Pissed off with another mum's comment. Please tell me there's nothing wrong with what we're doing

(134 Posts)
Thurlow Tue 19-Aug-14 10:11:56

Went out last night with some of the NCT mums. We don't see each other often and, honestly, don't have too much in common bar our DC so the conversation was quite child-centric.

One of the other mums kept making comments about what my DD is still or not yet doing. I normally see threads like this and think "but just ignore them!" but this has wound me up a bit and I'm stewing. I don't think there is anything wrong with what we are doing or haven't done yet, but of course she's now planted that 1% seed of doubt.

DD is 2.5 (29mo). She still...

Sleeps in a cotbed with the side up. "Oh my, we took the side off DS's bed when he was 18 months! She really still has the side up? I didn't think any kids were still in cots at two and half!" DD hasn't ever tried to climb out, and having the side up means she can't get out if she's semi-fighting a nap. We tried a bed on holiday a few weeks ago - fine for night, awful for naps. So as far as I'm concerned that side is staying on until it absolutely has to come off.

Has her bedtime milk in a bottle. Same comment as above from other mum, surely no toddler still has a bottle?! DD drinks it quickly, has her teeth brushed afterwards, drinks all other fluids out of other cups. Just likes a bedtime bottle. We've tried to change it but she likes the comfort. Will probably try again soon but (until this lovely mum made comments) I didn't actually see the harm in a comfort routine.

Hasn't started potty training. "Really? Not even tried? How unusual..." DD has shown very few signs of being ready, so we can't see why we should push it when she's not ready just because 2.5 is a common age.

I do know what most people don't still do all those things above - but she's 2.5! Should we really be pushing her to do the "older thing" just because of her age? I don't like the idea of pushing them to do things just because it's the next stage, it feels like forcing them to grow up - but maybe I'm wrong? I should say she's perfectly normal in regards to everything else. Or was this mum just being an arse?

mommathatwearspink Tue 19-Aug-14 10:16:11

She's being an arse! It's none of her business how your parent your child. You will do things as and when you and your DD are ready. Ignore her!

cloggal Tue 19-Aug-14 10:16:12

Being an arse. There will be things her dc don't or can't do that your dd manages perfectly. Wash hands, rinse, repeat smile

ems1910 Tue 19-Aug-14 10:16:30

Urgh. Hate this. She is being an arse.

I'm with you completely on the potty training, had comments from my mum and brother about it but I waited until he was ready at just gone 3. One accident the whole time! I didn't make smug comments, oh no! ;)

I would call her on it, but I'm not good at being subtle.

lornemalvo Tue 19-Aug-14 10:16:33

She sound very rude. I can't see anything wrong with any of these things. I'd probably try her on the potty now as she may take to it and save you having to change nappies. Plenty of children are not trained by that age. How very rude that woman was.

mnistooaddictive Tue 19-Aug-14 10:16:48

This is a Mum who has to compete through her child, she is the one with the problem. Lots of children are in a cot at 2.5, my nephew was in a cot until 3.5- it did him no harm! Dd2 wasn't potty trained until nearly 3, I couldn't face it and waited until she asked, result was one accident. So much easier than dd1 who I pushed at 2 and we had numerous accidents for weeks and weeks.
My sil just lies to people like this- tell them what they want to hear and laugh behind their back. They don't matter.

Thurlow Tue 19-Aug-14 10:23:26

I wish I had lied! I didn't realise what was happening really until the end of the evening, the conversation meander from topic to topic, so for a while we talked about getting the kids to sleep, then half an hour later it was potty training, so I didn't add it all up to the end!

I hate it when someone puts doubts in your head. It hadn't crossed my mind that a bedtime bottle or being in a cot were remotely things to think about, and potty training - like you say, why rush it have accidents? I'd rather do it when I know it can be done in a day or two. We've got the potty out and DD watches other kids so she's becoming aware of it, but then this is a girl who pees on her feet if she is nappyless and looks completely confused where it is coming from grin

I should have tried to find something DD is doing. Though that would have brought me down to her level so probably better that I didn't!

Thurlow Tue 19-Aug-14 10:23:50

meandered

hoboken Tue 19-Aug-14 10:23:55

When your daughter is Prime Minister, an Olympic gold winner or is in a solid, professional career or is a happy individual with a lovely DP, you will realise how utterly sad and trivial it is to indulge in alpha-female behaviour over the side of a cot.

Amrapaali Tue 19-Aug-14 10:29:07

Ugh, where do these mums find the energy or inclination to even notice,let alone comment on other children? When I was a new mum, a combination of extreme sleep deprivation and being utterly besotted with my dd meant I never even looked around me for quite a few years. grin

OP, ignore these idiots.

BerylStreep Tue 19-Aug-14 10:29:56

She was being an arse. Even if your 2.5 yr old is reading the Iliad, you don't disparage other people's DC (unless you are an insecure prat who needs to do so to make yourself feel better).

I can't remember what age DD was when she stopped using her cot, but I remember very clearly that she was 2.5 when she decided to use the potty. We were on holiday in Spain and we had to buy a potty there (try describing potty in halting Spanish?) I also remember clearly her starting playgroup at 2.9 months, and her still wearing a nappy (and us having to make her promise no poos until she got home).

When she started nursery school at 3.4months, we finally managed to persuade her to give up her bottle, which she loved. Most children in the nursery year were still having toilet accidents.

I wouldn't worry about it, these milestones will happen, in her own time. It's all to do with neural pathways or something. When she is 9, you will barely remember.

rookiemater Tue 19-Aug-14 10:30:23

How sad that she even feels the need to comment on these things:
Cotside - not sure what the great difference is between sleeping in a cot and in a bed with the bed guard things, wouldn't worry me enough to even talk about it
Milk in bottle - as long as you are brushing her teeth afterwards then don't see what the issue is
Potty training - I tried DS at about 2.5 but it was hard work and then some medical stuff happened to me so I just gave up at about 2 yrs and 10 months he pointed at the pants and said "I wear these now" and stopped using day time nappies ( except to poo) with very few accidents and no fuss on my behalf.

I'd just hang out with different friends. trouble with NCT pals I found is that because you bonded over same age babies it does become a bit of a comparison thing, which might have been helpful when they were very young, but a bit wearing once they're older.

FragileBrittleStar Tue 19-Aug-14 10:31:20

There is nothing wrong with what you are doing!!
DS was in cot til 3- it was big enough for him, he was comfortable and he never tried to climb out so it was safe; Potty training started at 3 (and finished within a week- because he was ready). He didn't have a bottle - but only because he was breast fed til 2 1/2.
There is no need to do things early just because others do.

HaroldLloyd Tue 19-Aug-14 10:33:06

None of what you are doing is an issue.

DS only recently potty trained and I think it's important to wait until they are ready.

Bottle, no big deal at all

Cot, ditto, what a total non issue.

She was just being a knob.

vestandknickers Tue 19-Aug-14 10:33:25

Don't meet up with this woman again!

My twins were in a cot, having a bedtime bottle and in nappies until they were 3. Don't think they've been scarred for life. They are 7 now and seem relatively normal.

plantsitter Tue 19-Aug-14 10:34:19

We did all those things at 2.5! I think.... It all fades in the memory (and dd2 is only 3.5!)

whyhasmyheadgonenumb Tue 19-Aug-14 10:34:47

DD is 3.2 and still has bedtime bottle, she likes it and I'm not bothered. She climbed out of cot at 18 months and I have learned the hard way, DS will not be going into a bed until absolutely necessary!!
DD potty trained herself so I can't really comment but I would of probably waited until the summer she was 3 - so about now - but she did it herself the summer she was 2, she has a thing about being wet.

They won't be 14 and drinking out of a bottle or wetting themselves, sometimes it just takes time.

Thurlow Tue 19-Aug-14 10:35:50

trouble with NCT pals I found is that because you bonded over same age babies it does become a bit of a comparison thing, which might have been helpful when they were very young, but a bit wearing once they're older.

Oh, completely. We don't see each other often so as I said, the conversation ends up revolving around our children a lot. I don't mind seeing them every now and again but now I know, I'll just smile sweetly and not get drawn into a conversation with her about these things!

I suppose what doesn't help me worrying about it is that in RL I know very few people who say their toddler still has a bottle, most people have put them in beds by now, and most people are potty training. So I guess she hit a nerve there.

MangoBiscuit Tue 19-Aug-14 10:37:27

"Oh my, we stopped with all the petty competitiveness when we left school! You're really still doing it? I didn't think anyone was quite so childish at YOUR age!" <smiles sweetly>

She's been an arse. You're not doing anything wrong. I feel a little sorry for her tbh. Sounds like she'd trying to make herself feel better with this behaviour. Doesn't make it any more acceptable, just pitiful. sad

MangoBiscuit Tue 19-Aug-14 10:37:35

"Oh my, we stopped with all the petty competitiveness when we left school! You're really still doing it? I didn't think anyone was quite so childish at YOUR age!" <smiles sweetly>

She's been an arse. You're not doing anything wrong. I feel a little sorry for her tbh. Sounds like she'd trying to make herself feel better with this behaviour. Doesn't make it any more acceptable, just pitiful. sad

She's a complete arse and you're doing just fine. Ignore ignore ignore and pity her for feeling the need to use her child as a competition.

HaroldLloyd Tue 19-Aug-14 10:40:05

When someone feels the need to show off about wee and poo I do feel a bit sorry for them.

Wee and poo.

HaroldLloyd Tue 19-Aug-14 10:40:58

Maybe you should say, no dd isn't potty trained yet but I did a shit yesterday the size of a sea Snake.

member Tue 19-Aug-14 10:43:13

Sadly, some people like to be "winners" & will find whatever means neccessary to appear superior in some way; always sad when they have to do it through their children.

Some people are almost forced to turf their first dc out of the cot when a second appears but if you don't have to do that, then you wait until the child is ready.

Majority of drinks from a sippy cup - fine.

Both of my dds were nearer 3.5 till they could be potty trained - earlier tries were stressful and unmitigated disasters!

You are doing absolutely fine!

Thurlow Tue 19-Aug-14 10:43:15

grin Harold

Thanks. It's nice to know other toddlers are still doing bottles, cots etc.

It is strange that some people can get so competitive about their young children.

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