"I can see your (16 mo) daughter is contrary and difficult whereas ours is generally good."

(75 Posts)
puzi Sun 03-Aug-14 19:18:09

...said to me today by a father of a 2yr old.

I am oversensitive, I know that, but I am finding socialising with friends who have children of a similar age quite isolating. My daughter is spirited and bright and challenging, but she is the apple of my eye and I don't need comments like that. Anyone had similar challenges?

DefiniteMaybe Sun 03-Aug-14 19:20:40

I wouldn't worry about it, my dd was contrary and challenging from birth. Shes almost 3 now and is still the same, but along with that she had such an amazing personality is so full of mischief and fun, she makes me smile all the time. Yes she's still very contrary but at least she knows her own mind.

Iggly Sun 03-Aug-14 19:22:43

Laugh in his face. Or say you'd rather an independent child. No one likes a doormat <tongue is in cheek by the way!>

Deluge Sun 03-Aug-14 19:23:08

He sounds like a deluded bore.

Never mind him. The spirited ones are my favourites grin. They're generally much brighter wink...maybe drop that pearl of wisdom in next time.

noblegiraffe Sun 03-Aug-14 19:23:55

"Yes, yours is very placid isn't she?"

How rude of him.

puzi Sun 03-Aug-14 19:23:58

Thank you, I really shouldn't worry about it. My daughter is likewise FULL of mischief and fun, which I adore. She is just so much more full on than our friends' children...

FunkyBoldRibena Sun 03-Aug-14 19:25:24

I can see your (16 mo) daughter is contrary and difficult whereas ours is generally good.

'Oh - you mean dull. Never mind, maybe she will perk up one day'.

tethersend Sun 03-Aug-14 19:26:47

Yy, DD1 was 'generally good'- although I was never as rude as said father, I was secretly smug.

Then DD2 was born.

<twitches>

There's still time for him to have another wink

SirChenjin Sun 03-Aug-14 19:26:59

Ignore ignore ignore - tossers like this tend to crop up occasionally. Other parents laugh at them - either to their face or behind their backs.

As long as you are being firm and consistent with your DD, and not letting her away with bad behaviour that riles others, then comments like this are not worth getting upset over. Parents like that tend to go on and have a nightmare subsequent child - it's brilliant karma grin

DefiniteMaybe Sun 03-Aug-14 19:30:54

Haha tethersend my ds was a really good child of course all down to my superior pfb parenting. Dd soon cured me of smugness.

SirChenjin Sun 03-Aug-14 19:40:46

See OP? Tethersend and Definitely are living proof of that karma grin

SholerAndChocolate Sun 03-Aug-14 19:44:06

My contrary, difficult and delibrately defiant 2 year old is also the kindest, gentlest, thoughtful most loving child I know. I wouldn't swap her defiance and difficulties for anything! (In fact some days I'm secretly proud of her defiance, at least she doesn't just follow the crowd without thinking)

Besides the word 'generally' really means, she's a little horror and I have to put you down because she's out of control at home and I feel like a failure. Ignore him, you're doing a great job. And I know that because you are a mum who is trying to do her best x

Dontgotosleep Sun 03-Aug-14 19:51:39

I hope you told him where to bloody go. My child is no saint. She's got her faults like all 7 billion of us., she's human! I'm not one of those blinkered parents that thinks they've got an angel. I can call her, but over my dead body will I let anyone else call her.

ChocolateWombat Sun 03-Aug-14 19:59:07

It was rude of him to say it. However you are being over sensitive. Perhaps what he said is true. It's not nice to hear it spoken, and it is rude to say such a thing, but at the same time, we do need to recognise the reality of our children.
You will hear other people say things about your child. As they grow, schools will make constructively critical points (which his wasn't) and you will encounter rude people or those who simply don't like your child. You do need to learn to let it wash over you and not be too precious.
And as for retaliation, don't sink to his level. Perhaps the MN favourite of 'Did you mean to be so rude' would be enough.

puzi Sun 03-Aug-14 20:09:46

Thanks all for your kind words. Chocolate Wombat, what he said is true, no doubt about it. The challenge is, what do I do about it? I feel like retreating from being with my friends with kids because I don't want them to feel they don't want to spend time with us because DD is so different to the others...

BedPig2013 Sun 03-Aug-14 20:12:33

What a rude thing to say! My 17mo dd is determined and mischievous but also so sweet, caring and lovely, wouldn't change her for the world. I'd just try my best to ignore comments like that.

BedPig2013 Sun 03-Aug-14 20:14:28

I find that my dd prefers to watch or tag along with whatever any slightly older children may be doing, if you've got friends with any 2 or 3 year olds your dd may prefer their company.

BedPig2013 Sun 03-Aug-14 20:14:57

What a rude thing to say! My 17mo dd is determined and mischievous but also so sweet, caring and lovely, wouldn't change her for the world. I'd just try my best to ignore comments like that.

BeckyBusto Sun 03-Aug-14 20:15:31

ha ha ha that dad is an arsehole!

Perhaps his 2yo seems so placid because he's a dullard who bores the pants off her and she's near comatose.

Ignore the twattish remarks. They tend to be made by people who are narrow minded, unimaginative, arrogant, insecure, self centred, jealous....you get the picture. Pity them (and their bored witless offspring.)

Meanwhile your dd has bags of personality, and is full of confidence. grin

RiverTam Sun 03-Aug-14 20:18:23

what a knob. At 2 his DD's personality has fuck-all to do with him. And I can't stand babies (or young children, in fact) being referred to as 'good'. They're not good, they are what they are - easier for you to deal with, perhaps, but certainly not good, just as they aren't bad.

EthicalPickle Sun 03-Aug-14 20:18:39

What an idiot that man sounds! I think you need new friends.

gamescompendium Sun 03-Aug-14 20:19:51

As I keep telling my friend who has similarly rude comments about her DD from her MIL (her DDs cousin is 'perfect') difficult babies turn into wonderful and very bright children. I have a work colleague who says all children have the same amount of bad in them, it just comes out at different ages. A difficult baby will be a perfect teenager and vs versa.

Liara Sun 03-Aug-14 20:20:10

I would just sigh dramatically and say 'I know, it's hard work, but I just keep telling myself that the 'good' ones are the ones that generally get fucked over later in life, and I don't want that for her, obviously.'

Passive aggressive and true, the best combination.

EthicalPickle Sun 03-Aug-14 20:23:10

If ever there was a time for

Did you mean to be so rude

..this was it.

Bahahaha. He will get a shock with DC2.

Tis as tethers and Definitely indicate. DSs1-3 listened to me. I thought I could parent. I cannot. It wasn't me - their personalities are just a little more conformist. Now I have DS4. Oh my Lordy.

We face daily comments on his spirit and general challengingness. He is as bright as a button and as stubborn as a mule. He is fantastic. My DM says it's karma because I was her first child and the same. My DSis was completely different.

I tend to laugh when people comment. And depending on how knobby they are will either empathise or reply how brilliant his personality is.

I do re-read pages of 'how to talk so children will listen' nightly but it seems he's a chapter ahead of me all the time

It's ok. Of course she's the apple of your eye. She sounds fun and just generally blelly marvellous.

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