Someone explain co - sleeping? ??

[lexyloub]

For me co - sleeping especially with a newborn / young baby is a big fat no no but seen as so many people do it maybe I've got the wrong idea about what co sleeping actually is.
My perception of co sleeping is basically when baby sleep in Mum's bed rather than moses basket or cot. I assume this is mainly for breastfed babies (Again I could be wrong ) so they can latch on to Mum at any point during the night to feed.
My point is why would anyone do this surely the risk of suffocation, either by slipping down under the duvet or even by getting suffocated by Mum accidentally, is so huge you wouldn't contemplate putting your child in that situation. Why can't baby be put back into cot where it's much safer after a feed?? I won't even go into then trying to get your child to sleep in a bed/cot when it's older that's a whole other thread in itself.
Someone please tell me I'm wrong in my perception and that it means something completely different where there is no risk to baby

[Iamatotalandutteridiot]

I have co slept with my dd since birth. When she was newborn, she was in a Moses basket beside me, then in an open sided cot. Now, she has a double bed, I sleep in her bed. (She's 5)

She likes being close to me and I'm quite happy to indulge her.

I didn't breast feed, so had nothing to do with that, just she likes the proximity. Even when she was tiny, we would often hold hands and she often reaches for me during the night.

She has sleepovers (both here and elsewhere) and never misses me, so I think, while she wants the cuddles.. Also well and good.

I never thought of co sleeping as being in constant contact, especially for babies but I might be wrong.

[CaptainAnkles]

To me, it has always seemed like a recipe for never getting any decent sleep for worrying about squashing them, and for making problems for later on when you want to get them into their own bedroom and they won't sleep because they're too used to having company. The few time I've let my DC sleep in with me, I got no sleep at all because I was constantly checking that they didn't have blankets over their heads, weren't about to fall out etc etc
That said, it seems to work brilliantly for a lot of people, so each to their own.

[PomeralLights]

Co-sleeping is sleeping in mums bed with mum, yes. Mums just don't roll over onto babies - the babies smell, noises etc tell the mums body baby is there and so she remains subconsciously 'aware' of the baby even while asleep. This is why you shouldn't co-sleep if taking medication, have been drinking etc because drugs/alcohol makes your brain too sleepy to process the baby info properly.
You are not supposed to have the duvet anywhere near the baby - they certainly shouldn't be under it and should have their own blankets.
I'm not a professional btw just my understanding of things. And yes I have co-slept and no I don't think it was risky at all. Why so judgemental?

[GettingFiggyWithIt]

Coslept with all my three, the third of whom is with me now having just had a feed.
You are not wrong in that for me, yes, cosleeping is with me in bed.
But you are wrong about risks being huge.
Unless alcohol, drugs, exhaustion, obesity, both knackered obese parents, gaps in mattress are present then the risks are not as high as you make out. With newborns I also did mattress on the floor.
In some cultures btw this is a norm.
Penelope Leach three in a bed is useful reading if you really want to inform yourself.
I know where my baby is in the bed, I move around him/her and yes cosleeping, latching, dream feeding meant I was not as sleep deprived as I would have been otherwise. Works for me, same as cots and gina ford works for others

[PomeralLights]

Oh and 'why can't baby be put back into cot' hollow laughter
If you have a good sleeper, lucky you. Mine went in the cot from 11-12:30 tonight. Woke up for a feed and cuddle, put her back in cot at 1:30. Wouldn't settle. Started crying at 2. DH picked her up and walked her round, puts back in cot (asleep) at 2:45. Awake again at 3. I gave her a comfort feed and she's now asleep on me, am going to attempt cot in a mo.
Most nights if I've had crap sleep I give up around 5 and we co sleep til 9:30 - she stays asleep the whole time.
Dd is 11 weeks and am currently more concerned with getting through each day/night as it comes than 'storing up trouble' for some uncertain future date

[rootypig]

You have a baby.

Your baby refuses to sleep anywhere but next to you.

You consider neither of you ever sleeping again.

And realise that Nope! this is not an option.

HTH

[HaveTeaWillSurvive]

Do you have any children OP? You sound exactly like I did before I had DS

We ended up co sleeping as literally would not sleep anywhere else and after three weeks of persevering and no sleep for me I nearly dropped him a few times as I was unable to stay awake during the night feeds.

I was never 100% happy about it as I'm normally a by the book sort of person but the real risk of dropping him made it the only option and it was a revelation. I felt like a different person after 48 hours and happy for the first time for giving birth.

There is a lot of guidance out there on how to do it properly so we moved into the spare room onto the firm mattress, no duvet - thermal Jammie's and cardigan for me with blanket round my legs and I always scooched down when he went to sleep so my face was level with his so no way I was rolling on him. It was lovely in the end waking up with his little face smiling at you.

On the other point by about 12 weeks he was calmer about being away from me and I just started popping him in the crib instead, no issues at all and he's been a great sleeper ever since. I'll do it again with no.2 if I have to but will be taking the same approach.

[Primaryteach87]

I sometimes co-sleep with my baby. It's actually statistically no more dangerous than putting your under 6 months baby in their cot in the next door bedroom, which it seems more people find acceptable.

We have a king size bed and a double duvet. He has his own cellular blanket (not near his head!) & no pillows near him.

The reason is purely sleep quality. He sleeps considerably better in with us than in his crib. Obviously we therefore sleep better.

[PomeralLights]

Me again! dd being in her cot lasted 20mins even though she was fast asleep on me before going in. Just picked her up and she fell straight back to sleep on me. I can't co sleep all night because I have bad hips and staying still whilst asleep gives me pain (I wake up rather than fidget in my sleep when cosleeping), hence the ridiculous perservering with the cot.
Will likely give up soon and trade some pain for a couple of hours sleep

[ThumbWitchesAbroad]

Co-slept with both mine since birth.

DH moved into the spare bed - I didn't consider there was enough room for both of us and a baby in a double bed. I had bed bumpers on both sides of the bed for DS1, and the bed was against the wall on one side for DS2, so only needed the bumpers on one side for him - this stopped them falling out of bed.

• Re. suffocation - duvet is nowhere near the baby, so no risk. I slept under sheet and blanket anyway (not a suffocation risk) and only had the duvet to waist height, nowhere near the baby. Neither of my babies were able to wriggle around that much when they were very young.
• Re. rolling onto the baby - I slept on my side with my arm outstretched above the baby's head - it's a physical impossibility to roll over onto the baby in that position without serious shoulder dislocation. I'm not a restless sleeper either, so pretty much wake up in the position I go to sleep in.

After 6m, I put DS1 into his own cot. This worked sometimes, sometimes it didn't - but if I needed to feed him in the night, I discovered it was far more dangerous to be nodding off over him while bf'ing sitting up, than it was to bring him back into the bed with me. I ran the risk of collapsing onto him or dropping him on the floor - far safer to go back to bed.

There is a lot of nonsense written about co-sleeping, not least the addition of co-sleeping deaths to known causes being added in to the SIDS stats (which they shouldn't be) - drunk parents rolling onto their babies and squashing them, babies falling out of bed, babies being found at the foot of the bed under the duvets - this is not SIDS. This is tragic death due to known causes.

HTH.

[Annabannbobanna]

I didn't ever put my baby back in the cot after a night feed because I was fast asleep. Bliss.

[Florin]

We co slept as our son would not be put down for the first 3 months. We never planned to but after a few days of zero sleep you do whatever works. At 3 months he went into his big cot in his own room and slept through from 6pm-7am. When he was a bit under 2 (he is now 2.9) he could climb out of his cot so went into a bed. He goes to sleep in his bed but normally comes into us around 3 although occasionally earlier and climbs in to bed where he has to sleep in the middle, he often manages this without waking either of us. We then all wake up together sometime after 7. We probably could stop it but to be honest we can only have one child so it is not really an issue. We quite like the snuggles and he will eventually grow out of it when we will probably miss it.
It makes me laugh when people before children say they would never do this or that as when you have a child you bumble along and work out what work best for you and your child. If I could have a second child we would probably do some things differently. Not because we have done things wrong but because every child is different so all need a slightly different approach.
Since becoming a parent I have learnt to be a lot less judgmental.

[Mrscog]

Safe co sleeping means no duvet anywhere near a baby and no pillows. No co sleeping if you're FF and as a nursing mother you're ver in tune with your baby and you can tell where they are as you sleep. I find it hard to believe that all other mammals are designed to sleep with their babies but not us. My parents sheep farm and no one freaks out about the baby lambs sleeping under their Mum's wooly coat and neither are there any accidents of a cosleeping nature!

[claraschu]

We co-slept with our three from birth. We travelled a lot with them, and they could sleep anywhere, and were hardly affected by jet lag and irregular schedules, as long as they had me. Whenever I heard other parents complain about lengthy bedtime routines and waking for hours in the night, it sounded awful and unnecessary. Ours did wake up in the night, but they would suck a little and fall back to sleep.

Humans are the only mammals who don't always co-sleep. It felt right and natural to co-seep.

I have a good friend who always slept with her daughter. Tragically her daughter died of SIDS at 5 months on the first night that she slept in her own room away from mum. I know that an anecdote is not data, but this happened when I was pregnant with my first child and it affected me. The evidence against healthy sober parents sleeping with their babies is far from clear.

[Katekoom]

I was totally against Co sleeping until having dd. I'd had no sleep for days due to cluster feeding, called the MW at some ungodly hour, she asked if i or my partner was overweight, smoked or drank to which i answered no and she then told me to Co sleep. It just about saved my sanity to have a couple of hours shut eye.

I now only do it when madam won't settle at all and ive tried to put her down endless times. For example if she's a bit under the weather.

I don't plan on making a habit of it but can totally appreciate why some do. I know someone who Co slept until her daughter went to high school..... That's a bit much though to be honest!!

Youd think itd be unsafe but some strange instinct keeps you from rolling on / smothering your little bed guest. Dads don't have this same instinct so babies on the outside at all times.

Stone studies suggest that Co sleeping can actually help prevent sids as baby regulates breathing and body temperature with mother. In some cultures (Asia pops into my head but i may be wrong) they only Co sleep and the instances of sids are dramatically lower.

[wherethewildthingis]

"Mums don't roll on their babies" is untrue and actually dangerous advice. Take it from me, mums do roll on their babies, with tragic consequences. If you want to co-sleep with a new born go ahead, but don't tell yourself and others that it is risk free.

[ThumbWitchesAbroad]

Clara - how utterly devastating for your poor friend! I can't imagine how she must have felt - or more to the point, I can, only not the extent of it. :(

[NerrSnerr]

I came on to say that mums do roll on babies. I knew it happen to a newborn who tragically died. No medication or alcohol, just an exhausted mother.

[Honeypot1]

It's the most beautiful experience ever. I felt sad for mums who would wake for night feeds. Mum simply doesn't roll over (caveat on alcohol, smoking & obesity), baby just snuggles in and sleeps sooooo soundly. They are some of my happiest early memories. Particularly at the weekend when we weren't rushing about and DDs could see me and dad first thing. Really beautiful moments as her eyes opened bd there we were and the smile grows and grows! Makes me well up thinking about it!!!

As for the risks of rolling over & suffocation: there is plenty of international research showing the correlation between the West's move away from co-sleeping and rises in SIDS

Think about it like this, where did prehistoric cave babies sleep? Where do thousands of babies in Africa & the east sleep? And then, where is SIDS highest?

My parents went ape when I explained we were doing it & I gave them my book (three in a bad) which really leaves no doubt that West's move away from doing it might have been a bit daft.

And don't worry about it lasting forever. It stops when baby wants their own bed (about 1yo for DD1 and 10mo for DD2 - I was gutted!)

And no, DH & I didn't miss each other. Not all intimacy has to be in bed at night time. Learnt that in my teens!

[purpleapple1234]

I live in sweden and it is recommended by the midwives here to cosleep from birth. I have always coslept with DD and still sleep with her from time to time. It is a such a close amd beautiful experience to go sleep cuddling her and seeing her wake up so happy because she's with mummy and daddy.

It's all about risk. There is a tiny risk, yes. But I believe the comfort that it gives a child far outweighs that tiny tiny risk. Also I genuinely think that the risk of your child being hurt or killed in a car crash every time you drive is far higher. why don't people just walk with children instead? sacastic

[RoonersisNOTRoonerspism]

You sleep differently when you co sleep. You don't get so deep into sleep for some reason, I think (may be wrong) so when you are woken it is not such a shock to your system.

Also you don't have to leave the bed if you breastfeed - you just sit up a bit or once you're used to it, you turn sideways and feed lying down.

I haven't got any experience of co sleeping with a baby and a bloke, as I always shared my double bed with each baby alone, which made it very easy not to suffocate them. Plenty of space.

There was massive pressure from HVs and so on not to co sleep - they literally told me it wasn't allowed - that was awful to feel I was doing something against their advice. But I ignored it having read about sleep apnoea in small babies, which ds3 had - and the way that having an adult next to them helps them regulate their own breathing.

Ds3 would literally stop breathing for maybe 15-20 seconds in the night and surprisingly, I would notice the silence and wake myself, and had to blow on his face for him to start again. This happened a few times, the GP said it was therefore too risky to co sleep, but I knew from my research that it was far too risky NOT to. He needed me to be there to blow on him, or goodness knows, he may not have started again.

He still sleeps with me now at 2y2m, I co slept with the older two till they went to school and/or the next baby arrived and they got fed up with the wriggling and stomped off to their own bed

I would never do anything else and our cot-bed has had very little use! But will be good as a transitional thing perhaps. The older ones always want to use it when they are too big for my bed

[ChampagneAndCrisps]

Your OP sounds like you're looking for an argument, rather than genuine interest.
For what it's worth, we co slept with all of ours. It felt more natural and I got more sleep. We were careful not to have the duvet near them etc. we clung to the edges of the kingsize bed, whilst they lorded it in all the space in the middle.
The youngest is 9 now. I miss those days.
All went into their own beds with no problem.
It has been shown that co sleeping helps regulate babies breathing.

[karigan]

I very much like my own space and wasnt planning on cosleeping. Then my daughter slept terriblt and wouldn't settle on her own. She has a crib with one side taken off that she starts the night in and will usually end up just at the edge (where thr crob joins the bed- no gap so sue can roll across) of our bed as the night goes oN. Ive started wearing a long sleeved top to bed and so i have the blankets around my middle because my top half is already warm. She has her own blankets. She sleeps so much better in phr bed at 5 months old- in 4/5 hour chunks which means everyone sleeps well.

In retrospect it is worth giving up some of my.personal space in trade.for a good night's sleep.

[MarrogfromMars]

Long sleeved top, duvet pushed right down, underneath arm stretched out above baby's head, not moving in my sleep - safe but hardly comfortable! I'd forgotten about the bliss of getting him back in his crib when I managed it and being able to roll over or lie on my front!

[Feckeggblue]

Apparently 90% of couples will bring their baby into their bed. Whether or not people consider that co-sleeping is something else but I think the point is the less planned it is the less safe it is. Most sleeping related deaths are on the sofa rather than on the bed.