2yr old horrendous tantrums please help.

[ChoochiWoo]

2 year old is still in that 'I can say a few words but not speak properly' stage so in frustration hes screams the most blood curdling scream, its horrendous my and dh get so angry about it, as its relentless and sometimes I could just walk out when ive had a particularly bad day, he also had horrendous paddies flinging himself if ive picked him up to remove him, biting,nipping throwing himself at the slightest thing, throwing things...when hes becoming too aggressive I have to put him in 'lock down' to sit him on my knee one hand across his arms and one across his head and count to 10 so he cant hurt himself or me any more, I shouldn't have to do that though ive made allowances as hes had a lit of upheaval, had to move 4 times in a year last year, but Im gonna end up in an early grave at this rate, I already have another child to deal with, if anyone has any advice on better ways to calm him down would be much appreciated.

[reallywittyname]

Didn't want to read and run. You're not alone, it is relentless. It's so hard isn't it? I try to ignore DD's tantrums and not react so she'll get the message that they don't have any effect, but obviously you can't do that in every situation. I find it helps to stay calm and not get wound up which is easier said than done especially if they are nipping and biting you.
i don't really have anything else to offer you other than solidarity and the phrase "this too shall pass". Hope someone with more experience comes along to offer wise words op.

[ChoochiWoo]

Thanks for your reply x ill write more later didn't want to not say thanks xx

[NellyTheElephant]

My DD1 was like that and my DS. Attempts to calm or restrain involved kicking and biting or smashing their own heads into walls / floor etc - v dangerous. DD2 never had a tantrum in her life. It is undoubtably very very hard. I didn't manage particularly well with DD1 as she was my first and I had no idea what to do. I couldn't stand it, would get angry myself, began to think there was something wrong with her. Thankfully she grew out of it (eventually). I then had DD2 who was the most calm little thing imaginable. Next was DS who was just the same as DD1, but this time round I was just so much better at not letting it get to me. I KNEW by then (having seen my DD1 turn into a wonderful articulate lovely child) that it really was just a phase. I became much better at keeping my temper and ignoring. Sometimes DH and I would even find ourselves having fit of giggles about how ridiculous he was (which obviously made it a million times worse if DS noticed!).

Tips: Really - it is not your fault, it is not his fault, it just IS. He is not naughty, he cannot control it, he will grow out of it. Remember this, focus on it.

No.1 plan is simply to remove him to a safe place and then generally best to remove yourself too so as not to lose your temper. If at home I would try (if I could avoid the kicking) to put DS in his bedroom then go and lie on my bed for 5 mins listening to the screaming and breathing deeply.

You can generally hear when the tantrum is winding down - different pitch of screaming. That is the time to go back to him. At that point say NOTHING. Put your arms round him, cuddle and rock him and you will generally find that by then the exhaustion has set in and proper tears will come. My DS would cling to me and sob. If I timed this wrongly and went too early though he would set off again for round 2. Do not at this point try and tell him off or even discuss it. So long as you didn't give in to whatever it was he wanted that set off the tantrum in the first place then no need to discuss it.

At a totally unconnected time you might want to have gentle chat about the behaviour, but to be honest at 2 he still might not get it. Actions speak louder than words, be consistent - so don't give in to it, remove him from danger, let him scream it out, then show him you still love him. This approach worked for DS and he seemed to grow out of the tantrum phase more quickly and easily tan DD1.

Out and about is harder. One memorable time around Easter my 2 yr old DS was grabbing at chocolate easter eggs everywhere in the supermarket and I wouldn't let him have them. The screaming tantrum in the aisle was awful and humiliating, but thankfully as he was my third child I had a thick skin by then. I would have been mortified by DD1. DD2 was so embarrassed she hid in the next aisle. i couldn't pick him up as he was kicking so hard, so I literally had to stand by and watch until the worst screamed out, then picked him up under my arm (head one way feet sticking out the back) and carried him to the car. Some peopled stared at me like I was a witch. Most gave a wry smile with comments such as 'aged two is he!!?'

Good luck!

[ChoochiWoo]

Thanks great post hes my 2nd kid I have a 5 yr old with ASD , probably why im so exhausted, you're right he really is still very young.