12yo ds2 gone to live with his Dad - what do i do?

(11 Posts)
summersover Sun 31-Aug-14 14:17:11

I separated from exh 4 years ago, have 2 ds's who live with me & see their Dad most weekends. ex still lives in our old house which has 4 bedrooms & plenty space. All I hear from DS is how much better it is at Dad's, more space, bigger TV, Sky, better internet etc etc. Huge row on Thursday over school and homework and he stormed off to his Dads and hasn't come back. I am distraught sad

ArabellaTarantella Sun 31-Aug-14 16:07:18

I think they all do this at some point. Just let it go - they will probably fall out and he will come begging to come back smile

summersover Sun 31-Aug-14 16:19:28

Really? at 12? I was actually quite shocked seeing as I do everything for them both and I feel quite hurt. Yes I can understand that all the fun stuff happens at Dad's at the weekend and I'm on their case about school, homework etc. but to move out?

wheresthelight Sun 31-Aug-14 18:28:49

at 12 he is testing boundaries. I am sure once he realises that full time at dad's involves the same mundane chores and insistence on school and homework he will see things differently.

IMHO the worst thing you can do is force the issue. Stick with phrases like "you will always have a home here" and "it's your choice where you live amd I will support your decision". if you confront him he will likely dog his heels in harder.

marne2 Sun 31-Aug-14 18:32:31

I had my step son move in when he was 14 ( after he was moaning to his mum and begging to live with us ), he lasted 3 days before he asked to go home because he missed his mum. I would let him go I'm sure he will come back after a short time.

summersover Sun 31-Aug-14 18:39:59

The problem is that Dad has far less (if any) boundaries than I do and probably wont insist on any homework or chores being done. I work p/t so I can be home for them after school but he doesn't get home til 6.30 at the earliest, that's a long time to be home alone after school and probably eating rubbish as there will be no tea made. BUT if he doesn't want to live with me why should I do the after school running around for activities, dentist etc?

wheresthelight Sun 31-Aug-14 18:43:40

I went home to an empty house at 11 when I started high school he will be fine.

without being mean, maybe you need to cut the apron strings a little bit? my dss is a year younger but he can do his own washing, walks the dog himself, takes himself out to the park etc. they need to grow up eventually. maybe he feels treated more grown up at his dad's?

summersover Sun 31-Aug-14 20:14:12

ouch shock

wheresthelight Sun 31-Aug-14 21:03:55

sorry wasn't meant to be mean as I said in the post, but your post about being on his own does come across as a little controlling and thought it would be wise to raise a different perspective. didn't mean to offend

summersover Sun 31-Aug-14 21:14:06

Thanks for all advice. Ds just called me, apologised and asked if he can come back tomorrow smile

wheresthelight Sun 31-Aug-14 21:16:01

that's great news!

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