3 year old bit me and I slapped him:-(

[Kiwikiss1]

Just had an awful start to the day. My 3 year old bit me while I was pulling him off his little brother (they have been up since 4am with the clock change so were getting a little mischievous after being told to play quietly for 3 hours) and I slapped him across the face! It was an instinctive reaction as the bite really hurt (and has left a bruise on me). We both cried and apologised but I cannot believe I did that to a small child! My only consolation is thinking that at least he might not do it again (to me or anyone else). Please tell me I am not alone in having done this...I feel dreadful! He is such a lovely boy, I think he just got over-excited.

[Booboostoo]

You all sound very tired, very sleep deprived and very sorry. You know what you did was wrong and you have apologised. Your DS can learn that everyone makes mistakes, especially when tired and maybe that's something he can apply to his relationship with his brother and you.

Hope you have a more peaceful day.

[elfycat]

It was reactive. You have very little control over instant 'flight or fight' reactions.

I've punched 2 men unconscious with this while they were touching places I'd rather they didn't I did slap at one of my children in a similar biting/pinching thing. I also punched DD1 when she woke me up by pulling my hair hard, it took a few minutes to piece together what had happened between her sobs and the sore bit on my head.

Give yourself a break. You didn't make a conscious decision to hit him. Now you can think through that next time you feel that pain you will, for example, jump away as a response. It might work, it might not. We have automatic responses for a good reason.

[PurpleWithRed]

I once kicked my child under similarly trying circumstances. I didn't turn out to be an abuser, and it doesn't seem to have done any lasting damage to either of us. Onwards and upwards.

[GeoffLeopard]

No you're not alone. I have been head-butted, kicked, scratched, bitten, squealed in my ear at point blank range (times) etc. This is not normal for an adult! Your responses are just reflexes. Doesn't make the guilt any easier to bear. But your reaction to having slapped him obviously showed him that adults make mistakes and that you're sorry. Tirrdness is just debilitating. Hope things calm down for you all today x

[CaminanteNoHayCamino]

I smacked dd on the bum after she once again hit me at bedtime and I snapped. I hate to tell you but it hasn't stopped her hitting me, but then she is tenacious and contrary to the point of madness (usually mine). I did apologise once my towering rage calmed down. It is very hard when getting hurt by someone not to react to it, even when it's a child doing it.

You are not alone and you are not a dreadful parent. This wouldn't bother you if you were. Have a cup of tea, put the telly on for them if you haven't already and give yourself a break for a while.

[Purplehonesty]

Oh I did that too, ds bit me when he was little and it really hurt! I lashed out instinctively and caught him on the arm I think.
He never bit me again.

[sandgrown]

I once slapped my nephew when he punched me in the face. It was a just a quick reaction. We are great friends now and as an adult he does not remember the incident. Please do not worry.

[SuperFlyHigh]

It sounds a reflex action (i.e. that HURT).

If anything it sends a strong message to your DS that doing this hurts and he won't do it again. in my opinion you're certainly not an abuser, evil etc and this will be forgotten about before long.

[ihaveadirtydog]

My dh pretty much threw ds across the bed once when he woke him up by biting him hard-ds's foot collided with my eye which also hurt! Not a great way to wake up for any of us!

[Ledkr]

I've done exactly the same.
I also kicked dd when she was 7, we were in a roasting hot country and my arms were full, she pull my top so my boob was sticking out. We were in a market I kicked her to stop her as I had no hands, still feel guilty and she's twelve now.
Dd is 3 and taught me why smacking never works.
She was fighting me when getting into her pjs. So violently that I tapped her bottom!
Furious she stopped and looked at me wounded "you don't smack my bottom mummy" I walked away exasperated.
2mins later she came I to the kitchen and smacked my bum!
"You smacked my bum so in smacking yours" still tearful and furious at me!

[FrazzledFandangenstein]

DS scratched my eyeball the other day. My first instinct was to throw him off the bed (high bed, hard floor).

I managed to fight it and fling myself on the floor instead but so easily done.

You can't help an instinctive reaction and you apologised.

[in2theblues]

I don't believe in smacking at all. My parents did it as conditioning which spilled over to a way of dealing with situations - for example defiance.

As a child at school I was caned, my finger broken, by a grown man wielding a cane but with no repercussions. It was the late 70s.

I think we have to wonder about the way we were brought up. We know corporal punishment has a negative effect; it was normal for us though.

I'm ashamed to say that I reflected my experience sometimes when my DC were little. In a way calculated inflicting of pain (tapping on the back of the hand) is more difficult to justify than the 'flight/fight' reflex.

My mum told me that I was a biter (once) so she bit me back when I was three:
'I never did it again.' she said. How rubbish is that?

I have met two adult 'biters' of approx. thousands of adults. They told me about their quirk so I told them I have a flight/fight reflex. The idiots didn't try it on me.

I'm sure hitting, never mind 'tapping' gently, can become a habit. Don't start it. You have found the point of reflex so work on it.

For the book: I was about 13 when I questioned the practice saying 'go on hit me if it makes you feel better'. I was 17 at the driving test centre when she last lashed out.

[ArabellaTarantella]

My mum told me that I was a biter (once) so she bit me back when I was three: 'I never did it again.' she said. How rubbish is that?

Why is it rubbish? It worked, didn't it??

[Kiwikiss1]

Thank you so much for all your kind words. After a good sleep this morning the day progressed much more calmly. This community is worth its weight in gold at times like these. No childcare manual ever seems to mention these types of incidences:-).

[JesusInTheCabbageVan]

Arabella this is a thread about how hurting children is undesirable. It's rubbish because, as parents, our job is to try wherever possible not to deal with small children at their level (biting, punching, kicking etc). Occasionally we fail in that, and while that doesn't necessarily make us abusers, it also should be something we learn from - last time this happened, I snapped. Next time, I won't.

[JesusInTheCabbageVan]

kiwi sorry, got sidetracked. Personally I blame it on the clocks My DS has also been channelling Satan for much of today and yesterday. It's exhausting, and I know that horrible feeling after having snapped. No blame from me either

[saltnpepa]

Across the face? Sorry I don't think that is ok actually. I've been kicked, slapped, headbutted, you name it. I have never once slapped them. Tomorrow is another day, I don't think you can do that again though.

[PenguinsIsSleepDeprived]

I have dropped dd when she hit and kicked me whilst carrying her. My instinctive reaction was just to let go. Also instinctively hit her across the bottom with a nappy (so not properly hard, but still hard enough to be unpleasant) when she kicked me in the bridge of my nose.

Not my proudest parenting moments, but I did apologise and I don't think it did long term damage.

Tomorrow is a new day.