My 8 year old is a cry baby

(34 Posts)
SarcyMare Thu 31-Jul-14 14:21:12

How can i help him? I have never called him this when he comes to me i give him a cuddle, do i need to be harsher? The tears only last a few mins.

Here are some examples
He had £5 to spend on a day out yesterday, he spent a pound on something that was useless so he wasted a pound, he burst into tears.
This day out was his birthday and he had 3 friends with him, they all went on a ride he was too scared to go on so he burst into tears.

His friends reactions was to roll their eyes and ignore him, but i know he has been called a cry baby at school.

Petitgrain Thu 31-Jul-14 14:31:22

Are you fucking serious? No. You don't need to be harsher. You sound quite harsh enough already.

MmeLindor Thu 31-Jul-14 14:35:49

No, don't be harsher, and don't insist that he denies his emotions. You can try to help him cope with his feelings, to give him another outlet.

Don't try to chivvy him out of it with 'Oh, never mind, you have another £4 to spend' type comments. Agree with him, 'Gosh, that is really annoying and disappointing'.

I don't know what it was that he bought, but in that kind of situation, perhaps suggesting that he writes a letter to the company who sold the useless product?

Your aim is to get him to express in words, rather than crying about it. So more communication, not less is the key.

JamForTea Thu 31-Jul-14 14:36:49

I think you should give him brief but genuine sympathy in the form of a hug (if he'll let you), say something that validates his feelings ('you're upset/disappointed') and then try to distract him onto something else.

MmeLindor Thu 31-Jul-14 14:36:50

Petitgrain
Talk about harsh. She said that she gives him a cuddle.

JamForTea Thu 31-Jul-14 14:37:35

Yes MmeLindor has expressed it better than me.

MmeLindor Thu 31-Jul-14 14:39:18

Jam
I was just thinking that you said it with less waffle!

Mrsgrumble Thu 31-Jul-14 14:42:17

I think that he may grow out of it op. just reassure him like you already are. He sounds just a sensitive soul.

I don't think you are harsh at all. You want to protect from name calling etc. When school returns it might be a good idea to talk to his teacher who may poin you in the right direction with dealing with emotions (google for social stories .. They offer scripts etc. my not be appropriate but worth looking at)

AdoraBell Thu 31-Jul-14 14:47:53

Harsh won't help at all. Carry on reassuring him and as has been suggested let him know that his feelings are valid. He quite likely will grow out of it.

missbluebird Thu 31-Jul-14 14:50:12

I agree...he needs to be helped to verbalise it rather than expressing his feeling through tears each time. The best way is to model it for him "I can see you are feeling ....." When he comes for his cuddle encourage him to tell you about it too. It helps to pair it up with how he physically felt too. That way he recognises it next time. So a scenario could be:
DS cries
You give a quick cuddle and say "I can see you are feeling upset / sad"
You say "Tell me what happened...."
DS tells you (hopefully)
You ask "what did it feel like inside when that happened"
DS may offer something
You reassure him that is normal and encourage him next time he feels like that to do xxxx.

I put xxx as it depends on the situation. What he could do initially is come to you and verbally tell you and you offer a "solution" then over time you try and develop his ability to "self soothe" by creating a monologue in his head telling himself it is ok and next time he can do it differently.

This takes time to do and some children can't always talk when they have been crying. In those situations give them time to calm down and then sit and have a reflective chat about it.

Petitgrain Thu 31-Jul-14 14:54:59

OP called her own son a "cry baby" in the thread title. I found that upsetting.

MmeLindor Thu 31-Jul-14 14:59:36

Petitgrain
I found the title upsetting too, but when I read the OP, I could see that she was worried about him being bullied at school.

Petitgrain Thu 31-Jul-14 15:04:43

Yes. Sorry. It seemed to me that the OP was sneering at her son. To be fair she seems a little short on understanding of basic human psychology if she thinks that being harsh with him will make things better. That was the thinking when I was was a child, in the 60s and 70s, and I suppose I assumed that most people have slightly more advanced thinking now.

MmeLindor Thu 31-Jul-14 15:08:35

Sarcy
You might benefit from reading How to Talk so Kids Will Listen - google it. It is a great book and they talk a lot about how to relate to kids, and the kind of thing MissBlueBird suggested.

slightlyconfused85 Fri 01-Aug-14 08:22:25

How is she being harsh? She doesn't call him a cry baby to his face and she cuddles him when he cries. Not sure the thread title matters much the boy isn't reading it. Op my brother was like this, my mum just used to agree with whatever he was upset about then move him on to the next thing quickly. He grew out of it. All kids are different I don't think yoy need to change your approach.

Petitgrain Fri 01-Aug-14 08:28:52

It's actually perfectly normal for 8 year olds to cry.

jaynebxl Fri 01-Aug-14 08:30:31

This would worry me too just because you don't want him to be bullied or teased at school. I agree that it is important to validate how he feels (that's so disappointing isn't it? Kind of thing) but then somehow he needs to start learning to see the bigger picture. Not easy.

jaynebxl Fri 01-Aug-14 08:31:10

And I don't think OP was being harsh at all. She doesn't call him crybaby to his face or anything.

noblegiraffe Fri 01-Aug-14 08:36:37

It's all very well for posters to say it's normal and you are harsh for wanting him to stop but I guess they don't have a child who cries at the drop of a hat. I do and when you see the reactions of children around him - confusion that they've upset him and you have to tell them they've done nothing wrong, exasperation, moving away from him when he cries, thinking he's a bit weird, and when the crying spoils nice days out for your child as they can't just brush themselves off and move on, then you might want to help them stop doing it too.

Petitgrain Fri 01-Aug-14 08:49:27

Actually one of my children did exactly this. I didn't ever see it as "problem behaviour" that had to be "stopped" because of what other young people might think about it. Just that I had a sensitive child who needed sensitive handling. They grew out of it and never felt judged by me for it.

noblegiraffe Fri 01-Aug-14 08:56:11

Why would you not want to help your child get along with other children more easily? confused

Other children can be pretty mean, and your kid having a big target sign painted on them won't make them happy.

Petitgrain Fri 01-Aug-14 09:13:21

Of course, I did try to help him see that it's better to be less sensitive, and to find ways to cope that he could use in everyday situations. But I didn't call him a crybaby, or think that I should be "harsh" towards him as a way of dealing with the issue. Honestly, who thinks like that nowadays? Apart from the hard of understanding.

Petitgrain Fri 01-Aug-14 09:16:00

Anyway it matters not what we all think, as the OP hasn't seen fit to respond to anyone's replies.

noblegiraffe Fri 01-Aug-14 09:20:18

I see you did try to help your child become less sensitive, petit But you are telling the OP that it is normal for 8 year olds to cry - suggesting that she should just leave him to it. All your bashing at the OP's choice of wording has done is imply that she shouldn't attempt to change the behaviour, and not tried to help her at all.

I'd have thought that someone who had been in the same situation might have had a bit more understanding of the frustration.

SarcyMare Fri 01-Aug-14 09:34:31

sorry my response from last night has gone missing, i am going to blame technology (or being half asleep using the ipad)

by harsh i meant as someone else said chivvy him along saying "come on don't cry, lets try to fix it" rather than validating that crying is a good solution going forward.

I know i behaved like this for far to long (i remember bursting into tears in my 30s because i got lost and was late and missed something i had been looking forward to weeks).
I know i need to teach him ways to handle these emotions in a more constructive/socially acceptable manner. But i don't know what those ways are.

And sorry about the title i was looking for something light hearted and snappy

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