Pre school has ruined my toddler!

[Iheartpedro]

Dd is 2y9m and this week she started pre school, she did 1.5 hours for three days, I expected tears but she had to be taken off me two days and on the third day she was crying before we got there. At home now she won't go to bed. it took me a v v long time to teach her to self settle and now she wants one of us to sit with her until she falls asleep and I really don't want to go backwards but she is getting hysterical. I suppose what I asking is if things get better for those who take longer to settle?

[LiverpoolLou]

Has she had any settling in time with you there?

[LittleLionMansMummy]

Do they say if she settles after you've left?

[Iheartpedro]

Thanks for the replies. No settling in time at all with me, it's a pre school so they don't have the good settling in system like private nursery, it's just drop and go. She is there for 1.5 hours and should work up to the full three. They said there are a lot of tears, cried for 15 mins after i left but she did settle.

[caravanista13]

Any setting that's doing a good job should not only allow, but actively encourage, parents to stay while children settle.

[meadowwalker]

I think most pre schools do have a settling in policy where the parents stay until the child is ready and then gradually leave for longer periods as the child. Could you ask if you could stay and settle her? I don't think children that young should be left crying.

[meadowwalker]

sorry x post

[LiverpoolLou]

Poor little thing. I'm not surprised she's upset. I think you should follow Meadowwalker's advice.

[WhispersOfWickedness]

My dc went to a preschool and they encouraged you to visit before starting for the dc to play with you there and also to stay when they did start if the dc needed you to.

[Rumandcokeplease]

My daughters at pre-school and we were allowed to stay when she first started - even now I'm allowed to stay for a few minutes while she settles in (she's had a bit of a wobble after the summer holidays!)

[Littlefish]

I run a pre-school and we have a very flexible settling in process which is led by the needs of the child. Parents are welcome to stay for as much and as many of the sessions as think is appropriate, although, if we think the child is really settled, we encourage them to leave for 10 minutes or so and see how it goes.

We had a child who needed her parents to stay with her for an entire term before she could stay without them. (This was an unusual situation though).

It's absolutely not in anyone's best interests to have a child being upset at pre-school.

[Littlefish]

In fact, we encourage all parents to stay everyday for the first half hour if they want to.

[StripyBanana]

We visited pre-school together, had a home visit from her keyworker, then had a short session.

No tears here, but it is an amazing pre-school and they make a big effort to settle kindly.

I'd be concerned at a continually unhappy child going to preschool, it doesn't sound quite right to me.

[Iheartpedro]

You have just confirmed what I thought, that they should be ok with me staying longer. I will raise this, thanks all for taking time to reply.

[meadowwalker]

I hope they respond well and your dd is happily settled soon

[Oakmaiden]

Is there any reason why she has to go to pre school at the moment? I only ask because I used to have a problem with my son crying and clinging to the doorposts as I tried to get him to nursery, and at the time I just kept on and hoped he would get used to it. And I guess he did eventually, but he was never happy there.

Looking back, 13 years later, I wish I had just said "OK, if you hate it you don't have to go." Not possible if it is childcare while you work, but otherwise...