2 under 2, feel so upset & guilty I have no time or attention for DD2 due to older sister

[indiana7]

ls reassure me that 2nd babies turn out ok to, so upset & guilty I don't have any time to read or play with my 5 month old, I am still ebf & she sometimes has to cry for her feeds, she won't sleep unless she's in the sling or fed to sleep so she has no real nap times.
DD2 is 22 months & she won't play independently if she thinks I looking after DD1, she puts something in her mouth or starts jumping on furniture anything to get me away again. The hardest part is DD1 also needs someone lying with her till she falls asleep & then we sneak out this goes for her nap too & at the same time while I'm getting DD1 off to sleep DD2 is hysterically crying for me & I leave to see if she's ok & DD1 gets out of bed & whole thing starts againsad
I feel like such a rubbish mam & finding 2 under 2 so tough. Hubby is great but he is working crazy hours at the minute, we have no other support...
Also feel guilty as DD1 at the same age got so much attention, I was constantly reading to her, playing, talking whereas DD2 honestly gets no attention her basic needs are catered to & thats it.. I'm feel DD2 has got a rubbish start in life in comparison to her sister...
We get out everyday as its winter its the library,playgroups, tumble tots, monkey music & gymboree but I make sure we have a plan for everyday but I still find it so tough & feel DD2 is really missing out as I am dying to read & play with her I just honestly can't. I have tried playing & reading with the 2 but dd1 just takes all the toys off her & won't let me read. Advice pls & if you had 2 under 2 how did no 2 turn out???!!!x

[shmuf]

Hi op,I often felt the same way (and some days still do...!) the thing that helped me most was actually remembering I'm the 4th child in my family (less than 2years between each child,all ebf) and I certainly don't feel traumatized by (or even remember tbh) my first few years of life! Ur only one person and as long as everyone is alive and well at the end of the day ur doing a great job

[dameagatha]

DS1 2.3yrs & DS2 8mths - I felt (feel) very much like you. I was reminded that people growing up with brothers & sisters mostly love having them & don't remember being left out while their sibling was being looked after. It sounds like you're doing loads with them... is there any way of sending one to nursery/grandparent for a morning to spend time with the other?

[bearwithspecs]

My DS is 20mths younger than his very demanding sister. He got dragged everywhere with us. Both attend nursery too. At 3 he is the most loving mischievous funny kind boy who adores his sister and can entertain himself for hours. He copies everything she and her friends do. Now we make a real effort to do some of his stuff , but really do not worry about it

[jimmycrackcornbutidontcare]

I read to my older 2 dcs whilst feeding my youngest. There is 18 months between DC1 and DC2 and the same again between DC2 and DC3. I also sit at the table with them and we draw and colour in whilst I feed her using a feeding cushion to support her weight and leave me with at least one hand free. I feel guilty sometimes that I am not just staring at her, taking in how wonderful she is whilst she feeds like I did with DC1 but she is happy snuggled up and feeding and the other 2 are happy getting attention. Your DC1 will be there to entertain your DC2 when she gets a bit bigger. She will enhance your DC2's life so much it will be worth it.

[Clueing4looks]

There 16 months between my two (DD11 DS9.9) so I know exactly how you feel, although their dad left when my youngest was 2 days old. One thing I can guarantee is that This will not last. The baby will soon catch up and she'll be eating with you, playing with you and her sister and joining in. And just remember that this time next year your eldest will be about to start nursery so you can make up all the time you feel you're missing out on with your youngest.

[DramaAlpaca]

I had a 16 month gap between my first two. It gets easier, I promise, and the second one turned out just fine.

[indiana7]

I originally posted this, dd1 now 2.2 & dd2 8 months, no change. So upset dd1 till needs me to lie with her while she falls asleep for nap, dd2 waits in her cot playing, dd2 also needs to be fed to sleep so wont fall asleep. Every day i have to leave my 8 month old crying(starts getting bored of toys after 10 mins) in her cot while dd1 goes to sleep. Feels like I'm always tending to dd1 & never have enoughh attention for dd2.. Please tell me the second child turns out ok, feel like ger development is being hampered...

[itsbetterthanabox]

I think you need to be stricter with the older one. She needs to learn to play alone.
Maybe get a play pen and put her in there while you feed dd2. She can't hurt herself in there so she's safe but she'll slowly learn to amuse herself. Same with sleep. Don't lie with her. Every time she gets up firmly tell her to go back to bed and ignore her otherwise. If she's crying go and check on her every 5 minutes so she knows you are there but won't be lying with her. It'll take time and be hard but worth it.