Do you check DC's FB?

[Frontier]

I do. It was a condition f him having an ac that i have the passwords - seemed like a sensible precaution to keep him safe.

Yesterday, i learned something, nothing awful, mildly amusing but i doubt he would have told me.

I mentioned it at work and my 2 colleagues had extreme opposite views. One felt it was an outrageous breach of privacy, the other agreed with me that it's my responsibility as a parent to know what he's up to on line. What do you think? He's just 13

[fluffydoge]

I don't, and never have, monitored my DC's Facebook accounts. They are now 15, 18 and 21. I see no need for it. Unless there are issues with bullying etc then it is just being nosy and an invasion of their privacy.

[proudmama2772]

It is irresponsible parenting not to monitor facebook. It is not private. It's online, electronically recorded and dangerous. Kids need to understand that you will be monitoring and that is a condition of their right to use it.

[Sparklingbrook]

Yes. It was a condition of him having FB at 13. He's 15 now. It is an eye opener. All those nice DC you see in your child's year at school aren't all they seem IYKWIM.

[Sparklingbrook]

I don't look at it every day usual. I do have access to his PM. There was a bit of something going on a while ago which I wasn't happy about regarding a group discussion.

I have now said if he does want to change his password that's ok, but he hasn't.

That said he doesn't use it much as he's always on PSN at the moment. And something called 'Kik'?

[givemecaffeine21]

Kik is a free messaging service for smartphones (and maybe other devices).

[vixsatis]

Son the same age. I am a "friend" so that I can monitor who his "friends" are but I don't have access to and would not dream of reading his private messages. My mother used to read my letters, which I used to hate.

[Sparklingbrook]

That makes sense giveme.

[Sparklingbrook]

I would imagine a lot of bullying goes on via FB private messaging.

[gymboywalton]

yes i have access and yes i do check

[Notso]

I am not DD's facebook friend because I don't want her to see all the drunk photos of me shite my friends put on.
I know her passwords and she knows this. She is happy to show me stuff on her wall, I keep reiterating she shouldn't put anything online she wouldn't want me to see. It seems to be working so far.
I don't think many of her friends parents check what their DC post though from reading some of it, either that or they don't care.

[Sparklingbrook]

I think some parents would be quite alarmed at what their DC are posting on FB.
I have a quite different opinion of some of the children on DS1's friends list now that's for sure.

[PiggyPlumPie]

Yes I do and they know it and agreed to it as a condition of having Facebook. And I made them wait until they turned 13

[MaureenMLove]

I used to, but she didn't know. She's 18, so Facebook was brand new when she joined and there was none of the security there is now.

She was and still is hilarious on Facebook! Never saw anything I was shocked at and never needed to confront her with anything.

I do think at 13 he needs to know that you could see what he writes, even if you don't actually look.

I'm not FB friends with DD. She's my 18 year old daughter and it's none of my business anymore, although our paths cross from time to time on there and she still makes me roar with laughter!

[TheFirstOfHerName]

It was a condition of DS1 joining Facebook and Twitter that he makes his passwords available to us until he turns 16. He also agrees to us doing spot checks. He trusts us, and understands that this is because he does not yet have the experience and wisdom to manage an account without light supervision.

He has been using Fb for 16 months now. I have checked his account three or four times during that period. He hasn't written anything that concerns me, but some (racist /pornographic) things that his acquaintances commented on were appearing on his feed, so I showed him how to get rid of this so he doesn't have to see them.

The older he gets, the less often I'll be checking.

[cashmiriana]

No, because DD2 is too young for FB and DD1 has very sensibly chosen not to have it, following in the footsteps of both me and DH. I do know the passwords to her phone and email however and would not hesitate to use them if I thought she or another young person were at risk. I do not promise absolute confidentiality to my children: their welfare always comes first.

I freely accept that my approach is very much influenced by my background in teaching and safeguarding.

[goofygoober]

Absolutely, yes I do check! As PPs have said, it is a real eye opener when you see what some of their 'friends' post. We've removed a few of DS1's friends, who aren't in his real friendship circle, but who had been posting some bloody horrid stuff. Ours are 13 too (and had to wait for their birthdays until they could have the accounts).

They know about it. They also know that I periodically scan through their messages. If there was any issue of cyber bullying, I would want to know. As they get older, I may become more relaxed.

[Sparklingbrook]

You see these children in RL and they are all 'Hello Mrs Sparkling' like butter wouldn't melt, and I am thinking 'mmmm I saw what you posted on FB yesterday'.

[Frontier]

I knew I'd get told off for gossiping and I agree I shouldn't have done that but it was completely harmless and the "thing" was really no big deal.

I'm glad the majority do think I should look though. I'm quite impressed actually, his friends seem generally nice enough and when there has been bad language etc he has never engaged.

I do think it's important I know what's going on on there, there's the issue of cyber bullying which (as I work in a school) I know is huge and very distressing but also grooming and inappropriate relationships. I'd like to think he's savvy enough that that couldn't happen to him/us but it does happen and I do feel it's my responsibility to check.

[Frontier]

I think I covered that Usual but thanks