I've spent the morning crying

(106 Posts)
TuckingFablet Tue 20-May-14 14:23:58

had dd nearly 6 months ago and today I cracked. dp works 5 out of 7 days and I have no friends. difficult family situation so I have no one to help me. I need a break. dp is working 7 days this week because we are saving for a deposit on a house so need the money.

I just feel so alone. I'm exhausted all the freaking time. dp does help. he does one night feed and helps out when he is here. the problem is he isn't here very often. typical shift will be 8.30am -8pm.

I love my daughter endlessly but I'm not sure how much longer I can cope with this.

I don't know what I want from this post, other than just getting my feelings out.

carry on with your day smile

FanjoForTheMammaries Tue 20-May-14 14:26:48

He needs to do a whole night so you can sleep.

He will be tired but survive work fine.

WaffleWiffle Tue 20-May-14 14:26:57

You are coping fantastically. Don't beat yourself up. Rest as much as you can.

FanjoForTheMammaries Tue 20-May-14 14:28:01

My DH has been up most nights with dD for last 7 years and still holds down job so don't feel guilty for letting your DH share the load thanks

FanjoForTheMammaries Tue 20-May-14 14:28:34

I get up too but no one peeson can do it all without the odd night of sleep.

TuckingFablet Tue 20-May-14 14:32:06

we take it in turns when he is here and alternate who gets up with her when she wakes at 5am. whoever gets up with her does the first night feed around 11 so gets to sleep longer. it's just so relentless, I knew it was going to be hard, but I had no idea it would be this hard

FanjoForTheMammaries Tue 20-May-14 14:34:09

That's great but you need a nights sleep without getting up at all I think.

FanjoForTheMammaries Tue 20-May-14 14:38:37

Will help a lot

Lanabelle Tue 20-May-14 14:43:48

Is there nowhere you can get out and about and meet people? mother and baby groups? I know some of the people there can be a right pain in the arse but some are quite nice and often its just the adult contact that helps. Try and get out with baby a bit if you can. Tiredness is a shit but the loneliness can be much worse

TuckingFablet Tue 20-May-14 14:56:37

I go to one every Thursday but despite me going every week I have yet to make any friends. They chat while I'm there but never invite me out with them

JiltedJohnsJulie Tue 20-May-14 15:01:44

Tucking I know you are saving and he is working lots but you need something to look forward to. Could you arrange some time with just DH, even if its going to the cinema together?

rootypig Tue 20-May-14 15:05:58

Tucking everyone else is right, you need a break. Saving for a mortgage is not worth cracking up - it can take years to recover from a very stressful period in life, it can be traumatic. I would sit down with DP and extend your saving plan by a year, so you can build in more time for him at home, and more time for you together.

When DD was that age, I would practically chuck her at DH when he walked through the door at 6pm. being on your own all day is so, so difficult. It's just not realistic.

where are you, if you feel able to say? If by some miracle we live in the same town I would happily babysit.

josephine1986 Tue 20-May-14 15:06:51

How about childrens centres, baby groups etc? Go out and find others you can moan with. Nice idea upthread about a full nights sleep but most ebf mothers dont get this...naps with baby?

beginnings Tue 20-May-14 15:07:12

You poor thing. It's so relentless in the early days. Regarding the group you go to, why don't you invite one of them to go for coffee with you, or for a walk in a park? At least that way you get to swap numbers. I met a bunch of people in the early days that I didn't keep in touch with and some that became really good friends. I'm naturally an introvert so it's painful to ask, and I wonder if I'm making a fool of myself or if they don't want to, but IMHE most people are glad of it. Even if just for an hour or so.

josephine1986 Tue 20-May-14 15:08:16

Or, try and find a local teenager/trainee nanny who will play wifh dd while you nap, take a bath, etc?

zzzzz Tue 20-May-14 15:11:23

I didn't get on at baby group but found lessons easier. Could you try swimming lessons, or baby massage etc? Mine worked away Mon to Fri for years so I do understand just how tired you can get. It's counter intuitive but the more you do the less tired you will feel.

Lanabelle Tue 20-May-14 15:12:12

What about you asking one of them to go for a coffee or something? maybe make it a weekly or fortnightly thing?

MillionPramMiles Tue 20-May-14 15:15:42

Take a deep breath, it really will get better.

At 6 months you can start thinking about what might make things easier for you. You might want to think about weaning, cutting down night feeds, introducing formula, for example. Not saying any of these suggestions are essential or magic solutions but if they help you get more sleep then that's a start.

It can be tricky to make friendships that last beyond a chat at play group. I'd suggest making the first move, suggest a meet up, exchange numbers. Try a few different groups. At 6 mths I went to something every morning, even when I felt exhausted and hadn't washed my hair for 3 days, just to get out. I also talked to friendly Hvs at my local children's centre, they were a sympathetic shoulder to cry on (literally).

It can be hard when you don't have family near by or friends with young children. Try to talk to people, don't isolate yourself, especially if you don't plan to return to work.

And as others have said, talk to your dp, he's part of the solution too.

Maryz Tue 20-May-14 15:17:01

I know it is little consolation, but this will pass. Pretty much all of us have been there - I distinctly remember more than one day where I was very tempted to put them all in the car, drive them to the local hospital and jump off a cliff sad

You don't have a local church with a creche and coffee on a Sunday morning? When I moved house I met people at a church service, then went to an associated toddler group, and made friends through that.

Or a gym with creche facilities - I used to take dd sometimes, put her in the creche for an hour and read a book blush.

And tell you dh that the next night he is off you are going to bed early (in a separate room) and sleeping until you wake up.

KEGirlOnFire Tue 20-May-14 15:17:06

I'm not going to say the swear word but a similar site to this gave me the opportunity to meet local Mums (for my area the Local MN is rubbish) and 4 years down the line they are my best friends.

Honestly go and have a look (but only for the Meet-a-Mum boards!!!), you will find other Mums in the same situation as you. Contact them, chat and meet up. It changed my life, sounds dramatic but it really did. Having a DD did wonders for my social life.

Trooperslane Tue 20-May-14 15:18:01

What rootypih said.

And everyone else. If you're in Glasgow I'm up for giving you a break.

We have no family within a couple of hundred miles so I can appreciate some of what you're feeling.

I am shock when lovely people I meet at baby groups say they had their Mum/mil round for days.

Be gentle on yourself. And IME forcing yourself to get out to groups is a v g thing.

I've made a few lovely friends that way and it's lovely bumping into them for a chat and a moan and a laugh.

wine And brew and thanks for you xxxx

JassyRadlett Tue 20-May-14 15:19:16

Poor you, it's grim.

A couple of ideas:

When I went back to work (DS was 7 months), we started out alternating wakeups. It was wretched and we were both exhausted. Switching to alternating nights, rather than wakeups, was so, so much better and we were both much better off in the long run. (NB: if the baby sleeps through the night, the person who was on duty that night has to do the next night!)

I'd also try different classes and groups until you find one you click with. Agree that if you are having a nice chat invite them to do something else - eg do you want to grab a coffee / take the babies to the park and let them roll around on the rug / whatever. They may be just as keen for new friends as you are.

Tucking - would you be willing to say where you live - maybe some local mumsnetters woild be able to recommend a more friendly/inclusive baby group, or there might be a local MN meet up.

I am crossing my fingers that you are near me. I have two teens and one who turns 21 this year, and time on my hands, and I would happily offer to come and give you a break.

One thing I wish I had known with my first baby is that it is fine to stop and catch a brief nap when the baby naps. I used to put ds1 down and then dash off to try to do house work, and when he woke up again, I was even tireder because I'd had no rest.

Make sure you look after yourself - eat well, drink plenty of water, and get some fresh air from time to time. And remember, you are doing an amazing job, and doing it really well. {{{hugs}}}

TuckingFablet Tue 20-May-14 15:43:03

im in Nottingham smile

I was doing fine until this week. she has been relentless in wanting attention, not napping and just generally being grumpy if I leave her for more than a minute.
yesterday was a really low point. I went out to meet a friend who I have not seen in years as she was in town for the day. I had to leave because dd was screaming so much.
she is ff so other people can in theory feed her. She screams if anyone but me feeds her though.
This isn't a rant at dp because he is amazing and helps out when he is here, it's just he's never bloody here.
we live in a teeny 1 bed flat so moving soon to a 2 bed place hopefully.
thanks for not telling me I'm mental guys smile

TuckingFablet Tue 20-May-14 15:45:09

oh and I've tried the net mums meet a mum thing before but got no replies sad

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