day after day, week after week.
So wish I could go to work on lots of occasions!
It's horrendous especially when you have something nice planned you think should be fun.
My two play together a lot but age gap is thee and a half not four and a half, plus both boys.
Find a craft activity where they can both do different things?
Or, my usual: put telly on

[Mummyinamask]

It's not you - or if it is, it's me too and a lot of other parents. My two were **ing horrible today, despite being taken to cinema for a 'treat' (not in their book, this is what they're entitled to, it seems). Then the squabbling and nastiness escalated until one pulled the other off the bunk bed ladder, landed in a heap, cue screaming and drama etc etc.
They're 7 and 9.
I despair. I really do.
How do you stop them squabbling and being so unpleasant to each other?! How? How?

[nickynackynoo31]

see its not you hun we all struggle day to day and we all admit defeat and that were fed up. maybe if we're all here to moan at and throw ideas of activities around we could do with our kids and at end of day be here to have a moan and a b#Ã?@h at then days may seem bit more bearable?? x

[Highlowdollypepper]

Reading this unable to understand what you were doing in the car park of Sainsbury's?! You needed to go in and buy wine gin or at the very least chocolate!