Wife has post-natal depression

[nievesdesign]

Hi everyone,

I'm hoping that some of you may be able to help me, my wife gave birth to our second son earlier this year (Feb) and I think that she is suffering from post-natal depression. She loves our boys very much, and is not upset with them or unloving in any way but she is generally downbeat and tired.

It's been very tough for us recently for a number of reasons. She is aware she is depressed but I am not quite sure how to help pick her up out of it.

I'm hoping for some advice to help me to help her.


Thanks,

PS: I hope this is in the right place, I'm new here and not really found my way around yet.

[wingcommandergallic]

Hello and welcome.

From a practical point of view, try to do things for her, cooking, cleaning, childcare.
Encourage her to take an interest in things outside the home such as visiting HER friends, getting hair cut, little things like that.
I'd also give the health visitor a call for suggestions. Ultimately she may need to see a GP.

Good luck. PND is the pits and may really shake your wife's confidence in her identity and abilities as a mother.

[Lookslikeimstuckhere]

Hello,

Sorry that you are going through this as a family. It's very caring of you to ask for help.

Does your wife accept that perhaps she needs some help? If she does then maybe suggest looking after your sons whilst she goes to see the doctors. Or she may want you to go with her. They have access to the PND scale that will allow them to see how bad it really has got and can then refer her to the right people.

Alternatively, if you don't think that she is ready to accept that she is depressed and needs help then call the health visitor. If you let them know what your concerns are, they will more than likely call your wife on the premise of a 'catch up' and see if they can help. Mine came and saw me every week for months, just for a cup of tea and a cry on my part but it made me feel far less alone. She really helped me to accept that it was ok to ask for help and during the wait for therapy, was a friendly and caring ear for my addled mind.

I hope you can get her the help she needs.

[YonicScrewdriver]

Is she getting any sleep? Can she have a lie in at weekends?

[SevenZarkSeven]

I had PND and what helped me enormously was going to the doctor and getting some drugs for it.

It took a long time to get to it and once I'd done it I wished I'd done it a lot sooner, rather than struggling on for so many months.

So please try and get her to go to the GP.

Plus what the others have said

I am sorry that you are having a hard time as a family at the moment, and I wish your wife all the best in getting better.

[Lookslikeimstuckhere]

I also second the wingcommander but would also add to make sure she rests as much as possible. Sleep deprivation is awful without also having to deal with PND and even an hour can help.

[Waltermittythesequel]

I agree with practical help but I will caveat that.

It was probably just me but when dh did so much during my PND (and he really did), although it helped practically it made me feel shit!

Now, it was a no-win situation because if it hadn't been done I'd have felt shitter!

But, I couldn't bring myself to do things then I watched him do things and I felt guilty and useless and like a failure.

What I would say is; do the practical stuff, make sure she's well rested but if it's at all possible, get her involved in things.

Maybe buying groceries online, playing with little one. Story time and snuggle time at bedtimes etc.

[nievesdesign]

Sleep is a bit of a nightmare at the moment. My 8month old is up a few times each night as you can imagine, but he won't take a bottle so I'm not really able to help there. As I have have recently started my own business (more out of necessity than choice) my wife is keen to ensure I can build that.

Whilst it means that I have to worry about getting in work it does mean I can help a little more. I take my eldest to school in the mornings when I am not going into London for surveys or meetings and we go out to play football and do the weekly shop every saturday morning to try and let her get a few more winks. However, my youngest often has other ideas and he is certainly more of a handful than the first time around as he wont take a bottle.

[YonicScrewdriver]

Contact the health visitor for advice about getting DS on an occasional bottle - could make a big difference. Have you tried doing it whilst DW is out?