I feel like my marriage is beyond help...

[Daydreamer123]

I am so fed up of my husbands lack of help, he literally does NOTHING around the house or with the kids.

Up until recently he was working long hours (albeit from home) and I could forgive him for not pitching in more. however, he is being made redundant at the end of this month and despite knowing that this was a possibility for several months and a reality for the last 3 weeks, he has not applied for a single job. Instead whilst work has been winding down he sits at his desk playing computer games and drinking beer all day.
I work part time from home and do everything around the house and with the kids, all the washing up, laundry, tidying, hoovering, taking the trash out. my husband has NEVER got up in the night or in the morning with the children (2&4yrs) NEVER bathed them, read them a bedtime story, or put them to bed. He only changes our DD's nappy when he really has to. ie. I am not there. Last night I said he should bathe the kids, which he said he couldn't do as he hadn't done it before...in the end he reluctantly sat and watched how I did it, although I expect that is as close as he'll ever get to doing it himself! to his credit he used to do some of the cooking, but recently, that has stopped too, If I don't cook for him he will just order take away!

I've known my husband since we were 16, and witnessed a relationship between him and a friend break down disastrously several years ago...so I should have learnt from that! When we started dating I was living alone with my DS whos father sadly passed away before he was born. looking back, I was sad and lonely and my husband was very understanding and supportive (to his credit, he still is) but after a couple of months I made the mistake of moving him into my home - where of course, I was already cooking, cleaning, and being mummy.
Even after 2 house moves and the birth of our DD, he is happy to let me keep doing everything.
Sadly he lost his mother to cancer last year, she was a young mum and was only in her mid 40's. I know that he is very depressed and his self esteem is at an all time low, but he refuses to get help.
If I bring up how unhelpful he is, he always tells me that I am "making him feel like a piece of s*" and somehow I come out feeling like the bad one :(

There is no romance in our relationship, he never surprises me, or buys for special occasions...he'll just cop out and tell me to pick myself something, but as our money is shared it just feels pointless!
He rarely comes to bed any more, but sits up till the early hours watching TV and falls asleep on the sofa...putting the living room out of action for most of the morning.....We are occasionally intimate, but its always on his terms.

In recent months I have twice told him how unhappy I am am, and asked him to leave during arguments, but he just refuses to go. Our home is rented so there is no money tied into it on his part, but I paid the deposit from a previous redundancy and my DS has just started school in the village.

I feel trapped, totally used, becoming a miserable mummy, and dread the thought of doing this "till death do us part"

[Ticklemonster897]

Give him a choice in verbally and writing if you have to. Calmly state he has till Wednesday to a) get help for his depression or b) leave. He can choose which option he goes for and he can let you know his decision Wednesday evening. Tell him if he needs support going to the GP, you will take time off work

If he choses B I think you will have to do something drastic - move or lock him out. He can present himself as homeless at a police station or the local county council. The will find him temporary accommodation (hotel or hostel) and then a proper place eventually.

[Ticklemonster897]

If you do lock him out and make him officially homeless, do it first thing in the morning so he can present himself early in the day. Don't do it in a Friday or weekend as services are patchwork