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Nightmare 9 month old(53 Posts)
Well actually she has always been difficult. Colic reflux as a baby. Incredibly sensitive. Can't be left alone. Cries and whinges all the time, especially when teething and when trying to learn something new. Cries during nappy changes. Cries when I get her dressed in the morning. She fits most of the dr sears high needs description and I think she really does not like being a baby. She eats well and sleeps on so that is something but I honestly feel that I have the most difficult baby. Every day is a struggle. Constantly treading on egg shells around her in case she goes off.
I do go out most days to classes, meeting other mums etc but its hard to relax as she is fidgeting moaning or whinging. Her latest thing is wanting to try to walk everywhere with me holding her hands. It's exhausting.
People say that things get easier but inhonestly don't think they have. We do have the odd good day- and i take lots of pictures and videos then! But then we are back to the whining and crying again. It's relentless.
DH helps out alot. And we have family that come at the weekend sometimes.
I've been to the dr and seen the health visitor but they don't think anything is wrong with her. She's just high needs. But seriously how can a baby whinge and moan and cry so much?
I really feel so envious of other mums who can enjoy their lovely babies. I'm always wAiting for her to pop! I've googled endless times to see if I'm missing something obvious. She sleeps and eats well so it's not that. She does get grouchy with teething so give her nurofen, teething powders etc.
I alternate toys and we go to different rooms of the house to prevent boredom. She has walker and jumperoo which entertain her for about 10 mins but then she wants out!
I don't get frustrated in front of her but I have been known to leave her in her cot for a while and go to a part of the house where I can't hear her. That keeps me sane - I think!
Sorry for the long post but I really do feel that I have such a difficult baby and I'm wondering if there are any others out there that may have any advice. My sis and my friend had similar babies - theirs are older now and still high needs but more enjoyable to be around. That gives me some hope.
I wonder what makes some babies high needs and others easy, placid. My partner and I are very chilled calm people but having a baby like this has put us more on edge!
Anyone else out there?
This sounds exactly like my DD at that age. You have my sympathies - it is so so tough!
I don't know what makes them like that (we are both very chilled out too) but we found out at 11 months that my DD actually had multiple allergies, including milk, egg, soya and wheat. Once we took that out of both of our diets, we saw a completely transformed baby. She is now much much happier and more of a joy to be around.
I also think as she is older now and walks around (independent) this probably helps a little too. But if we accidentally give her some of the allergen food, then she's back to get whiny demanding self.
Have you ruled out allergies or Intolerances? Does your LO ever have a runny nose, sneezing, any redness on body or around the anus?
Also, have you ruled out reflux?
She had reflux as a baby but think she's over it now. Well
At least I think! She has cows milk intolerance do has special milk for that. Dr diagnosed that based on eczema excessive crying tummy aches.
I've not given her any egg so it can't be that. Do you know how you get tested for intolerances and allergies? Is it just a case of elimination? She does sneeze a bit and has a bit if redness on the body. And scratches herself alot too!
From what you've said, sounds like it's the allergies/intolerances causing the problem.
Ask your GP for a referral to an allergy pediatrician. Whereabouts in the country are you? Maybe we can recommend you someone.
Meanwhile, if I were you, I would remove all traces of the following:
After two weeks of removing ALL traces of above, let us know if you see a difference in your LO's behaviour and the physical reactions.
When I say traces this means you have to check ingredients on all products. It is tough to start with but it's manageable.
Ds has cmpi, also high needs, hes 8 months. Very sensitive to tiredness/changes in routine. Dh and I are also relaxed people, and we were convicted we would have a placid baby! He has phases of whinginess coming up to developmental leaps. Once he has mastered something he will be in good form for a while, until he starts getting frustrated again. Last phase lasted two weeks, constant whinging-whinging when on floor, whinging when picked up, whinging when fed, whinging in buggy/nappy/clothes changes. Can understand why you leave your dd in the cot for a few minutes, its so hard to stay calm when you are doing your best.
In between new skills he's a joy to be around. When he is in bad form I cope by bringing him somewhere in the afternoon to distract him. He also generally loves the sling. Hope things improve soon.
Ok shinesmile I'm going to do just that. Cut out those foods. I'll report back in 2 weeks. Thank you gor the advice. If anyone has any other suggestions of things I could try, please let me know!
Shinesmile we are in nw london - can you recommend anyone?
Hi, I haven't got a clear answer, but my DD was like that too. She was like a ticking bomb and I hated going out with her. We went to a private dr at 11 months, tests didn't show any allergies and she completely grew out of it all by 18 months. It got much better at 12 months and I started really enjoying her then.
She was a super happy toddler, I am sure your dd will be too.
PS my dd didn't sleep through until she was 2!
Sounds like my dd. I concluded that she was uncomfortable most of the time - barely smiled either. She even did the walking and holding hands thing!
But now at 2.7 she's a delight
mostly although her brother tells me otherwise
I should add, she had silent reflux, intolerances (so not picked up by allergy blood tests) and was slightly vit d and iron deficient. So worth checking her vit levels? That can affect mood.
Looking back now I think my DS fell into the high needs/spirited category. He was such hard work as a baby!
I'd spend the entire day (and many nights) running myself ragged to keep him happy and he was entertained for a maximum of 10 minutes with anything.
At about 13 months it all went up a notch, because he was trying to walk and talk at the same time. That was a challenging period .....
But I can promise you it gets so much better.
At 20 months he was talking in sentences and now, at almost 3 he is quite simply the funniest, chattiest, happiest little boy who never stops talking.
I tell myself he was too bright to be a baby and once he got his legs under him and found his tongue, he became the personality he is now.
He's a joy to be around, stops and chats to random people in the shop or on the street and I wish I could press pause and keep him at this age.
It will get better. Much better.
Chickz, as another poster said, my DD by 12 months was at the intolerance stage, so not picked up by skin prick tests buts clearly affecting her stomach, mood and general behaviour. She was also vitamin d and iron deficient. When you get referred and they do a blood test, ask them to check those too.
I've heard very good things about the allergy clinic at the evelina children's hospital at st Thomas's. Ask for Dr Adam Fox or George Du Toiut. Ask your GP to refer you there. We were referred to homerton hospital initially and it was rubbish in comparison to st Thomas's.
Just wanted to say that both of mine were just like this as babies. I was on here all the time and became slightly obsessed with finding a 'cure' for their miserableness! It was the hardest time in my life and it's so sad because everyone else seems to be loving it and everyone' babies lay there looking cute and cooing, mine whinged, screamed, writhed about and generally got bored of everything after a few seconds. Nothing amused them. Nothing stopped the crying. DS1 in particular was very hyper sensitive and got easily over stimulated by new sounds or new people, basically anywhere we went ended in him crying and screaming. DS2 was less sensitive but more generally whingy and grumpy. Both extremely difficult!
I tried reflux medications, referrals to paediatricians, going to health visitors, dairy free diet, cranial osteopathy, you name it, we tried it, both times! No effect at all with DS1. Ds2 did turn out to be allergic to cow's milk protein which once we got it sorted, did calm the relentless screaming but still he whinged and remained high maintenance.
Neither of them liked being babies. They were high needs (google William Sears) but don't worry if your baby doesn't seem to fit exactly with what he says but it gives you a clue into the different 'types' of babies and some tips on how to cope.
Bottom line is it will get better I promise. The first yer for us both times has been hell on earth. Second year still pretty hard going but definitely improves when they start to walk and talk. By age 2 they have both been a complete delight and never been difficult toddlers. DS1 is now nearly 7 and doing EXTREMELY well at school, is very gentle, funny, smiley, kind child. DS2 is 2.6 and on the whole wonderful #9he has 2 year old moments!) but is just lovely to be around and so so so much easier than those dark baby times. Please hang in there. You will survive x
Thank you so much for all your comments. I feel more positive. Im now cutting out those foods and going to see if it makes a difference. Got a Drs appt booked and going to push for a referral to a allergic specialist. Things can't get any worse. They can only get better i hope.
My daughter was exactly the same until we discovered she has multiple allergies. She is 13 months now and a lot better now she is on a strict diet. She is still medicated for silent reflux. This last year has definitely been the hardest of my life and I feel that if she'd been my first baby I would not have had any others!
My DS was the same as a baby. No allergies or anything that I was aware of - just fucking relentless hard work.
He is now 19mo and I feel like things are 100 times easier. 9-10 months old was a real low point. Things got a lot easier around 12mo when he learned to walk and then much easier again at about 16mo when he seemed to make some sort of mental leap and basically started understanding everything I said overnight!
Now he has about 30 words and Is starting to string together 2-3 words and is largely a delight! It's starting to feel like he is my little buddy and we do fun things together - rather than I am a hapless slave who gets screamed at for hours on end, which is how it felt when he was a baby!
By all means investigate the medical route but if it turns out he has the all clear on allergies etc then I am sure things will improve quite quickly in the next few months as he learned to walk talk and understand the world a bit better. Hang in there x
Another one who immediately thouht: food intolerance or allergy! Which formula is she on? If it's only partially broken down (rather than fully) and she has a full blown allergy to milk, the formula may not be quite hypo-allergenic enough. This was exactly the case with my DD. We were prescribed Nutramigen by the GP but only once on Neocate did she start to settle and we could actually enjoy her!
On weaning we cut all the foods mentioned. At 2yo she can now tolerate everything apart from dairy.
If it's not a gross question, what is her poo like? That will be a clue as to whether the misery is digestive pain/silent reflux.
Thank you everyone. It seems that things seem to get better around the 1 year mark from all your posts. I'm hoping so!
Hoorayhenri thank you for your post. She's on aptamil pepti 2. Her poo is dark and solid, sometimes a bit pebble-y. And she can poop up to 4 times a day. She doesn't strain too much. Any thoughts to whether this is a sign of digestion problems? Thank you
I don't know Aptimil pepti - is it partially or fully hydrolised (I think it'll say on the tin somewhere - it's been a while!) If it's only partial it might be worth trialling a fully broken down formula. She may be more sensitive to milk than you think.
If her poos are well formed though, I'm not sure. DD's were awful, loose and smelly, but I'm not sure if that's always a symptom.
If you don't get a referral, get an appointment with Dr. Adrian Morris. he has clinics in Harley Street, and two clinics in surrey. Appointments are pricey but when you have a shitty GP who wont listen to you, its the only way to go. Pushed for months for an allergy appointment and they totally dismissed my concerns. Booked an appointment with said doctor and discovered allergies to dairy and peanuts. Bloody GPs
Yes we tried pepti at first but my daughter was horrendous on it. It still contains milk proteins as it's only partially hydrolysed. Once we got Neocate I had a completely different baby within about 10 days. You could ask for a trial of this to see if you notice any change in her behaviour
I'd quite happily pay for a private dr to speed things along. Thank you so much for the dr details. Im going to look into it tonight. Today has been horrendous so far. Nothing has made her happy. Constant whinging and crying. Bored of toys after few mins. Supposed to be going out later but I don't think I have it in my to deal with a crying whinged baby in public today! She's super sensitive today. Crying over anything and everything. This can't be normal.
I had one one those! Sympathies OP but you're nearly out of the woods.
I do find now that he is quite highly strung - everything is either hilarious or the end of the world but he has a fantastic sense of humour.
It got infinitely better when he could crawl and then walk and again quite recently when his communication skills have dramatically improved. He just turned 2.
I do think that having tricky babies makes you very well equipped for a toddler. Those with easy babies find the next stage more difficult.
It's all just preparation for the teenage years!!
If you going private, professor Gideon lack comes highly recommended too. He is a world leading academic and clinician in the children's allergy field.
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