2 beautiful children - how do I accept no 3rd child

[vfm1]

Hi. I am really struggling with something and would like advice from anyone who's been in a similar boat. I am 41. Myself and DH started trying for children when I was 35 (silly with hindsight). We went through 1 silent miscarriage, another one with IVF, then another IVF cycle, which miracle of miracles resulted in the birth of DC1 when I was 37. 2 years later, after another failed IVF cycle, we naturally conceived our 2nd miracle DC2, born the day before I turned 40. I can still hardly believe it, and said our family was complete. I know very clearly how lucky we are. However, a few weeks ago, a friend announced she is pregnant with no.3, and I started thinking about a 3rd, which was a shock. I talked with DH about it, but he is definite he does not want a 3rd - he says it would be wrong given the risks because of my age, and he is happy with our family. I can't express how much I love DC1 and 2, but I feel sad and can't help being a bit resentful of DH because he has said no. I could accept nature saying 'no' as it almost certainly would, but am struggling to accept that the blocker is DH and this is affecting our relationship. I would never go through IVF again, and wouldn't want to try beyond 42, so that means the next few months would be my last chance, and I think that's partly why I feel like this - because I am struggling to accept my childbearing years are done. My head keeps thinking of all the downsides of trying for a third and the upsides of staying as we are, but my heart keeps pushing me to want to try again!
So for the sake of my DH and our family as a whole, I need to accept that 2 is the right number for us, and stop feeling sad when I see families of 3 or think about not having any more. It might just be that time will heal, but I'm someone for whom talking stuff through really helps, hence this post. Any thoughts? Please don't judge me - I know I am so so lucky to have what I have, I do count my blessings every day.This is just about acceptance so we can be a 100% happy family again.

[MrsMinton]

My H and decided after a lot of talking to not try for a third. I had always wanted a big family but age, health and work factors made us stop and think. We decided last year and at first I was so sad. Over time it's faded. Occasionally I wonder what if but now I'm happy with the choice we've made. It's not easy at all and I think the fact that we agreed that if one of us changed our minds we could look at it again certainly helped.

[Eva50]

I think hormones play a large part in this great desire for another baby (be it number 2,3 or 4)when time is running out. Many of my friends and colleagues have felt this way but for various reasons have not gone ahead and all are happy with that now.

I too felt this desperation, although had been happy enough with my two. We went ahead and I had two miscarriages and then my ds3 in my early 40's.

Obviously I adore my son, he is so bright, clever and funny and has added a completely new dimension to our family. However it is hard sometimes having an eight year old when you are in your fifties. Sometimes I would like to sit and chill instead of "doing the next lap". I am also very aware of how fortunate I have been that ds3 is healthy. Given my time again I don't think I would have made the same choice.

[vfm1]

Thankyou for your replies. Since my post, I have been very difficult with DH because of the resentment I feel, to the extent he has said he will go with what I want to make me happy (I don't feel good about this, in fact felt awful). Ironically though, this has helped me feel more relaxed about baby 3 and it is no longer all I am thinking about. Who knows what will happen, I don't want to 'try' officially as we went through so much before, but wouldn't mind if we were just a bit relaxed about contraception so it's in the hands of nature now and then. As I said before it's a v v tiny chance particularly if we are not 'trying', and I can accept that. Eva50, I think sometimes for some women it's about the last chance before time runs out. Silly really, but there you are. Thankyou for sharing your experiences - I know we would love a 3rd like we love our 2 but can also see the stresses and the challenge of being older parents too.The door isn't closed for us but it's only just ajar!