New Dad

[CrowBagDad]

Hi all,

Long time lurker, first time poster here (and very aware that i'm now stepping into the viper's nest - please be gentle if i've posted in the wrong forum).

A little background - my daughter was born in April last year. Approximately 3 weeks later, I disappeared to work abroad and had limited contact with my daughter for about a year until I returned to the UK (a couple of weeks here and there when I was given leave), so most of my relationship with her was built over facetime/skype which I tried to do on a daily basis.

Fast-forward to my return to the UK this year, and my relationship with my daughter's mother (XDP?) has broken down. It was an amicable split, we both realised that the relationship just wasn't working any more. I normally now have my daughter overnight for blocks of 2-3 days per fortnight (I work odd shifts).

My problem is that parenting is pretty much totally new to me. I have no issues with feeding/bathing/changing nappies etc, but what do you actually DO with a 15 month old? I've taken her to a 'cafe play' near me a few times which she has enjoyed (particularly messy play!), and i'm planning to go swimming with her next time I have her, but can anyone recommend some activities I could do at home with her? I was thinking of petting zoo's, the local park and the like, but I think she's probably a little too small to get any tangible benefit from it. Help! I desperately want her to enjoy her time with me and actually form a proper relationship with her.

[ThinkIveBeenHacked]

Have a look at your local library - they will probably run a story time or rhyme time which can be really lovely.

Google messy play sessions - basically water, sand, gloop play for babies to explore.

Swimming is a brilliant idea!

Park - just chasing a big floater ball or feeding the ducks.

Beach - digging, rockpooling, in the water

Do you have any friends with similarly aged little ones? Might be nice to meet at a soft play with them.

Tbh at that age dd loved things like a big bucket of soapy water in the garden with a dolly to bath or some animals to swim in it.

[ThinkIveBeenHacked]

Not too young at all for a zoo or farm!!

[Jenjen85]

Sealife type places are usually good too, I took my 8mth old and she loved it. Even just going out for a walk and talking to her about what's going on around her

[CrowBagDad]

Thanks for the reply. Library is a great shout - one I hadn't thought of but as i'm an avid reader then it would be great to have something like that to share with her.

Messy play is definitely a winner. Next time i'll definitely be taking a towel and a change of clothes though - made that mistake last time!

Swimming is one for the list for next week, and as there's a park right next to it i'll give that a look aswell.

Beach would be lovely but unfortunately i'm miles from the coast.

My niece is only 5 weeks older and they love playing together. Unfortunately trying to track down my SIL when I have DD is like trying to push fog uphill with a sharp stick.

The bucket in the garden is so alarmingly simple that i'm facepalming now wondering why on earth I hadn't thought of that myself already. Thank you!

[Andcake]

Farms great, look for surestart centres which do sessions for dads only ( often on Saturdaysor Wednesdays ), soft play is good from about 15 months if they have toddler areas. At home shape sorters, crayons, push alongside, balls etc.

[CrowBagDad]

I've taken her round one of the local country parks a few times whilst walking the dog (got drenched in a downpour today!), and not bothered at all by the odd looks I get from people as I ramble on to her. I'm just worried that i'm boring her!

[JoyceDivision]

swimming

park - picnics when it's warm, wellies and puddle jumping when it's raining

zoo or a smaller local mini farm thing where you can pet rabbits and stuff

water squirters in the garden

playing out in garden with a paddling pool

messy time, painting etc at home

den building, even if it's sheets thrown over a clothes airer or blankets over chairs!

Baking!!

as longas you are giving lots of attention,chatter, cuddles and are happy to work on toddler time, not your time, eg whenit takes 20 mins to walk from house to car because every snail and ladybird hasto be investigated, you'llbe fineandthat's what your dd will enjoy more!

[ThinkIveBeenHacked]

Oh god dont face palm I was the same til dd came along and I realised how utterly simple they are when I had been terrified.

Other really lovely things are stories at naptime and bedtime.

Create a picture wall at her height of family and friends to talk about who is who and she can learn names etc.

[CrowBagDad]

Just had a look at surestart centres - to be honest I wasn't sure if i'd be allowed to register as XDP lives approximately 70 miles away from me, so DD is going to be registered there already. I'll email the one local to me and ask though.

Baking is one that had crossed my mind as I used to to a fair bit of that with XDP's DS (from a previous relationship) whilst we were together. However call me an over-cautious new parent but i've been utterly paranoid about having a hot oven with DD around!

Toddler cuddles/chatter/kisses are absolutely the best in the world. I have no problem with 'toddler time'!

[WorkingBling]

You seem to have right idea. Also just playing games together. Ds has played versions of hide and seek for hours at a time with us since he was a baby. He hides under blanket. I look for him. I find him. I get fright/excited. He laughs hysterically. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat (you get the idea.). Activities are excellent and help keep boredom at bay (for both of you) but I never cease to be amazed at how much joy and fun ds gets out of simple games played repeatedly. Dh is a sahd - he once spent most of a morning playing "catch me"nie dh runs up stairs, ds chases. He was exhausted. Ds loved every single minute!!!

[CrowBagDad]

Thank you all so much for the replies. Having done the round trip to take DD home i'm pretty knackered now and i'm on early shift tomorrow so hitting the hay, but will read through all the replies properly tomorrow morning. Thank you again!

[JoyceDivision]

rocky road doesn't need cooking,or rice crispie buns! There's no getting out of it op

Checkout local playgroups, we used to go to local church ones (not a church we attended,just any!) as my dad's rule of thumb was 'a decent church will use nescafe'!! Only one dad attended and he was the star of theshow, iot was amazing how many mums would chatter away or the playgroup leaders would hover to make sure he wasn't lonely!!

[JoyceDivision]

but tin of blackboard paint from b&q for a tenner and sacrifice a wall for dd to doodle away on

[JoyceDivision]

facepaints (snazzaroo?) fromtoy shops pass a biit of time.

Don't get these mixed up with blackboard paint. Your XP will not be amused when your dd can draw her own expressions on her face for a month.

[BertieBotts]

No no, definitely keep chatting to her! She won't be bored :) It's great for her language development and she'll be drinking in every word.

At that age DS loved being read to, playing with toys like stacking rings and shape sorters, playing with a ball - he could just about roll it - playing in water, bashing on anything - pans etc very good. Anything with silly noises or involving hiding. Bubbles - a simple bottle of bubble mixture will bring you hours of joy.

Children's centres will be delighted to have you register as they get funding for each member and they are desperate to attract dads. I don't think it will matter if your XP has registered at a different one. You also don't have to be a member to use the facilities and groups etc. IME they don't tend to be very techno minded so I wouldn't bother with an email, just turn up.

[CuttedUpPear]

Drawing, painting - get a nice craft box together containing all the things she can use to makw pictures.
I think it's one of the most important things for children, to be able to create.

Early Learning Centre used to do a great easel and non spill paint pots - your DD may be a little young at the moment but if you start her off with a box of good quality pencil crayons and lots of paper, it won't be long til she a churning out works of art for you.

[zippey]

You could get a rainsuit, and on rainy days go out and jump in some muddy puddles (once she is able to walk)

Play games with her, read books and nursery rhymes.

Mother and toddler groups are ok, as are toddler classes.

[Mommy2parker]

At that age they ???? to do anything with daddy. It doesn't matter what you do. Even just bringing her for walks will be fun for her. You can even just stay at home with her and teach her to colour, write, paint, read and so many other things. She doesn't always have to be doing something big. Keep it nice and simple.

[Happy36]

Perhaps a "music" group too (singing/shouting, playing with percussion instruments). My friend´s 4 month old has started going to one with his dad and loves it.

[Selks]

Don't forget the simple stuff -tots love nothing more than doing simple jigsaws and games with daddy, snuggling up with a storybook, and they don't need entertaining all the time - it's good for them to be able to play with their toys by themselves while you are nearby washing up or reading.
And the joys of the outdoors - having little walks and talking about things that you spot - some flowers, a squirrel etc, some crunchy leaves to kick around or a squelchy muddy puddle, or some rocks to climb on with Daddy's steadying hand to hold... Enjoy!