What do you actually do with a 5 yo & 1 yo at home? HELP!

[MumWithCamera]

When we are going to the shops, soft play, playground etc, I feel like I know what to do as a parent. But on the times that we are at home, I am completely lost

for example, this morning, me and DC (18mo and 5yo) are home alone for 2 - 3 hours, after which time I feel I am losing my mind. I do struggle with anxiety and depression Btw.

When it was just DC1 it was easier as we could do crafts or watch something or play game maybe. But now I can't find anything to do that keeps either of them occupied - either together or separately.

I put cbeebies on but that would only amuse DC1 for maybe 1 or 2 programs, and invariably she's jumping off the sofa at the same time and DC2 doesn't watch for more than 1 or 2 minutes.

DC1 would spend a long time on the ipad happily but then I have to put her in another room otherwise DC2 is causing mayhem snatching ipad. Plus I feel like bad mum putting her on ipad and still struggle to entertain DC2.

DC1 loves crafts etc but always wants input from me which I can't give her as dc2 needs attention. Tried painting with dc1 & dc2. It lasted 3 minutes before dc2 wanted to get down and then 15 cleaning up!

I guess DC2 is more the issue.. We have loads of toys and I even do you rotation every week to keep it new and interestf (supposedly!!) but he doesn't play by himself hardly at all.

Instead he (a) tries to injure himself in any way possible, (b) destroy stuff or mess up stuff like emptying my wallet (c) whine and pull at my leg whenever I'm not interacting with him (eg. doing dc1 hair).

I feel like I'm losing my mind. Am I just a terrible mum, or selfish or stupid

[MumWithCamera]

Sorry for typos.. Toy rotation, not you rotation!

[findingherfeet]

Sounds like my house, although they're 3 and 1...3 year old loves her toys/arty things and will watch telly or a film so is easy to entertain but the 1 year old constantly gets in her way! Taking things/being too noisy/wanting to get involved in everything!

He flits from one thing to another but mostly likes to be carried around.

There isn't anything I feel we play well with all together except building blocks, that's works ok.

I go out. A lot!!

[ancientbuchanan]

Sounds like my godchildren whom I'm looking after a lot at the moment. 5, 4, and 17m. 17m is into everything unsafe you can imagine.

So far, colouring for the older two. Stories.

Nursery rhymes and sing alongs for everyone. And ring games. And the sorts of toddler activity on your knee.

Orchestra (deafening) with wooden spoons and pans for everyone.

Home made play dough. On a plastic sheet. Accepting it will go all over 17m.

Large leg bricks for everyone to put together and 17m to destroy.

Period in pen/ chair for 17 m to give everyone a pause.

Take everyone out and then when home 17m has s nap. And others play sleeping lions.

[ancientbuchanan]

No, you are not terrible or selfish or stupid. It's what 17 m do.

I recall however being put down in my cot for a post lunch rest. I was not allowed out of my room. I had things to occupy me and I could make a noise if I wanted, but my DM needed a rest and DSis needed some DM time.

Can dc2 climb out of bed?

Children need sleep, is what DM used to say!

[OrangeMochaFrappucino]

11mo and 4yo here. They both like Imaginext - it's big and chunky enough for the baby to play safely and the 4yo can make up games with it.

Brio type train track sort of works but the baby often destroys it.

Car mat and cars is good for both of them.

Sometimes I fill up a shallow basket with a variety of things of different textures and the baby takes them all out and puts them back in whilst the 4yo plays with other toys.

Best thing is to get out all the Tupperware boxes, pans, wooden spoons etc and let them bash away to their heart's content.

Now the weather is getting nice they're both happy to go in the garden and push toy wheelbarrows or cars around.

It's really difficult though, baby isn't crawling or walking and wants to hold hands and be walked around all the time which leaves me no hands free for anything else. He's very noisy and demanding! We're best off getting out as much as possible but sometimes the sheer effort of getting us all out in the first place defeats me!

[OrangeMochaFrappucino]

Oh and I frequently give the baby my wallet to pull everything out of, lose my cards, eat my receipts etc just because it keeps him quiet for a few minutes!

[chocolatecrispies]

Water play - in the bath for older one, in a bowl for younger? Or both in bath. Duplo, lots and lots and lots of it. Drawing for older one, eating paper for younger. And I would get another iPad.

[RoganJosh]

I start with the smaller one, so playdoh, duplo etc and then the older can join in with us or wander off if they prefer. Or stick smaller in front of tv while I get the older started on something that just needs me to dip in and out of.
Or if you're really struggling, a walk round the block usually helps.

[OrangeMochaFrappucino]

Oh, also baking - baby sits in high chair with plastic mixing bowl and spoon whilst older child actually helps. Everyone eats the results?

[MumWithCamera]

Some good ideas thanks especially Imaginex stuff, I can see DC2 being into that and hopefully DC1 join in rather than interfere. I'll also try some non-toy ideas (tupperware/wallet to empty) for the youngster.

I can only do nursery rhymes for 20 minutes I think! And although I don't mind messy play, from experience DC2 is a bit young/a disaster zone for such stuff and wouldn't give me time to clear up after.

I can't really put DC2 in playpen/cot for long unless it's naptime as he's high energy and I can't stand much screaming/whining (not good for my anxiety)

Will try some drawing/homemade playdoh too...thanks for ideas - keep them coming PLEASE !!

[MumWithCamera]

But interestingly, reading between the lines, maybe I'm being unrealistic thinking a few hours should be straightforward for a 5 & 1 yo? If so, perhaps that's why I feel extra anxious/depressed every weekend. Am I making life too difficult for myself?!

Perhaps getting out the house is the real answer? [hopeful]

Will experiment with getting out the house asap - will have to find places to go at 7am every saturday.. Supermarket park

I need to ask the childminder how she does it. I still feel useless as a mum .

[Queenofknickers]

I used to be at the park at 7 am when mine were at that stage. I had depression and anxiety too. What helped me was breaking e day into chunks and getting through one at a time. So 7-9 then a snack/nap (ha!) and then 9-11 and then morning coffee etc etc. oh and having some time away from them - a whole day can be a long day - between 6pm and 7pm DH was in charge and I was in a dark room!

[BinToHellAndBack]

I feel like this often too, it's perfectly normal so don't be down on yourself. I dread the long stretches of just me to look after them and the pressure of having sole responsibility of thinking up things to break up the day. The more tired I am the harder it is to find inspiration, and the more the days descend into a sort of bored chaos.

Things that help include not having baths every day but saving them as an 'activity' and choosing toys etc to go in beforehand. I saw someone on FB did colour themed baths with a bit of food colouring in, and various things of the same colour going in to play with.

Sometimes we just happen across something that keeps one/both engaged for a surprising amount of time (mostly we don't!). Today it was barricading off a corner of the room and filling it with balloons as a sort of ball pool. It kept a 1yo and a nearly 3yo entertained for a surprising amount of time!

Oh, and toy swaps with other families. That way you can have something fresh to play with without having to pay for it or come up with longterm storage!

[NiceCupOfTeaAndASitDown]

You're not useless, it's bloody hard. I hate weekends too. but getting out of the house is definitely key to minimising stress. I break the day into chunks with my DC (4, 2, 3 months) We get up and out of the house after breakfast every day even if it's just to the shops to buy bread. come back for lunch and quiet time then an activity in the afternoon which might just be a bath or watching a film (I make them earn screen time ) or some baking or play dough or something. The trouble is at home I always have the tendency to try and get on with chores and I find if I don't tell them we're going to do an activity they can occupy themselves for a short time but then pretty much just fight and wreck the place! I also have anxiety and sometimes feel like a rubbish parent but I remind myself that we take them out a lot and they will both have a wealth of experience of 'activities ' at groups and nursery and it's not my job to provide entertainment all day long. I've been at childminders houses on playdates and they often just stick the kids in front of the TV! as long as your children are loved and you're making an effort to pay attention to them and be empathetic and enthusiastic where applicable I think you're doing a great job

[redtop1]

At the moment my eldest loves pulling the cushions off the sofas to build a den / climb / jump / pretend to ride a horse, whilst the one year old uses any discarded cushions to crawl over and roll off on the floor/ roll balls down etc. It keeps them entertained for ages and is a bit different everyday depending on what cushions they use, what toys become involved with it all. The eldest could have a bed sheet as a roof, host a dolls tea party etc good for rainy days too.

[MumWithCamera]

Thanks
Especially Queen and nicecupoftea - glad to know I'm not alone!

Any more suggestions welcome though, all v useful to see people's ideas/what they come up with!

[RoganJosh]

More ideas:

Play with bubbles at the sink (put fairy and water in the sink and let the plug out)
Play with rice or different dried beans. Just add bowls, spoons etc. hide small toys in them.
Basic crafts, decorating egg shaped paper or butterflies with circles you've cut out, not too messy.
A bath for fun

[ancientbuchanan]

Don't know how much space you have but the best " toy" I ever saw was at a sure start centre. It was the cardboard box a fridge came in.

It had been decorated. ( hours of happy fun with stickers and finger painting). You could go in and out of it. It had a few air holes in it. You could have it upright or on its side. It had a door you could sort of close. You could tell stories in it, use it as z rocket a tent or a castle. It did all of those things, was not specifically decorated . You could out smaller cardboard boxes in it inside each other. It was used by everyone from 18m or younger to 4.

DM used to make blanket or sheet tents, either over the washing line if the weather was good, or the back of two chairs. Hours of crawling in and out with toys.

Hth

[januarysnowdrop]

Dens are definitely good with mixed ages, as long as the little one can't totally destroy it instantly. I have an excellent laundry clothes horse which I bought primarily for the purpose of den-building. Give them a snack to take inside - they always love that.

Do you have a garden? My three (7, 6 and 2) had a lovely game earlier on today which started with me hiding a few of their cuddly toys around the place and them trying to find them, but then they took over and started taking turns to hide them themselves. The 2 year old 'hid' her toys in blindingly obvious places and then marched round shouting 'where are you, teddies?'

Play dough can be good with mixed ages as the older one can show the smaller one what to do. My younger two like making their own cake shops and then demanding that the rest of us coming shopping there.

Childminding is easier than parenting, to be honest (I do it myself, part time) because the children you're looking after don't spend every waking minute with one another so (if you're lucky, which I am), they tend to be pleased to see one another and want to play together. And the days are so regimented by school/nursery pick-ups that that chops things up nicely. So please don't compare yourself with your cm and feel bad!

Getting out of the house is always good. As is splitting them up sometimes, if that's an option. What I tend to find is that if I think to myself 'how lovely, we have a day with nothing planned so they can all decide what they want to do' it ends up being completely grim and ghastly and they all spend the day fighting with one another; whereas when we have lots of activities planned then they start lovely cooperative games and get really cross about being dragged away from them. Hey ho.