Ok, tell me your house rules, discipline techniques etc etc

[nutcracker]

My kids are running me ragged at the moment, they are most definatly taking advantage of the fact that I am not quite up to sorting them out right now, and are playing on that.

At this very moment the 2 dd's 8&6 are screaming at each other at the tops of theior voices. They are supposed to be upstairs tidying up the mess they have just made.
Ds age 3 is on the ps2 again. I do limit his time on it especially as he doesn't really have a clue what he is doing, but if it's not that then he wants tv on and it just goes on and on and on.

I have tried involving all 3 in games and activities and after 5 minutes they get bored and wander off.

Feel like I am fighting a losing battle.

[MarsLady]

Remember my mantra nutty.... It's a dictatorship not a democracy.

If you promise something (good or bad) then follow through.

The key is consistency.... firm but fair.

Eg... DD1 you need to do your homework before you play computer games/MSN etc. 2 warnings. 1st warning.... DD1 if you continue I'll have to take away something you enjoy. 2nd warning.... if you continue I will ban you from using the compter for anything other than homework for 2 weeks. She continues after her 2 warnings (and she's blimming lucky I let her have 2 warnings)... she's now on a 2 week computer ban. If she flouts the ban then she'll have to do her homework by hand.

So.... you decide what it is that they are supposed to do. Give an incentive if you want to (personally I think the fact that they've been told to tidy their rooms is enough). If they don't, tell them calmly that failure to tidy up will result in...... [at this point you insert their currency... so if it's computer games, a ban on computer games for 2 days, if it's going out, grounding for a few days....]

Whatever you do... consistency is the key. It's especially important when you don't feel like it. That's why you have to be careful what you promise. Don't threaten to throw the computer in the bin if you aren't prepared to throw it in the bin.

As to the incessent tv and psp etc... you decide what the limit is. If they tell you that they are bored... well tough! Life's boring sometimes. Give them a nice horrid job to do... amazing how UNbored they will become.

[nutcracker]

See that is and always has been my problem. I threaten things and don't carry it through. For example, I just told them they could forget Disney Princesses on ice on saturday, knowing full well I didn't mean it, as I have paid for the tickets.

I always struggle on what I am going to take away etc as they don't do much as it is.

I do need to sort this out though other wise xmas will be hell.

[MarsLady]

Right............

Before you threaten anything take a breath and count to 10. Slowly!

Then think about what you are going to threaten. Be sure that you can carry it through and do it!


Start slowly. Think of ONE thing that you want the kids to do. Decide NOW before tackling it, what punishment fits, so that when they refuse etc you can calmly say.. if that isn't done then X.

Do that for a few days and then you can add a second thing! Okay?

[nutcracker]

Ok, I will do that, and I do definatly need to count to 10 so I can think first as I tend to shoot my mouth of the minute they annoy me

Think I might write down later, exactly what the main problem areas are at the mo, that way I can work out what to do instead of having it all floating round my head 24/7.

[MarsLady]

good plan!

Why aren't you coming to the meet up?

[Orlando]

You don't need to take things away. With my eldest dd fifteen minutes earlier bedtime for every unheeded warning works wonders- especially if it ends up with her going to bed earlier than her younger sisters!

My top tip is never lose your temper. It's something I've started really trying to get on top of-- so if I tell them to do something I say it calmly, then warn calmly if its not done etc. It used to be that I'd shout and threaten and they'd just tune out. Stay calm and follow through is my advice! (oh, and bear in mind that every mother on the planet has times when it feels like its all going tits up. It's caring about it that makes you a good mum imo.)

[rosie79]

Agree with marslady - consistancy is key.

I have few rules at the moment, ds is only 3, but these will change etc. with age. The main thing is that I am consistant with these rules, everything else depends on the situation and other circumstances. I cannot imagine what it is like with more than one child and am in awe of all parents of more than one (including my parents who had six!!!). If ds is not listening to me (so most of the time!) I warn him of the consequence of not listening, tell him again, and then follow through if he doesn't listen (but it's hard as it doesn't seem to have much effect appart from making him cry).

If I want him to do something I tell him rather than ask him, so "pick up that book" rather than "can you pick the book up?".

My house rules:
1.DS has to take his plate/bowl/cup back to the kitchen after eating.

1. He is not allowed to touch the cds.
2. All toys must be tidied up before bedtime (with my help of course, the main thing is that he takes part).

4.He has to ask before going on the computer.

1. If I tell him to do something he has to listen to me (this is the worst and hardest one to enforce and often leads to full blown screaming and crying and can take ages, so even harder when I am busy, not in the mood etc.!)

[northerner]

Nutty for the playstation get a cheap kitchen timer (I got one from the pound shop) set it for 30 mins whatever, when it rings ds has to come off. Works wonders for my ds.

[nutcracker]

Think the timer idea for the PS2 is a fab idea, thankyou.

I think Ds needs more routine on the days he isn't at nursery. We tend to come home from the school run and then just do not alot.

When xp left the first time, I changed the bedtime routine so that they all went to bed at different times, which meant they got half an hour before bed with me on their own, and they could choose what to do. When xp came back, I stopped doing it.
I think I will start it again when they go back to school as the girls loved it.

I need to stop shouting too, as the kids shout and it's obvious it's because I do.

Oh Mars, can't make the meet up because I am as broke as broke can be at the mo, too many kids birthdays coming up, need to sell 1 or 2 i think LOL.

[Sunnysideup]

sounds like you have idenitified some key things already Nutcracker;

I just wanted to say you are right, NEVER threaten stuff that you don't carry through; not doing what you say you will is simply giving the kids special training in how to lose respect for their mum

Do things with them and play with them as much as you possibly can; all kids want nice parental attention.

And NEVER NEVER stay in the house for a whole day; always get out to the park at least, so that some energy can be burnt off.

And another vote for giving the kids their one to one time with you; so important!

Good luck!

[colette]

Nutcracker - great thread I need these tips too and I only have 2. Some days it is impossible to get much done, and I know I should give in, also am guilty of shouting lately..
great tip about the timer
Good luck .

[Tortington]

routine is this
come home - change out of uniform and hang it up - they have done this since they were 6 ( except for friday)

homework - sit at table.

set chore - i have doner this many ways. when they were littler i sat them down and said - pick a chore! they did that chore for a couple of weeks after school then i rotated it around the three kids.

i have done a chore timetable - each kid doing something different - evening out the chores so i dont get " but the kitchen is harder than the front room"


its now at least 5 or 6 o'clock.

they watch telly or whatever - we maketea

eat tea - its 7pm. at the table

they take their own plate in and wash it.

with the plates i gave them each a different plate ( beuase i dont have sets i have odd bits) and therefore you know who has not washed their plate and there is no finger pointing.

[Tortington]

and most important bit - i have a sign which says " non electroinc activities only until 5pm.

have to be specific! gameboys etc do count! no telly.
they can read something if they want - if they miraculously havent got homework or do their chores in 2min flat.

[LadyHeatherMillsMcCartney]

1.) Dont get out of bed for less than ten grand
2.) Arrange for convoy of staff to deliver bedpan.
3.) Leave the room when BFing DD
4.) ...Apologies, leave the room when wet nurse is BFing DD.
5.) Spend two hours perfecting "woman scorned" look.

[Bugsy2]

I have a little mental list of threats that I am perfectly happy to carry through. My threats are usually small things like: you'll have to sit on your own in the hallway, you can't watch television for next half an hour, I'll take favourite toy away until tomorrow morning or if within one hour of bed time - go to bed early.
I always, always carry though - otherwise it is a waste of my breath. My children have no doubt whatsoever that I mean what I say.
It helps to have a bit of a plan for the day with some built in time for each child to do something nice with you. It doesn't have to be anything really special, could just be 10 mins reading together, drawing together, cooking etc etc but just one on one with them. Withdrawal of the special time can then also become a useful threat for really bad behaviour.
Lots of praise too for anything good. Amazing what an acknowledgement of something positive will do for getting them onside.
I fail miserably lots of the time - but I find if I stick to the above, it really helps.
Good luck Nutty.

[Lexielou]

lol at ladyheathermillsMcCartney....

[juuule]

My reply to OP.
If dds screaming and should be tidying mess then I would go up and start organising them. 'you put this away', you put that away' type of thing. Get them started properly and then ask them to finish it off without killing each other.
Ds I would leave on the ps2 or watching tv or let him go up and help the girls. When upstairs is done get out a craft activity or something they choose and let them do their own thing.
If you are not up to sorting them out and they know it, tell them you feel tired and could they just help out. Ask them what they would like to do.
Of course, there are always the times when the lid comes off and mum is screaming too. Doesn't happen often thankfully but then it's not very effective. Just makes everyone upset.

[nutcracker]

LOL Fio

Custy, I am sure you could have your own show, you know like Supernanny but better

Am making a note of all theses things and i'm going to draw up a list of chores today.

I think if i write it all down, and know exactly who should be doing what when, what they can't do and why, I will have a better chance of it sticking.

Ta for all the posts, it's nice to know I am not the only one struggling sometimes.