6 yr old son and his behaviour

[peppajay]

My son is 6 and has had assessments with a paediatrician for aspergers. It was felt that on his last appointment that he has several traits but probably not enough or not severe enough to warrant a formal diagnosis. They can cope with him at school and I can cope with him at home. However no body else can ie husband and grandparents but we deal with that by me doing everything and not really involving husband and grandparents. Previously he used to have terrible problems with structure and routine but this has got much better so has his social side he still lashes out at people but he is beginning to get better. His main problem is pure logic everything has to be the way it has to be and if it isn't he finds it really hard to cope and if something doesn't go to plan or goes wrong he screams so so loud!! They can deal with this at school and it used to happen 5 or 6 times a day but prob now happens a couple of times a week. His old teacher was brilliant and his new teacher knows him really well so hopefully she will deal with him well as well. When he screams It is exceptionally high pitched and is followed by really loud hysterical crying but school and me can calm him down and get him back to normal within a couple of minutes. His school report was fantastic and academically he is flying generally his behavior is good but he gets very overexcited sometimes and can end up hurting other children!!! However as mentioned above other people find him really hard work and are blaming me for his screaming fits I need to teach him to stop, they usually happen if he spills his drink , or the wrong tv programme comes on at the wrong time he has a fasinaction with dates and times and memorises the cbeebies schedule so anything that changes will freak him out. He is getting so much better but he does still scream and if we are out my hubby will get so embarrassed and end up blaming me for crap parenting and using ASD as an excuse like my parents do apparently I am too soft on him and he should be shut in his bedroom until he learns to conform with the norm!!!!!! How can I get people to understand that he is a little bit different and I am trying my best but apart from gagging him I cant control what is going to happen to make him freak out??? x