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Long trip with newborn(22 Posts)
My lovely DS is two weeks old and my DH wants us to drive to his family this weekend. The trip takes around 3 hours by car and he wants to go there and back in the same day.
Two family members are ill (non-contagious) so cannot travel to us, although PIL could if they wanted to and would be welcome to stay with us.
I am nervous about DS spending that much time in a car seat and have told DH we would need some stops. Plus I am exhausted and still bleeding.
I feel bad about saying no to DH and am very keen to see DH's family when DS is around 5 or 6 weeks old (which in what DH said before DS was born).
My parents also live around 3 hours drive away and I would not want to travel to them for several weeks either. They made the long trip to see us for a couple of hours though.
Am I being PFB?
If you feel rubbish still then don't do it.
I would prefer to take a teeny baby who is likea to sleep. At six weeks mine were always feeding. Plan for lots of stops but then drive for as long as bsby is happy or until the 2 hour car seat limit.
It sounds as if it is too soon for you. You are not being PFB about it.
If you do end up going you could try a lay down car seat. Britax do a baby Safe lay down one.
Remember it's not just the drive it will be the logistics of being there with a newborn too.
To be fair, it's the easiest age - my DP's relatives live 200 miles away, we travelled there when DS was 3 weeks, no drama. We travelled there last week with DS 18 months. Massive drama. After 2 hours DP dropped us off at a train station and we made our own way back (DS loves trains so no tears). However if you don't want to get in a car for 6 hours 2 weeks after birth then don't...
We did a similar length of journey when dd was 6 weeks old. We stopped a lot to feed and she was a dream in the car and slept loads but then we had the worst night ever when we got home and she didn't sleep at all that night!!
I would go tbh as long a you are comfy, but wouldn't be concerned with baby, as fine in car seat for an occasion long trip
Can you plan stops? Ie every hour approx plan for a stop where you can use toilet/ baby can be fed etc.
Is there also no way to stay there/ in area overnight? I don't fancy 3hr trips x2 in one day, but fine travelling sat morning and back Sunday afternoon
It would be too soon for me. 6 hours could take considerably more with stops for feeds and nappies. Seems silly to travel all that way especially when some are ill anyway! I'd wait a few weeks.
We moved countries when dd was seven weeks and did around 700 miles. She was fine, loved her car seat, loved being in the car. We stopped several times and factored it into the journey. Even now a couple of months later putting her in it is the one thing guaranteed to send her to sleep. We also got a little mirror so whoever was driving could keep an eye on her at all times.
I wouldn't worry about the car seat thing. But you have to do what is comfortable for you. If you don't want to yet then don't.
We did a 3 hour drive when DD was 6 weeks. I wouldn't do there and back in a day but over a weekend would probably be fine. Remember, you will be having to stop for feeds so the journey will be longer than what you normally manage.
However, if you are still exhausted don't put the pressure on yourself. You are still recovering from a major event!
Many thanks all - encouraging words and experiences.
We have three houses to visit once there but I shall try to reduce this to two...
Id compromise with the travelling there but insist omce there you stay at one house and all visitors come to you there.
Theres only so much you can ask of a newly born baby and its bedraggled mother.
I wouldn't go. At 2 weeks postpartum (had c-sections) I was still bleeding incredibly heavily and would have needed pit stops to sort myself out, let alone cuddle and feed and change the baby.
I think your DH is being unfair asking this of you and I would certainly postpone until baby is a little older and you are feeling a bit better.
I'd hold off for a few weeks if you don't feel up to it, particularly if you're bleeding and uncomfortable.
We travelled 200 miles when DD1 was 10 days, she was fine (had couple of stops) but in hindsight would probably have been best to have waited for a couple of weeks as I was exhausted - I was just desperate to show of my newborn!!! Wait until YOU are ready, you DC will be fine whenever.
Oh and if you do go set up the back of car so it's comfy for you. Put babies seat behind driver, and you sit in back with baby. You can put other front seat really far forward to give you lots of leg room.
Take blanket incase you want to feed baby when you stop with door open for extra fresh air or on bench outside if cold.
Take plenty of water and snacks in car and spare clothes etc
Only go if you feel ready - it will take longer than three hours as, with the best will in the world, the likelihood of you not having to stop to feed, even if you feed him just before you get in the car, is slim. It seems a lot to do in one day.
DD2 would have slept through it but would have roared the car apart for the first 40 minutes. We'd have had to stop every 45 minutes with DD1.
Also, if you don't feel physically ready, then don't do it. I feel for your DH, but it's you and the baby who are the important ones at the minute (prepares to be flamed).
Should have said dd was born in a heatwave and spent hours in the car for many days around 2-3 weeks as it was the only cool spot! She was fine and better there than in 37 degree heat.
Completely agree to not underestimate the impact on you. My parents came at 2 1/2 weeks for a visit and it was exhausting as they wanted to look around everywhere. Stay put if you want to and make people come to you.
And actually if it's only 3 hours each way, why can't people come to you in stages? It's not that far for the able bodied. I've changed my mind, don't go and sit and cuddle your baby!
You're exhausted and bleeding. You don't need to explain to anyone. Your DH should be thoroughly ashamed of himself for asking this of you.
Get everyone to Skype, have day visitors and tell all others you'll see them in a couple of months when the baby is more interesting.
I know a lot of pp have said go now it's the easiest time, but that's not true for everyone. I couldn't and wouldn't have done it with either dc. Especially while learning to bf dc1. How will you manage at the ILs when you're bleeding all over the bathroom, trying to discreetly bf, learning to settle your baby without the inevitable pass the baby cuddles.
Would be a big no here. If your gut feel is screaming no, then don't go or you'll harbour massive resentment over it. This is a special time for just the 3 of you and you shouldn't look back with regret.
Wow, thank you so much for all the support.
Two of the stops are with people who cannot come to us - elderly relative who has just had stroke and a teenage niece who is disabled and too poorly to leave house right now. That was driving the need for us to go to them.
Aside from the travelling, I'm not sure how much time they would actually get with DS after he's been BF and changed, possibly at each house.
I spoke to my DH again this evening and he's happy to postpone and review again in a couple of weeks. So a happy ending.
Thanks again to everyone who responded - it was really helpful.
Good for you! Glad you have delayed the trip a bit longer. Best thing all round.
Oh well done Mint, I'm glad you and DH have come to a conclusion that suits you. I know it'd be a while off, but we drove to south-west Ireland from London when DD1 was 13 weeks and it took a lot longer than it would have done pre-DC. Best piece of advice I can give with smallies is to go really really early in the morning and come back late so that they're in a naturally (ha!) sleepy time.
We travelled from the south-west of Ireland up to Dublin in the same trip, leaving mid-morning and a trip that should have taken 3.5 hours took 7 - I was a wreck by the end of it.
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