How much does your Dh help with chores and baby

[blondebaby111]

Very very annoyed tonight. We have a 6 month old and I feel most of the baby duties, housework etc falls on me. I don't complain on days he is working but on his days off it would be nice if it wasn't so one sided. It's feet up, total
Relax for him whereas I never have a break. I'm also gradually going back to work part time so it's not like I'm not working either.

He does feed her at times and does the shopping but since 6 tonight he's been lounging about while I literally have only just sat down. I've really kicked off about to which I get 'well u only have to ask'. But then I think am I just a moody cow over reacting??

[CultureSucksDownWords]

No you're not overreacting. He's not a child, he's an adult. He shouldn't have to be told what to do and directed by you like you're his parent. He doesn't need to "help" you, he needs to do a fair share of the work as part of an adult partnership.

Have a calm discussion with him about what's a fair split, remind him he's not a child, and ask him to do his fair share as a grown adult.

[Jaffakake]

Let him run out of pants. Then he'll start doing the washing!

[Passmethecrisps]

When dd was 6 months old I think DH did the lion's share of household stuff. He certainly always cooked then tidied up.

I agree he shouldn't need to be asked - does he think you are running around for shit and giggles.

However, do ask. And ask and ask and ask until he gets it. You need to work as a team so he shouldn't be settling for the evening until you have.

[joanofarchitrave]

God six months was almost the peak of the workload. You must be half dead.

[Softlysoftlycatchymonkey]

Totally know what your going through.

Came on here and complained.

Got told what I needed. That dp was a lazy selfish bastard and I either left him or told him to get his arse in to gear.

Dp got away with six months of taking the piss. I think also that I was just better at getting in with it maryter

Anyway I sat and told him there was no point in him being here infact him being here made more shit for me to do.

Things are miles better now. I still do the lions share as I'm SAHM but when he is in house, he joins in.

[ThirteenMeetings]

DH has been a bit (only a bit) useless with housework, but totally took it on board when I spoke to him about it. I do partly think that just being at home so much more on mat leave I genuinely notice more than him what needs doing. He only once made a presumptuous comment about my washing his pants and he won't be doing that again!

However he's fantastic with the baby. He does bath and bedtime whenever he's home in time (and at weekends), gets up with her in the mornings so I can have another couple of hours sleep and whichever of us is more awake gets up with her in the night (she's been a dreadful sleeper!) Early on it was more often me but it's definitely 50/50 now.

I agree you shouldn't have to ask all the time. It's not my job to know how much food we have, whether the washing basket is empty, if the fridge needs a clear out, etc. In fact, even though I do pretty much cook dinner every night, I get annoyed when DH asks 'what's for dinner', and remind him not to assume I'm making it. Sometimes I don't and he now graciously whips up a salad (he's a rubbish cook) or orders a takeaway.

I do think that for a lot of men from a certain generation, (DH is late 30s) even when they have the best intentions, they grew up with a mother who did everything for them and it's second nature just not to think about the work that goes in to that. DH would be appalled if he thought he was taking me for granted, and generally he is brilliant, but even so, every now and then I need to remind him that these things are not my responsibility and he needs to consider them too.

[qumquat]

Agree with eightyears you should both get the same amount of downtime. Simple. Dp and I work on this principle and it works well, we also have a 6 month old.

I think you need to sit him down and talk it through calmly. He is being selfish and disrespectful, hopefully once he realises this he will change his ways.

[Littlef00t]

What do you do when your DH is always feeling ill or so tired. I have a 4 month old and my DH has depression. He works full time but he is always complaining of being so tired (despite never getting up at night) as he doesn't sleep terribly well, or feeling ill.

I think it's genuine but doesn't help me. He does do some, more than many husbands I'm sure, but I don't really get a break.

His standards are lower than mine too and I'm dreading dd crawling etc

[AnotherStitchInTime]

I have 3 DC, youngest 6 months, others 2.5 and 5. I am SAHM so do most cleaning and cooking.

DH will cook on weekends, get up early one day with the kids and make us all pancakes,put laundry on, clean the toilet, take the bins out, take the kids out to give me a break, vacuum, clean out the guinea pigs, bathe the older kids and get them ready for bed, wash up, go food shopping...... He walks in excess of 25 miles a day for work and still manages to help.

He needs to shape up or ship out, you only have one child, you don't need a man child.

[Diamondsareagirls]

I have had this 'conversation' with DH and he came out with the same 'just tell me what to do to help' response and it is a load of crap. Helping would be to get up and look around at what needs doing and not waiting to be told like a child.
OP, tell him you already have a child and what you need from him is a parter in every sense of the word.

[Diamondsareagirls]

partner

[blondebaby111]

Thanx for all your replies, things have been a little better. I will be having a bigger discussion about all this tho as I can't carry on doing far more than what I should be x