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Parenting

tell me it's not only me feeling like I'm loosing control

9 replies

moomoob · 25/03/2015 21:01

Ds3 is 4 weeks old and absolutely beautiful and a very easy baby he's very placid feeds well and only waking once in the night. I do not have any anxiety or issues where he is concerned, I am certain that im meeting all his needs and don't doubt my ability to be a good mum to him.
The rest of the family however is a completely different story, I can not stand to talk to or be near any of them. Ds1 & 2 are 5 and 8 so both at school in the day thank god. They don't listen to a word I say, every morning is a battle to get them up dressed fed and off to school then every night same battles to ear tea do homework put the ipad down get ready for bed etc etc etc, same shit day after day after day! Whatever I ask them to do even small things are answered with a No and they carry on doing whatever they want. I try asking nicely, I try offering a biscuit/ sweets as an incentive for doing as asked, shouting at them, taking ipad ps3 3ds away nothing at all will get them to do anything at all they just blatantly ignore me.
Which leads me on to dh, he is very much an anything for a quiet life person and will give said ipad ps3 3ds back as soon as they kick off completely undermining me. Since ds3 was born he's moved out the bedroom and sleeps on ds' bedroom floor. I really don't understand this as baby only gets up once in the night so it's not like he's kept awake all night. He does sod all with ds3 not changed a single nappy made up any bottles bathed him nothing at all. He sometimes picks him up for a cuddle but soon puts him down again. I went out with a friend last week & he got his mum to come down to look after baby so he didn't have to.
All this is making me resent the lot of them I get nothing but grief and aggro from each one of them I get no support whatsoever. It's a good job baby is so easy or I'd be screwed! I love it during the day when it's just me and baby. I could easily (and often do) just sit and cry when the rest are at home. Am I justified in feeling like this? Is it just a case of baby blues? Anyone else feel like they could walk out the door (taking baby with me ) & not come back?
Ps sorry for the long rant

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moomoob · 26/03/2015 09:10

Bumping for some support. .......

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MangosMangosMangos · 26/03/2015 10:02

Are the older DCs at school today? It sounds like you need some help with things, have you spoken to your health visitor and really had a good chat?

The other thing I have done in the past when I have been feeling really low after having a baby is to go an see the doctor (I would try and get an appointment as soon as you can because you have said that you have been sitting crying, it isn't always but it can be a sign on the baby blues/PND...). I would give the doctors a call and see if they can fit yo in today.

In the past I have had to give DH a list to what I need him to do. Hinting is no good

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MangosMangosMangos · 26/03/2015 10:10

...also, with 3 fairly small DC's you need really to have/do the following if you can:

Online food shops, no point in dragging the DCs round the supermarket

Dishwasher

Tumble dryer

Stop ironing until the DCs are much bigger and you have the time again, DH can do his own if he needs shirts

Enough school uniform to last a week, that way if it all goes wrong and you can't get the washing machine on until the weekend it doesn't matter. Fill your DCs wardrobes up on a Sunday with uniform for the week and expect them to be down and dressed before they get breakfast

Keep school morning breakfasts to a limit of 3 choices

Do 6 praises to 1 'telling off/reprimand/correction' (what ever you want to call it)

Be easy on your self and do not expect perfection



Also, what stuff do you enjoy doing as a family or with your DCs? I would try and do some things that get you enjoying them again.

Easter holidays start today or tomorrow so you can hang loose for the week and rest up.

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sourpotato · 26/03/2015 10:23

Have you spoken to your DH about how you're feeling? Does he know you frequently sit and cry?! I'm not surprised you're finding things difficult if you feel consistently undermined by him - you're supposed to be a team, and the giving back of ipads etc. must be very frustrating. What would happen if, next time he starts undoing your discipline, you came in and said, "Actually, I've said no ipads due to X misbehaving in Y way" (or whatever) and took them back? I want to suggest a temporary blanket-ban on screen-based activities, but that's hardly going to work if your DH comes in and gives them all back...

And re. him not helping out with the baby, next time you feel near the end of your tether, could you maybe just tell him you're off to have a quiet 20 mins upstairs because you need a break - "Oh, and ds needs his nappy changing" - and plonk baby in his arms?

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moomoob · 26/03/2015 10:47

I get Dcs uniforms ready the night before including underwear so all they have to do is put them on why do they make this so hard??? Ds2 is the worst out the 2 ds1 will sometimes just get on with it I always praise this or reward him for being good. Ds2 will refuse to do anything fights me at every step I've got so wound up by this I've cried in front of him because I can't take anymore this does not phase him one bit in fact I think he gets some satisfaction by seeing me crumble.
The housework isn't an issue I get to do most during the day when baby is asleep, it's far from a show home but the basics are kept on top of.
I've sat and cried in front of all of them ( I'm not blubbing just silent tears down my face) dh just ignores it - not that im doing it for his attention it's just I can't take anymore. He's never been very supportive with anything I'm left to deal with any issues myself. For example my mum had cancer a few years ago I moved into my Mum's to help look after her for a couple of weeks dh never came round or called once to see how she was or how I was coping. During my pregnancy I was back n forth to hospital for monitoring & extra scans on the odd occasion I was made to feel like I was waiting his time and he'd rather be anywhere else than with me, this was the same during the labour he clock watched thru it all letting me know how bored and inconvenienced he was . Writing this down makes me wonder why the hell I'm still with him he's a selfish self centred idiot.
Hv Is coming round today I'll speak to her about how I'm feeling.

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sourpotato · 26/03/2015 11:15

I'm not surprised your ds2 isn't bothered about you crying, considering the example set by his own father. It sounds like your husband is behind a lot of your problems. Would he listen if you tried to talk to him about it?

Hope the HV has some useful words of advice.

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moomoob · 26/03/2015 13:44

Hv was great she suggested ways to help with ds2 . She's coming back out to see me in 4 weeks. She asked me to answer a "mood questionaire" I scored 14 points I don't know if that's good or bad.

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Fattyfattyyumyum · 26/03/2015 15:22

Sounds like your DH is a prize knob.

As for your older boys, have they always been difficult or is this likely a reaction to the new baby? does DH parent them actively or is that left to you too?

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moomoob · 26/03/2015 15:37

He is definitely a prize knob! He does tell them off especially for not doing anything I've asked them too but this is generally at the end of the day when the battles have commenced earlier on in the day so often not really very effective as they've (especially ds2) forgotten all about it by then. 1 thing I will credit dh with Is he's an incredibly hard worker he is out before 7am every day and has worked 7 days a week when we've needed the extra money for holidays birthdays etc.
Ds2 has always been lazy he will let you do anything for him if it meant he didn't have to do it himself. I'm hoping it's just a reaction to the new baby and him not being the youngest anymore but I'm not sure how long I can last why he outgrows this phase. I've sent them to grandparents after school so I'll only see them now at bedtime that's as much as I can handle today.

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