Help and advice needed please!

[Lkl8]

This is my first time posting on mumsnet so I'll introduce myself... I'm a shy young mum of three. I had my first daughter just before my 18th birthday. I am having some real problems at my daughters school.... My dd is in year 2 now but since she started none of the other mums in the playground talk to me. They all stand in groups in circles and do not even agknowledge me. I have a chip on my shoulder I guess as I'm a young mum. I always feel I have to work twice as hard to prove myself as the older mums and like I'm being constantly judged. It doesn't help that I look even younger than I am! As I felt more and more pushed out I started making my oh take my daughter to birthday parties as I was so nervous the other mums would ignore me the whole time (therefore, I now see, making things worse)
Well things have come to a head now as my daughter is saying she has no friends at school she plays alone and there is one 'queen bee' child who also happens to have a 'queen bee' mum who is telling the other girls not to play with my daughter. My dd is honestly a lovely but sensitive child so this is affecting her greatly. I feel this is partly my doing as the other children and parents socialize outside of school. I feel so guilty and worried about my baby! :'( she is becoming more withdrawn and crying before school and I hate it too! My oh and I have decided, even though I could really do without it right now (I have 2 jobs, a baby a toddler and a 6yr old an my partner works 60hrs a week!) to let her take a friend of her choice out every other weekend. Will this even help? I need some kind words to be honest and good advice. I have told the teachers how my dd is feeling and they have said they will keep an eye on her but I don't feel they realized how upsetting this is for my daughter. Sorry to ramble on and Tia for any advice

[Shelby2010]

Hi, haven't got much in the way of helpful advice being a much older mother with only pre-school children, but didn't want to read & run. I think helping your daughter to socialise outside school can only help, although it could just be round for tea rather than an outing. Are there any clubs in your area that she could join like brownies/rainbows or dancing or some sport, depending on what she likes. It might boost her confidence to have friends outside school and if some of her classmates also attend all the better, although not the Queen B, obviously!

Don't blame yourself for this, you sound like a great mum & I've read enough threads to see that this seems to be very common amongst girls that age. The important thing is that you are giving her the support that she needs. It's probably worth asking for a proper meeting with the teacher to discuss the issues if you feel they are not dealing with it effectively and ask to see their anti-bullying policy.

Hopefully things will improve soon, at least your daughter has been invited to birthday parties so it can't be that nobody likes her, just one child causing trouble. And for what it's worth I would never 'look down' on a younger mum, I'm more likely to look jealous that it took me 20 odd years longer than you to get my life 'sorted'. And that you make me look old and frumpy!