just need a break.

[Cheeriosfortotoro]

I have two DDS, one is 2 and 1/2 and then a 10 week old. I feel my life is just relentless and I need a break before I actually break. Dd1 is a lovely girl but going through the no stage, all normal. I just feel I'm doing her a disservice as I'm exhausted from the unput downable baby that is dd2. She ends up watching TV a lot.
Dd2 is bf and after a rocky start its still going. But last night she was fussing at the boob after hours of cluster feeding. so I, lacking confidence in my milk and being totally knackered decided to try a bottle to give myself a break. This is the second time and she refused it. Stuck her on the boob and she promptly fell asleep. I just need a break the only time I get time to myself is in the shower.
Don't know what I'm trying to archive by posting this. Its probably garbled from lack of sleep. Is it normal for a baby to cluster feed every night from two weeks? Am I selfish to want some of my evenings back? Just feel low. I spend most of my day trying to get to the park with dd1 with dd2 in the sling. Am I a crap selfish mum? My dh is very patient but probably wants his wife back and I want me back too. Seem to have lost myself. Again.

[ragged]

Not selfish do you get to toddler groups, is older one at nursery or could he go into creche?

[Cheeriosfortotoro]

Toddler group and a music group. Dd1 goes to nursery one day a week as all we can afford. My DM and mil looked after her one day a week each so I could work. But now I'm on ml don't do that which is fair cos I'm off and should be able to look after them myself. Just finding it hard at the most and feeling sorry for myself. Thank you for reply :)

[Cheeriosfortotoro]

Most= moment

[ragged]

Do you get out on your own at all? Just going for an hour walk with no baby can be so liberating, or to the shops with only one not both. Could your partner or mom help with one of those?

[Cheeriosfortotoro]

Iv expressed some milk so dh can give her that and I'm going to have a bath, its a good start! Thank you for advice :)

[LosingNemo]

It is so hard isn't it. I have similar age gap with mine (DD is 14 weeks) and I know exactly what you mean. DS watches lots of telly at the moment and he's become very tough at mealtimes. Could you split the nursery day into two sessions so that there are two days that you just have one for a few hours. I know what you mean about feeling like you 'should' be able to do this alone, but it doesn't mean that you have to. Could you ask DM and MIL to visit (or for you to visit them) on the days that they used to do childcare? Just for the extra pair of hands and adult company. I find have something to do means that the day goes quicker. Good luck. X

[Cheeriosfortotoro]

I do go to their houses but I don't like to ask too much iyswim. Dh is off Monday so got one day help. Just need to organise my days better, just a bit hard when you're tired. I know I'll get there just need to give it time and dd2 will get herself in a routine fingers crossed.

[Elllimam]

I have a similar gap, my DS2 was born when DS1 was 18 months. It does get easier. Try to get out as much as you can and try to get into a routine.

[findingherfeet]

I've got a similar gap between mine but baby is now 1...it's true it gets easier but I sympathise as it's hard going, the relentless demands are exhausting! (And going to the park suddenly becomes hard work with 2!) don't be too hard on yourself, your baby is tiny...your DH will have to be patient ;-)