Quick advice needed (6yo)

[BertieBotts]

DS (6) was eating dinner about 15 minutes ago. He asked if he could have some raisins for pudding, I said no, there aren't any left. So he went into the kitchen and looked, and found a small amount in the packet. He said "Oh yay, there are some left, look! I'm going to eat these!" I said "No, don't please, I'm saving those, there aren't many anyway. There are probably about 12 raisins in the packet, I was going to make a tiny cake thing with them.

I asked him to put them back about 3 times and he refused, I got up to take them off him, he put his hand in the packet. I ended up scraping them out of his hand at which point he dropped three and ate one, gloating "Haha, I ate one!" I said "Fine then you can have nothing for pudding." Thinking that was the end of it. DH then turned off the TV and took DS to his room, saying he could wait there until it was time for his shower (now. We're an hour ahead of UK.)

Now DH has gone out, but he said that he is sick of DS not listening to me and that he suggested that I should tell him after his shower that he loses his bedtime playing/TV/story (he's allowed to choose) because of this. I feel a bit conflicted, because surely he's already been punished - first with no pudding, also being sent to his room (DH said that was a calm down rather than a punishment), but OTOH he's still running around being cheeky to me saying things like "Oh I've put the water on but now I can't remember what to do!" and generally in that wind-up type mood, although he is actually IN the shower, which I was expecting to have a battle over.

WWYD? I feel mean punishing him in a way he isn't expecting for something that is really relatively little, I mean a raisin is stupid, but DH reckons it's about the fact that he went directly against what I asked and I should be coming down harder on that.

[ChillingGrinBloodLover]

I would allow him to do what he normally does after his shower. This time of night is not one for creating more issues (IMO).

Then, tomorrow morning we would be having A Chat about his attitude, taking back, not doing as he's told etc and I would be telling him very firmly that it stops, NOW. He'd be under no illusion that I meant it. [I have a brilliant eyebrow lift & tone that I inherited from my Dad - thanks Dad :) ]

[barnet]

Leave it. Don't make a battle out of something so trivial.

[BertieBotts]

Cool, that goes with my gut feel too :) Thanks.

[mrsruffallo]

I would let it go. Sounds like he wants to play. Chase him round the house and make him laugh.

[BigfootFilesHisToesInYourTea]

"OTOH he's still running around being cheeky to me saying things like "Oh I've put the water on but now I can't remember what to do!" and generally in that wind-up type mood, although he is actually IN the shower, which I was expecting to have a battle over."

This sounds like playing to me? Admittedly playing can get a bit 'manic' when my 6yo is tired but I don't think the intent is to cheek. I usually join in and pretend I've forgotten the next bit too, then they can remind me what comes next.

I think he's been punished (effectively) with the no pudding, surely?

[BertieBotts]

I'd never thought of that as playing, I get really wound up and annoyed by it because I just want him to get ready for bed or get in the shower or whatever. He gets so manic with it that it just pushes my buttons every time.

[mrsruffallo]

Try going with the flow and playing along a bit. See if it makes any difference.

[BertieBotts]

Hmm, OK, so I joined in a bit saying I was the bedtime monster and I'd come to tuck him in, played, resulted in him getting so overly hyperactive that he was running at full speed from one end of the flat to the other shouting at the top of his voice "I'MCALMI'MCALMI'MCALMI'MCALMI'MCALM!"

Now he's in bed waiting for a story but is trying out every kind of laugh he knows including cackling evilly and saying in a sweet voice "I just can't help it, I love to laugh and smile!" Cute, maybe, but it's now 15 minutes past the time he'd normally be in bed and he's not showing any signs of winding down.

Sigh. Now I remember why I get so annoyed at the first sign that he's going over the edge into hyper town.

[ChillingGrinBloodLover]

Yes - I think that almost manic stuff needs to be clamped down on when you first spot it, not played along with - it's hyper territory not fun territory - decidedly not what you need at bedtime.

Is he asleep yet?

[BertieBotts]

Oh, yes :) Thank you! He went to sleep about an hour ago, I left him to calm down for a bit, we read a story together, one paragraph each and then he went down fine.

[doziedoozie]

You could try the going to bed X amount early rule that I've read on MN, ie however much late he is, due to mucking about, is deducted from next night's bedtime.

So in your case 15 mins earlier tom night.

[BertieBotts]

He's pretty good at bedtime usually. He got hyped up because I engaged with him having forgotten why I usually don't engage and don't consider that "playing" momentary memory lapse due to guilt that I was being a horrible parent, I wasn't :) We already have a system to reduce mucking about in that it eats into his choosing time, so no worries there.

[BigfootFilesHisToesInYourTea]

Probably I should have been more specific . I wouldn't recommend "chase" games (which 'monster come to get you' implies?) or anything 'physical' before bed! I'll chuck a link to this book down instead, which is probably more helpful by way of ideas: www.playfulparenting.com/

[BertieBotts]

How do you mean playing then? I've read a bit of Playful Parenting but it annoyed me, not sure if I have it any more. Totally irrational, just the use of "goofy" to mean "silly", makes me think of the character.

And the poster before you definitely said chase around so worry not