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Parenting

DD2 behaving very differently recently?

14 replies

aubreye · 05/08/2014 18:05

My children are generally quite well behaved. I trust them in the house if I'm in the garden, they are good when we are out and they are polite and friendly to friends, family and to anyone they meet. But my DD2 has been acting very badly in the past few weeks or so. She is only four yet she back-chats, mutters under her breath and hits her brothers and sister. I know my nine y/o DS cannot stand her anymore and she has made her big sister cry after throwing her Sylvanians down the stairs and breaking one. We have sent her to the naughty step at home and threatened not to take her holiday (we are on it know) but she said she didn't care. She used to be such a sweet little girl and know we can't even have a civilised holiday until she is sat in her bedroom by herself. Have any of your DC ever been like this? Please help! And sorry for the long post!

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slightlyinsane · 05/08/2014 18:26

Is this in the past few wks or longer. My ds is 4 and started behaving exactly the same towards the end of summer term and it's continued during the holidays. I'm putting it down to tiredness and then having siblings at home on school holidays and having to share things and my time. We've had 5 wks of hols so far and I'm now counting down the last 2 wks, I've had enough. No miracle cures but your not alone

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aubreye · 05/08/2014 18:50

I suppose it is, for the first week she was at a holiday club with DS2 and seemed fine but now she's not. I think she might be a bit bored as the hot weather burns her easily so she's mostly inside anyway!

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tumbletumble · 05/08/2014 18:56

I think if you have generally had easy children it can be a real shock when one of them goes through a phase like this! It sounds like she's being a pretty normal 4yo though.

Try to stay calm and consistent. Threatening not to take her on holiday was a bit silly, as you can't follow through on that one! Remember it's just a phase - hang in there and she'll come out the other side.

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aubreye · 05/08/2014 19:05

I was planning to leave her with her grandmother but my DH told me that it was only going to make matters worse when we got home and my other DC were all talking about it. It has been a shock as usually I can follow through with threats as my other children have never been so rude! At the moment she's in her room for four minutes because she threw DS1's book in the pool and now we're desperately trying to dry it out whilst looking after all the DC. Hopefully she'll calm down and we'll have a nice extra week here.

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tumbletumble · 05/08/2014 19:18

It sounds like you are being too hard on her, OP. You were really planning to leave her with her grandmother while all the rest of you went on holiday without her?? Sorry but that is way OTT for a 4yo being rude!

This phase has taken you by surprise, but I think you need to take a deep breath and remember her behaviour is annoying but normal for her age.

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MrsKCastle · 05/08/2014 19:30

Sounds like it's becoming a really negative cycle- you obviously expect her to behave badly at the moment.

Can you try to really focus on anything positive- anything at all- that she does and comment/praise her on that? It's hard, but it really does help. Give her loads of attention when she behaves, and ignore as much as possible when she acts up- just remove her, take her to her room but don't make a huge deal out of it.

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aubreye · 05/08/2014 21:28

She's putting a real strain on our family and I know it was in the heat of the moment but I'm trying to put her to bed now. She put her pajamas on nicely so I told her well-done and I realise I should not get so angry so thanks for reminding me to take a breather!

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ChangeYouFucker · 05/08/2014 21:41

We are having a nightmare time with our lovely 4 year old (ha ha ha). She hits, scratches and kicks me. My polite loving DD has done vanishing act. I really lost it with her this morning and have felt terrible since. So you are not alone!

I try not to do time out (some times I have to just to calm down) as I don't think it resolves the root of the problem that has resulted in the problem. It's so hard to know what to do!

But I have to agree with others about the holiday. That could backfire as she could think what is the point and her behaviour gets worse.

Incidentally my DDs behavior is 100x's better if I give her really focused 1-2-1 time, she just laps it up!

With the muttering under the breath, have you tried humor? Make a joke out of it with her, while also trying to find out what she is saying as she is probably trying to communicate something to you but doing it in a poor way. Doesn't mean it's not valid.

Good luck as it's bloody hard!

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ChangeYouFucker · 05/08/2014 21:42

Also I have to remind myself she's only 4!

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aubreye · 06/08/2014 07:50

Thanks, yeah she mutters a lot when I tell her off. My DS1 doesn't help as he just laughs at her and is rather nasty back sometimes so I have had to deal with him a few times, but I understand that he's rather annoyed with all of her antics. DD1 stays out of her way now and so does DS2, which I think upsets her as she has no one to play with. Maybe it's down to lack of attention now I look at it, being one of four, I can't focus all my attention on her and I think she wants me to! Today we're going to a zoo so hopefully she will enjoy looking at all the animals.

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headoverheels · 06/08/2014 08:07

Well done on the positive attention last night aubreye - I agree with MrsK that you seemed to be getting into a negative cycle. I think it's easy to start labelling her as the "naughty child" of the family, and then it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. You say that you 'understand why DS1 is annoyed with her' but, again, I think you need to be really careful about that kind of dynamic developing, as it won't help DD2's behaviour.

Hope you all have a lovely day at the zoo

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aubreye · 06/08/2014 08:39

Thank you, she has been okay this morning, a bit grumpy but not doing anything to upset other DC. Hopefully she'll cheer up later when they can get an icecream with lunch.

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MaryAnnTheDasher · 07/08/2014 01:31

OP my 4.5 yo has recently started the exact same behaviour, I'm actually quite relieved to read your thread and see it's normal! What we tend to do is make him apologise nicely to whoever he's upset (this can take a while!) and remove some sort of privilege until he does. Feels a bit empty really as he's only apologising because of the threat but at least he is pulled up on it every time

I've also found that his younger dd, 2.5, plays up to it a bit so I've been careful about always just assuming he's been in the wrong which is important for him to see.

Hope this improve for both of us soon!

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aubreye · 08/08/2014 11:13

Me too we've just come back from holiday and I'm lucky to have this day off to clean six people's washing for two weeks and to start looking at back to schoo stuff. DD has been in her bedroom with a twenty pack of crayola and a colouring book we bought her at the airport. Luckily she's not found something naughty to do yet!