Hi. I am really struggling with something and would like advice from anyone who's been in a similar boat. I am 41. Myself and DH started trying for children when I was 35 (silly with hindsight). We went through 1 silent miscarriage, another one with IVF, then another IVF cycle, which miracle of miracles resulted in the birth of DC1 when I was 37. 2 years later, after another failed IVF cycle, we naturally conceived our 2nd miracle DC2, born the day before I turned 40. I can still hardly believe it, and said our family was complete. I know very clearly how lucky we are. However, a few weeks ago, a friend announced she is pregnant with no.3, and I started thinking about a 3rd, which was a shock. I talked with DH about it, but he is definite he does not want a 3rd - he says it would be wrong given the risks because of my age, and he is happy with our family. I can't express how much I love DC1 and 2, but I feel sad and can't help being a bit resentful of DH because he has said no. I could accept nature saying 'no' as it almost certainly would, but am struggling to accept that the blocker is DH and this is affecting our relationship. I would never go through IVF again, and wouldn't want to try beyond 42, so that means the next few months would be my last chance, and I think that's partly why I feel like this - because I am struggling to accept my childbearing years are done. My head keeps thinking of all the downsides of trying for a third and the upsides of staying as we are, but my heart keeps pushing me to want to try again!
So for the sake of my DH and our family as a whole, I need to accept that 2 is the right number for us, and stop feeling sad when I see families of 3 or think about not having any more. It might just be that time will heal, but I'm someone for whom talking stuff through really helps, hence this post. Any thoughts? Please don't judge me - I know I am so so lucky to have what I have, I do count my blessings every day.This is just about acceptance so we can be a 100% happy family again.
Please or to access all these features
Please
or
to access all these features
For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.
Parenting
2 beautiful children - how do I accept no 3rd child
3 replies
vfm1 · 11/09/2014 14:48
OP posts:
Please create an account
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.