Hi everyone,
Just need to vent. DS (8 weeks on Wednesday, born at 34 weeks) literally never stops crying. The GP and I think he may have reflux so have started him on Gaviscon as he literally screams from one feed to the next and only stops for a few minutes if held upright or on his tummy. However, I've been trying this for 3 days now and no luck.
His twin sister is completely different - settles easily, was the smaller twin at birth but is already twice her birth weight and has overtaken him, and if she wasn't like that I would think it was something I was doing wrong. (I know it's not fair to compare him to DD!)
I am finding it absolutely exhausting. I am a single parent and without going into too many details about my ex as this is not what this is about, I am missing male company dreadfully - my postnatal body is awful, and I have begun to wonder if I will ever meet anyone again. I actually weigh 2 lb less than before I was pregnant but my tummy is absolutely covered in stretchmarks and although the puffiness may calm down I don't think they will ever go away, even with all the different creams and potions. I used to have a completely flat stomach and now I can hardly bear to look in the mirror.
My twins were conceived by IVF because of multiple health problems I have, and everyone I know assumes I must constantly be deliriously happy. And I am well aware that I am lucky that the treatment worked and to have two healthy babies, so of course I feel epically guilty to be complaining about the constant crying and the fact I look like a tractor drove over me. And naturally I don't want to make a big deal about feeling fed up because then we will go down the postnatal depression route and I don't know if I am actually postnatally depressed enough to start on tablets and have it recorded on my notes for evermore when it's more a sadness and disappointment about the situation. I had a very tough pregnancy - constantly worried about miscarriage, then I was severely anaemic and fainted after 27 weeks then couldn't stand up for more than 10 minutes, I found it very difficult with the constant attention about how big I was since I am painfully shy and then the delivery was equally awful, 38 hours of contractions strapped to a monitor which didn't work before they rushed me for an emergency caesarean section. I can't help being disappointed about the trauma of the birth, either, but if I say anything to anyone I know, again they will say I am being ungrateful.
And now of course, being twins they get masses of attention in public and I feel guilty not enjoying that too. But the worst is when DS is crying, every other passer by has a suggestion why and the other day this woman actually leant into the buggy and picked him up, saying clearly I couldn't manage so she was going to look after him for a while! The same day someone in a shop came up to me and said crossly, is this your baby? How can you let him cry like that? But there was nothing I could do, because I couldn't push the double buggy, pay and hold him at the same time, and I had been cuddling him for the past 4 hours and still he was crying.
I wanted to have children more than anything in the world, and all I feel is stressed constantly, I don't understand... and I know I will sound spoilt and miserable, but I have to tell someone, I hope someone will understand!
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My DS cries for the majority of the day. HELP!
21 replies
Poycastle · 22/09/2014 18:00
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