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Parenting

why are we buying "how to parent" books?

39 replies

giddy1 · 04/10/2006 13:23

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Lio · 04/10/2006 13:32

Yep, borrowed the Baby Whisperer from teh library, cried loads, took it back the next day. Ask MN-ers instead

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CountessDracula · 04/10/2006 13:34

I was thinking this same thing last night

I was looking at my "toddler taming" and wondering whether to buy the next one along as she is now 4. Then I thought "Why have the opinion of one bloke when I can have the opinion of 200,000 mothers"

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giddy1 · 04/10/2006 13:38

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lulunaticmama · 04/10/2006 13:40

agree agree agree! ]
trust your own instincts! or MNetters!

it's like diet inustry - making billions out of womens insecurities!if they worked, would be one baby book and one diet book! IMHO...

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Pruhoohooohoooooni · 04/10/2006 13:41

I have bought a couple, but mostly out of interest.
My parents were lame, so I have no role models to go by.
Agree MN much better, though it doesn't suffer fools gladly!

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Gobbledispook · 04/10/2006 13:42

I'm not. Cos it's all a load of bollox.

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MrsNobofNobsley · 04/10/2006 13:42

I think people buy them because they don't know mumsnet exists.

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Gobbledispook · 04/10/2006 13:44

Or because they have yet to be rescued by ITV1 who could air their issues for public consumption, eh MrsNob?!

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Gobbledispook · 04/10/2006 13:44

Or because they have yet to be rescued by ITV1 who could air their issues for public consumption, eh MrsNob?!

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foxtrottingtotransylvania · 04/10/2006 13:45

Agree with you giddy1. Never bought a book - it's such a normal thing to do, i figured that i should be able to work it out for myself.I'm fairly laid back about the whole business TBH. Some of the threads on here leave me baffled!

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foxtrottingtotransylvania · 04/10/2006 13:45

Agree with you giddy1. Never bought a book - it's such a normal thing to do, i figured that i should be able to work it out for myself.I'm fairly laid back about the whole business TBH. Some of the threads on here leave me baffled!

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foxtrottingtotransylvania · 04/10/2006 13:46

oops, now i'm baffled, but not bothered as to how my reply has appeared twice

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Wordsmith · 04/10/2006 13:47

I agree. I bought a ceetain book when DS1 was about 4 months old. It sounded quite sensible, so I tried to do it. because it didn't go 100% according to plan I felt quite insecure and paranoid for about two weeks. Then I thought "What the hell am I doing?", threw the book away and regained my sanity.

Having said that a lot of them do have good advice and when it's your first time you don't have a clue what you're doing. I hadn't heard of Mumsnet when my two were babies; I'm sure I'd have got better advice on here but then I'd run the risk of someone slagging me off on the breastfeeding/weaning/SAHM vs WOHM threads, so it's swings and roundabouts.

Fact is, new mums do feel insecure. A lot of books make them feel worse but a lot of the time they do help a lot.

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lucy5 · 04/10/2006 13:49

I don't buy these books, they fill you with insecurities. My best friend is an avid reader of these and with her dd1 she turned into Hitler.

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Bugsy2 · 04/10/2006 13:52

Think is when you haven't got a clue, a book can be helpful.

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manamana · 04/10/2006 14:01

I feel really strongly about this, my mum is very negative about the fact that I use books and a couple of friends have laughed at me but I would be utterly lost without all the help and guidance I have found from my books including she who must not be named... I appreciate that you don't want to judge giddy but what a lot of people don't realise is that there are some women (ie me) who don't just 'know' what to do, don't have a good relationship with their mother, don't have any family living nearby, don't have other friends nearby with children and so literally have no idea about how to care for a baby. I was lucky that my health visitor realised that I was finding things hard and came to visit me for a lot longer than normal but she couldn't come every day! I have read Dr Sears cover to cover several times, the 'bad' book many times as well as a few others for bits and pieces of advice. Mumsnet is great but you do get a lot of conflicting advice and when you have no confidence in yourself at all you have no idea who to believe.
Phew, sorry if a bit ranty but I'm sick of my mum saying "well, dear babies can't read books can they..." aaarrrggghh. Ds is now 13mo and I am feeling much more capable but still wouldn't be without my books

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pablopatito · 04/10/2006 14:02

"the book is telling you to do this, this and this!!!!"

I've read a few books, and in my experience they don't tell you to do this, this or this. They give general advice and suggestions is all. I've read on mumsnet people saying that certain authors whom I've read say "you must do this!" and I've re-read the book and it doesn't say anything of the sort. I think there's a lot of hype and myths about certain authors and books in general. Sometimes I expect mumsnet to organise a book-burning day!

For me, I read a book, I think 'hmmn, interesting, I might try that', or I think 'hmmn, that sounds like bollox'. But I don't think they ever make me insecure.

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lemonaid · 04/10/2006 14:13

I bought a lot of books, read a lot of books, and was very reassured by the fact they disagreed with one another. I've basically muddled along doing what seems best but I have drawn some useful suggestions from some of the books and a couple of them were very useful at particular problem points.

Books I have recommended on here, IIRC, are:

The Fussy Baby Book -- not so much for its practical "what to do" side (there isn't much of that, as it basically tells you to trust your instincts and do whatever works for you) as for the enormous relief that comes with realising that while your baby may be different from all the other babies at your postnatal class there are other babies like him out there and it will all be OK in the end. Plus the advice to do what works for you, have the courage of your convictions and ignore people who want to fix what isn't broken bears repeating.

The Happiest Baby On The Block (the DVD rather than the book, though) -- which made a huge difference to me when DS was 8 weeks old, he would NOT nap during the day and I was at the end of my tether. That was actually when I joined Mumsnet and asked for advice; I got some very friendly and supportive feedback (which is why I'm still here) but none of it made such an immediate and obvious practical difference as trying the techniques in this DVD.

The No-Cry Sleep Solution -- because it's structured as a range of individual "you might try this" suggestions for particular problems rather than a "one size fits all" manual. And it's one of the few non-cc sleep-related books out there, so is worth recommending to someone who's anti-cc.

How To Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk and Raising Your Spirited Child -- just because I found them very good and thought-provoking reads (and conveniently very in tune with how I'd like to do things). And recommending them on a thread is easier for me and the recipient than if I were to launch into a multi-page summary of the ideas.

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mumblechum · 04/10/2006 14:17

I've never read a parenting book or a parenting magazine. When I was preg with ds1, I read everying about pregnance and birth and the reality was nothing like it (he was born with devastating brain damage due to lack of oygen.)

Since then, I've just muddled thru'.

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blueshoes · 04/10/2006 14:35

My philosophy is either read nothing or read everything but not in between. Since dd was a demanding baby, I found standard books like Nobody's and BabyWhisperer very unhelpful. But then I discovered Sears etc. and that was a godsend when dd was a baby. Now I have moved on from Sears (don't agree with his toddler discipline) and follow Faber & Mazlisch and Alfie Kohn.

It gives me enormous comfort to know the theory behind the parenting style I have chosen. And the backbone to not be swayed by conventional parenting advice.

But mn is still the best for a broad range of views, particularly anecdoctal.

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Pitchounette · 04/10/2006 14:41

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Gemmitygem · 04/10/2006 17:50

although it's often seen as American or psychobabbly, I think the idea of getting tips on life, be it positive thinking, life coaching, relationships or parenting or whatever from books shouldn't be dismissed. Of course, there's a lot of tripe out there, but there are some really good ones which can help. Unless you are super motivated and super sorted (and a lot of people are, admittedly), it can be useful to learn ways of becoming more able to cope with life and have fun. I found the feel the fear and do it anyway book quite good, and the 'Your Best year yet' one really good: I've done it every year for the last 5 years and really have found it helps me realise what's really important to me and how to make the best of myself and be happy.

So I'd be grateful for any recommendations on parenting books! (due for baby number one in a week!)

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aviatrix · 04/10/2006 19:55

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franca70 · 04/10/2006 20:18

I bought a few when I had my first baby, as I hadn't read anything while pregnant. I don't anymore. I prefer talking to friends, dh, my mum, my mil and whoever knows and cares for my children. and MN is addictive.

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Amaretto · 04/10/2006 20:20

Gemmitygem, if I was advising a book for babies it would be :
The baby book and the discipline book from Dr Sears (Don't beput of by the title of the 2nd oe, it's actually all about attachement parenting)

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