Lying 3 year old!

[claireb84]

Hi everyone

I desperately need some advice from anyone that has been in a situation similar to mine.

I have a 3 year old son who at the moment seems to be going through a stage of lying a lot!

He has over the past few months been crying in the mornings saying that doesnt want to go to his childminders and when asked why he claims that one of the other children hit him. We asked his childminder about it and she was really good about it and said she hadnt seen anything but would keep a closer eye on them to make sure nothing is happening.

Since then he has been saying other things that we know are definitely not true like telling me that his daddy hit me or that an old lady in the street scratched him! His childminder also asked him how he got a scratch on his face and he told her that she did it when he wasnt even at her house when he got the scratch!

We dont want this to get to a stage where his childminder says that she cant have him anymore but we dont know how to handle this properly without making him think that we dont believe anything he says even when he is telling the truth!

Please can somebody help?!

[Jolleigh]

No experience of this myself OP but you've been sat for 12 hours with no input so this will bump for you if nothing else.

How suddenly did he start with this behaviour? Is there a theme to the lies? Examples you've given seem very based around violence. Does he seem genuinely distressed while telling them? Has there been a change in his circumstances at home?

[BarbarianMum]

Just relax. Most 3 year olds have difficulty separating reality from fantasy from some thing they've dreamed or seen on TV or that they've seen happen to someone else. You wouldn't worry if he believed in dragons or father Christmas so don't worry about this.

In terms of stopping it I suggest you ignore it rather than getting heavy about telling the truth. At the moment he is getting a reaction from you by these claims. Take away the reaction and he'll soon outgrow it. Or gently tease him by making a game of it (Oh no poor you. Yesterday when I was shopping an elephant squashed me flat). When he's a bit older yi'll be able to talk to him more seriously about truth and lies.

[Smileysar1]

My DS is doing the same! He will do something right in front of me and claim it wasn't him it was me or daddy..... I don't know where it's suddenly come from.
I'm trying to reinforce the importance of truth telling but I can tell that he doesn't comprehend what I'm saying. It's really hard!
I'm sorry this is no use to you but I wanted you to know you're not alone I'm sure it's just a phase that will pass (hopefully!)

[Iggly]

Maybe he's saying someone hit because of the reaction he got.

Interestingly the cm couldn't rule out a hitting incident re the other child - so it could have happened?

[hiccupgirl]

Young children don't understand the difference between what actually happened and their version of events/what they have imagined happened because they can't remember. So although technically they are lying, they're not lying in the way an older child or adult does.

My DS went through a phase at 3-4 where he would come home and tell me a certain child at nursery had hit him and jumped up and down on him. Clearly this hadn't happened particularly because when I asked the nursery the other child hadn't actually been there that day! But because my DS didn't like him and was a bit scared of him, he'd imagined this whole scenario in his head and to him it was real.

Reinforce what you do know has happened and explain why you know what he says isn't real. But it takes a long time for children to be able to remember specifics of what has happened over a day and then the difference between reality and what's in their heads.

[kiki0202]

Does he know that he is lying? If you tell him you know daddy didn't hit him what does he say? My niece has always been one for tall tales but when confronted with the truth (if we know it) even at 3 she knew it wasn't true. She once accused my DP of smacking her when he was taking care of her turned out they had been play fighting and he smacked her butt during the messing around when she went home she was told off for something she told her mum she'd been smacked to try to get sympathy and not be told off.

I think saying people have hit him is quite serious since you will never know if he's telling the truth so he could actually be getting hurt and you don't take it seriously or someone is being accused. I think how you deal with it depends on if he knows it's not the truth or not.

[Iggly]

he smacked her butt during the messing around

Then the kid didn't lie!?