Toddler tantrums, what should you do?

[ikeaismylocal]

My ds is 20 months old and starting to tantrum. We were quite baby led when he was smaller, not leaving him to cry and trying to meet his needs as quickly as possible.

The problem is that now his "needs" quite often are a need to run around the shop or a need to not leave the park.

Today he had a tantrum in a shop because he wanted to walk/play, I acknowledged that he wanted to walk/play and explained that he couldn't because it was dangerous, I put him in the trolley and he screamed for about 15 minutes. He shouts mummy mummy mummy and holds his arms up to me but if I pick him up he just wiggles and kicks to get down so I just held his hand and stroked his head and said we'll be finished soon and tried to distract him (unsuccessfully) as soon as the shopping was finished he was happy and all was forgotten.

Is this the right thing to do? I felt bad that he was so upset but abandoning the shopping and leaving seemed counterproductive as we would just have to go and do the entire shop again (probably with an inevitable tantrum) later today or tomorrow.

I'm having another baby in a few weeks so there are going to be more occasions where he can't have his preference met, do they get bored of screaming and start to be compliant and happy or is it best just not to leave the house?

[carolinementzer]

Hiya, that all sounds familiar - I had a strong willed toddler too. I love Dr Sears practical approach to tantrums which I link to on my blog - plus I've written a blog post on how to deal with tantrums which may interest you. Here's the post if you want a read. mydaughterwontsleep.com/2014/05/12/temper-tantrums-an-alternative-approach/ I found offering a snack whilst in the shopping trolley quite helpful too - just a distraction really. Plus also giving warnings every time we're about to leave or do something seemed to help. E.g. we're leaving the park in 5 minutes, then 2 minutes, 1 minute etc. my DD seemed to accept it better. Good luck!

[mumofboyo]

I try to ignore tantrums as much as I can tbh if a love/cuddle makes it worse.
Sometimes I say, "When we've ... then we'll ..." but this works better with ds, 3.5, than dd, 1.11.
It sounds mean and heartless when written like that but, imo, the world can't stop simply because they demand it.
I also try to give my dc a little more controlled freedom - if the shop isn't busy I let them walk with me (reins might help?) and let them help get items from the shelf etc. They enjoy this and makes for a more relaxed shopping trip. They also like that big trolley with the car on the end but it's a bugger to steer!

[Thurlow]

I tend to try distraction if possible. I find a lot of the time tantrums come either from being hungry, or not understanding what is happening or why they can't do what they want. So either I give DD something to eat, or right from the moment of getting in the shop try and give her something to do - hold the shopping list (it's very important, you know, and such a fantastic help to mummy, and what a wonderful job you are doing holding that list for me... ) or picking things from the shelf. If it's an interesting thing I just let her hold it and play with it while we shop.

Sometimes I bribe her with the promise of a magazine at the end if she is nice and helps me

Every once in a while, though, it has to be ignore, ignore, ignore. There's a fine line between bribery and rewarding bad behaviour. I get it wrong sometimes!

[Up2nogood]

Ohh the joys of a toddler! I flubs these websites. toddlercalm.co.uk/pages/about.html
www.ahaparenting.com very helpful. Actually they are both on Facebook which have great posts! At that age intended to avoid wgere possible those cab if senarios as DS was the same. Do you HAVE to do the shopping? Can you do it online? On the weekend on your own (sadly I now class doing the shopping kiddy free as a break!)
If I needed to do something I pre warn him. Make sure he can run off steam before we go, but isn't to tired in there. No too hungry. But skis mate sure I have emergency snacks! Then, usually he asks for one if those moving rides outside the entrance. Yes, but after shopping. I'd doth use it as leverage, like if your good. It's just yes, but after the shopping.
Let him chose where to go. DS like to stand in the front of the trolly. Sometimes he likes to help.

Give him as much control in these situations as you can.

He's only young, he wants his freedom but he's stop too young to understand limits. I remember taking DS to tesco when he was about that age. He screamed in the trolly so i let him walk.... He pull a load of cereal boxes off the shelf [shocked] after that I made a deal with him, push around in the trolly, then upstairs, walk (run) around the clothes second then cafe break! DS loves Cafe stops!